Mum going into a care home

[YesIwillyesIwillYes]

Please hit me up with your best tips to gelp her navigate the first fee days.

i’m going to drive up to transfer her from hospital to the care home.( I live a 7 hour tound trip away.) I’ll stay locally for a night or two to run errands for her and help her settle in. Unfortunately my family is dysfunctional and of course it’s all kicking off. One particular family member’s behavior is just awful.

i’ve ordered a range of labels for her clothes and personal belongings. I’ve bought her some new nightwear and a new dressing gown. And later on I’m going yo the supermarkrt to shop dor touketries, notepad, pen, tissues etc.

The care home we’re hoping to get will confirm later today. My younger sister viewed it on Saturday and seems to think it fits the bill. Although she was in my opinion too focused on the hair salon and beauty parlour. My mum is keen to go to the care home and she’s been in hospital for 3 weeks. .

I’d be grateful for any help/advice as it looks likely to happen very quickly if they agree to take her.

[olderbutwiser]

Check out the laundry facilities - be aware everything goes in to a hot wash so anything like wool or cashmere will not come back wearable.

[NoBinturongsHereMate]

Label everything is the main point - and you've got that in hand. The rest is going to depend a lot on the specifics of the room, so best to wait until she's in. We found a common problem was lack of storage, so don't pack too much. Once you have a room, think about where you can add organisers - hanging pockets on the back of doors, stacking boxes for things that don't need daily access etc.

There's usually a trial period on both sides, so if a quick move is needed then as long as it seems broadly OK don't worry too much about having found the perfect place. You can always move again if necessary.

[NoBinturongsHereMate]

Some homes provide a red bag for emergency hospital admissions. If not, it's handy to do one yourself - a grab bag of spare phone charger, spare glasses, pair of PJs, couple of pairs of knickers, toothbrush and paste, list of current meds, copy of any medical directives, This Is Me booklet, slippers etc.

[YesIwillyesIwillYes]

Will I need to buy bedding?

[Diversion]

Perhaps buy her a clock, one with largeish numbers which she can see from her bed or chair. Not something we had thought of but which my PIL requested when they went into a home. They also requested a radio and had to provide their own TV. Make sure everything has their names on and check the home's rules about having electricals ie if they will PAT test them. In summer you might want to invest in a fan as they are often in short supply and a vase, they never seem to have enough for all of the flowers especially around Mother's Day.

[NoBinturongsHereMate]

They will supply bedding.

[NoBinturongsHereMate]

Some places supply a TV or clock in the room, but many don't - I'd wait and see on those. Fan is definitely a good call.

[CharmedCult]

Everything gets boil washed. Everything.

Is there a family member nearby who will visit regularly and perhaps launder nicer items of clothing? If so, then a laundry bag/basket for your mums room.

[Quizine]

At some point (if you think she would like it) get some family photos and trinkets that she likes from her former house for her room. It can make it her own space and can be comforting, but you will know what is best.

I'm not sure of the set up in her NH, but she might need some pound coins and small denominations to pay for bits and bobs like a newspaper etc.

After a week or so you will both identify things that are needed, and the staff will advise. For now you have covered the essentials, so well done and I hope it all works out for you all.

[Lulaloo]

Do not use the ‘stick ins ‘labels for clothes, only non washed items, as they do not withstand the high wash temperatures. We had to sew all of ours in by hand.
Nice throw/ blanket, vase, TV were things that we found were needed.

[Ahwig]

Although my mum's care home rooms came fully furnished they were happy for her to have her own furniture too. We put in her favourite chair, lamp, bookcase with books in and loads of pictures. They got their handyman to put some on the wall and the rest were dotted around window sills and n the bookcase.
Although they did provide bedding and towels, we took her bedcover too so when she looked at the bed from being in it or from across the room it still looked like hers. Also mums home was happy to use the bedding their residents preferred which in my mums case was definitely sheets and blankets . All of this helped the settling in process.

[caringcarer]

Buy the hanging pouches that you can hang on to the back of doors for your Mum to store things in. A clock, calendar she can write on to the squares birthdays etc, wet wipes, tissues, book of stamps, a couple of pens, puzzle books if she likes them Suduko, crosswords, word searches some note let's in case she wants to write to anyone, a couple of bottles of squash in 2 different flavours a few sweets/chocolate.

[caringcarer]

Sew in labels. They take ages to do but it means her clothes won't get lost very often.

[ooooohnoooooo]

Please can I recommend stamptastic stamps for belongings ?

They work on hot washes as well as books, plastic items etc.

We had one for my dad. Did it stop lots of his things going missing through. Not theft, just disorganisation.

It's a big step but in my experience the people are lovely and your mum will be well cared for.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Remember to label absolutely everything - her glasses, the charger for her phone as well as the phone itself, her notepad and pen and so on.

(indelible marker on labels of clothes works as well as sew in labels and is a lot less effort)

See if you’re able to put in a big noticeboard or magnetic whiteboard - useful for photographs and cards.

Some pictures of her doing interesting things - remind everyone of the person she really is, and a good conversation starter for staff.

[newfriend05]

My tip is a bit different, I use to work in a care home years ago .. we had one resident who use to work as a show girl but high end .. she had two lovely sons very well spoken and had obviously had been brought up very loved ..they put big photo up of they mum young and beautiful in her room it made all the staff view her a little bit differently.. as if we knew her before ..she was only in her 60s early onset dementia ..

[LemonadeQueen]

Sorry if repeats:
Family photos, my nan had wedding day photo to start. Own bedding and blanket is nice comfort wise. Slippers. Definitely mark everything! Including own mugs. Own tea and coffee biscuits for settling with. Own fridge could be a possibility if preferred Own food sometimes. Pens and notepad for lists. Sweets etc

[Mum5net]

Something to look at - be distracted - when staff do her personal care….
could be a home made family tree of photos showing her husband, her DC her DGC with photos and names.
the staff will know you then when you phone.

[Mum5net]

And take photos of her glasses, false teeth etc and fave things so staff can repatriate them to her room.
so much easier to say ‘have you seen her green scarf?’when you can produce a photo of it…
they might also let you bring a family dog into visit

[YesIwillyesIwillYes]

You’ve all made me feel quite tearful. Thank you so much for taking the time to help me out. This thread is full of amazing ideas. X

[LemonadeQueen]

Just rembered, own TV with a Dvd player built in was a god send to pass the time if has any favourite films. Staff helped with this in evenings as nan when in from hospital chair/bedbound.

[LaPalmaLlama]

There are often people around who you can pay to bulk sew naming labels into things if you're pressed for time. Think it's normally school uniform but I imagine they're flexible.

[ragdoll12345]

My mum, dad & FIL were in different homes at different times and all provided a TV for residents. Check what this home does

[Borntobeamum]

I took a soft blanket that mum always had on Her bed at home. It provided a tiny bit of normality for her.

I also took some of her perfume and (faux) jewellery. She always had her pearls on and could continue to do so.

Mums care home was small - 15 residents and very family orientated. We were always welcomed at any time of day or night. We knew every member of staff and they were all magnificent.

The staff are who make the home in my opinion.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

I’d just add, label absolutely everything, especially if the care home also accepts residents with any degree of dementia. Not just any photo frames, but the back of the photos, too.

And don’t do what I did, and neglect to stitch the dressing gown belt to the dressing gown (or label it, but stitching is better) so it was lost forever in the wash and I had to buy DM another.

If you can somehow put an identifying mark on glasses (not always easy) do so. IIRC I put dabs of bright nail polish on arms too thin for anything else.