How would you respond?

[Salukigirl]

I received a letter today from the daughter who lives next door (think she's about 21/22).
Our walls are very thin and we can hear everything that goes on in the next room. Her bedroom is next to our bedroom. Her complaint is that at weekends we wake her up when the "whole family " (me, DH and DS) gather in our bedroom and shriek, laugh, sing and generally make noise. This wakes her up. She says she likes to lie in at the weekend as she's up at 6am everyday in the week. (We are well aware of this as she wakes us up!). The final straw apparently was last weekend as she'd not gone to bed until 2am and we woke her up at 7.30am! She has asked us to be more considerate and not make so much noise so early in the morning.

My initial response is to tell her to eff right off. Tell her she's very lucky it's 7.30am and not 5.30am like most toddlers I know! Also to tell her to make the most of the relative peace at the moment as DS2 will be arriving in February!!

Alternatively I'm thinking about not responding at all and just ignoring her. I'm not changing anything just so she can lie in with a hangover! They have a 4 bedroom house so she could go and sleep in another room if it bothers her so much.

We have history with the parents also being very intolerant and writing us letters to complain about our dog barking in the past.

What do you think?

[Lesley1980]

What if she started playing loud music to 2 am every night & woke you up? She doesn't have kids so why should she bother about you when you aren't bothered about her? It's the same thing really.

[Gardenbirds123]

Ps Haha - the von traps

Sums it up.

[Gardenbirds123]

You sound like the problem here

Agree with previous posters, take the kids downstairs

Poor kid next door

[Waltermittythesequel]

You sound like a pain in the arse!

Take your child downstairs. Do you really think anyone wants to hear you all singing at stupid o clock on a weekend?

Who are you, the Von Traps?

If she's getting up at 6 for work, that's unavoidable.

Why don't you move to another room for your shrieking and singing sessions?

[NaraDeer]

I have a 2 year old going through a screaming phrase and a puppy who has started barking. I'm doing my best with teaching/training both of them and luckily either very rarely make noise between 7pm-8am. Even though I feel like the worst neighbour in the world and apologise every single time I see the NDN. They are always lovely and say it's ok, they've had dogs and they're grandparents so they know what it's like.
On the flip side they often wake us and DD up with their everyday living noises and although it can be annoying I would never complain.

Thin walls are crap and both parties need to be responsible and respectful.
If I was you I'd apologise and try to do quieter activities at the weekend until a little bit later. I know toddlers aren't always easy to make quiet but singing at half 7 when you know she's next door is a bit thoughtless.

Congratulations on DS2 btw.

I totally thought she was going to say she could hear you shagging though.

[anontoday23]

I think you could just try and be a bit nicer and be a bit quieter. How would you like it if she was really loud when she went to bed at 2am -shrieking and laughing then? When you are absolutely exhausted when the baby arrives- how would you like it if she played music next to your ear when you are taking a nap?
I think the point is if you want to be a nice person and a nice neighbour, it would be good to go downstairs and shriek and sing. instead of thinking you should tell her to F off, you maybe could think, well we could try and help her out... And maybe she will help you out by being quieter when she gets up at 6am.

[limon]

I'd be pissed off with you too tbh. Show at least a.little consideration for your neighbour.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Well you could maybe take her downstairs?

[GreenRug]

I have 3 very shrieky small children. I live in a terraced house and they are up any time from 5. It really is your responsibility to keep things as calm as possible until a godly hour. Ours are taken downstairs the minute they wake. I'm sure the neighbours can still hear the tantrums etc but actually encouraging your toddler to come in to your room and play at that time of the morning on the weekend is not on. The new baby crying there is nothing anyone can do anything about but I think this complaint is valid.

[suzannecaravaggio]

Speak face to face, befriend her, apologise, negotiate, both sides compromise and make concessions

The main problem is lack of soundproofing

The thin walls ABU

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

The choice is yours, really. You can continue to wind them up, but you'll have newborn soon and sleep will be precious, so if she decides to hold band practice in her room or do regular karaoke sessions or play the drums, your sleep and that of your baby will be heavily impacted, or you can try and limit what she hears, ask her to do the same, and both live in relative peace.

If someone woke me at 7:30am shrieking and singing, I'd be plotting revenge, toddler or not. It's just not necessary.

I also think she's probably pointing out that they can hear more than you think, so probably sex.

Her parents living in a four bed house is irrelevant if her room is next to yours and you are being loud, there's hardly likely to be a line of people wanting to swap rooms with her so you can disturb them instead.

[suzannecaravaggio]

make the the thin walls the common enemy

Good strategy!

[suzannecaravaggio]

Do you want it to escalate into a noise war with tit for tat revenge attacks where no one gets any peace?

[FellOffMyUnicorn]

Oh no my error
Op didn't put that she wakes them at 2am

730 is quiet early, can't you go downstairs?

[FellOffMyUnicorn]

She gets up at 6 and also wakes op at 2am when she gets in from a night in

I think if you can talk face to face and make the the thin walls the common enemy and see if you can both agree to try and keep the noise down in unsociable hours that might work

[justfivemoreminutes1]

You sound like a nightmare, glad I don't have to live next door to you!

How would you feel if she started having friends round late at night and kept your newborn awake? No more or less unreasonable than singing and shrieking at the crack of dawn imo. Why should she have to forgo her lie in because of YOUR dc?! I suspect you enjoyed a lie in too, once upon a time...

Apologise and make an effort like normal people would.

[Lweji]

Also pointing out that it is possible to have quiet toddlers, at least for long enough to get out of bed.

[PenelopePitstops]

You sound intolerable. Dogs barking and kids shrieking.

We live in a block of flats, every weekday we were woken at 7 by a baby and his parents chatting to him, this was fine. At the weekend they were quiet until at least 8. They were incredibly considerate neighbours. When I had a party and they didn't get to sleep until 11, they said "don't worry, our baby probably wakes you at times".

This is how you should be, your toddler isn't her problem and nor should it be.

[sparechange]

We have history with the parents also being very intolerant and writing us letters to complain about our dog barking in the past.

Err, not wanting to be disturbed by a barking dog isn't 'intolerant'. It is normal.

It sounds like you have got a long history of being neighbours from hell and not respecting their right to some peace and quiet.
If she came in at 2:30am and started playing music, would you move to another bedroom, or be annoyed that she was disturbing you?

I think given you have a history of disturbing this family, you can take your toddler downstairs to do the early morning shrieking and singing, and thank your lucky stars that you are getting notes and not a retaliation late night DIY habit from them.

[Lweji]

I would try and be a bit more quiet, but ultimately, if the walls are too thin and she has a problem with normal noise in the morning, then she could insulate her side of the walls.

I suppose the question is if the noise you make is normal for day time, or it's really loud.

[NoahVale]

I bought my toddler a toy drum but I would not do what I did, my neighbour didnt speak to me again.

[NoahVale]

i had a big row with my neighbour when she wrote me a note that my toddler woke her at 6.30 banging the stair gate. well, we got up at 6.30, i dont think he banged the stair gate, just opened it, we got up early.
in your position i would ignore.

[PandasRock]

There is no point being passive aggressive about the neighbour getting up at 6. She needs to, tongi to work. The walls are thin (not her fault) and I assume she is not dancing about shrieking and singing, but rather it is general noise and movement the OP hears. General life happens, and it is nobody's fault that even the tiniest of noises can be heard.

But that is no excuse to be loud, shrieky and sing songs early in the morning. Some consideration for others is necessary when living so close together.

I know full well that toddlers wake early (my dd2 was queen of the early risers, and ds is currently competing for her title). But there is no reason to be loud and make intrusive noise which is otherwise unavoidable (note I not talking about a newborn waking at night - neither was the neighbour!)

[DoreenLethal]

I would probably say 'We know you get up at 6:00 as you wake us up every day - I'd say 7:30 is jolly good with toddlers. Pot>Kettle. Notice we have never written to you to complain, we just get on with it'.

[ecuse]

Incidentally, do you think she's trying to subtly point out she can hear you shagging?