Torn between elderly dad and toddler

[Claref80]

I'm not sure what I'm asking, just need a rant I think. My elderly dad has been in hospital all week, I'm the only relative around who can help, sibling lives abroad. I also have a two year old and am 8 months pregnant. I feel I need to be in hospital every day, as he's pretty deaf and nothing seems to get done if I'm not there. Consultants, etc just mumble at the end of the bed, and it's only when I'm there asking questions, finding out what the treatment is, when discharge is likely, etc that progress is made - it's so frustrating. I feel so sorry for patients who don't have a relative to stand up for them. On the other hand, I've been in hospital every day this week, and I'm exhausted, I'm supposed to be enjoying maternity leave, and I think my toddler feels ignored - and that's even before the new baby arrives! Toddler at nursery today and I just want to sleep all day, but feel I need to go and support dad too!

[Jambalaya76]

Its hard, I've been there. You can't be there all the time and you have to look after yourself first or you will be good for nothing. Have a rest first then go up in the afternoon

[RosaWaiting]

it is very hard

as you are the only one, tbh one major concern I'd have is how he will cope after discharge - does he normally have carers or anything?

[Claref80]

Thankfully, he has a carer once a day in his flat to help with dressing and washing. I do his shopping and take him to appointments, that sort of thing. But might need to rethink that when breastfeeding a newborn, in a matter of weeks! Haven't quite worked out how to fit it all in. I've been to see him, he's seems to be doing fine, so I'm off home for a nap!
These hospital stays are particularly hard, as it feels like you have to put your own life on hold, while you sort them out. The rest of the time it's manageable. Doesn't help that sibling has no idea how stressful and difficult it can be, because they're not here to experience it. I almost feel jealous - they are busy living their life, fairly oblivious to what I have to deal with. Hope that doesn't sound really bitchy, it's just good to have a moan!!

[stucknoue]

Can your sibling help with funding an additional carer or taxis to appointments maybe?

[Whosorrynow]

It doesn't sound bitchy at all and you should be careful that you don't get left to do everything

[SmallAndFarAway]

There is a board for Elderly parents on here somewhere, might be worth a look? I'm no expert but as far as I know the key thing is not to let him be discharged from hospital without care being in place for when he goes home - you lose any leverage otherwise and it gets very difficult to get any extra help. You don't want to struggle even more!

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Doesn't help that sibling has no idea how stressful and difficult it can be, because they're not here to experience it. I think people who've not had someone in hospital think visiting is all about going in to cheer up the patient. They don't realise the main purpose of visiting is a) to make sure they get the care and treatment they need b) make sure they have a constant supply of clean pyjamas and anything else they need.

[slipperywhensparticus]

Can you speak to the staff and explain he is having difficulty hearing?

[Claref80]

Thank you all. Thankfully he's been discharged now, so the pressure is off a bit. Fingers crossed no more hospital stays for a while! I'm going to make sure there are plans in place for shopping, etc for after I've given birth