What if I keep my ds down a year?

[ButterflyBessie]

My ds (dc3) is a June baby and is immature for his age, he is meant to be starting school in September but I am not at all convinced that he is ready for school

My two older children started school with no worries either from us or them, so I am not prone to these feelings

My ds is quite bright but is not happy at going to pre-school and I have many issues about the sense in pushing him to go to school when he is not ready.

I know that I do not legally have to send him to school until the term after his 5th birthday but the law says that he would skip reception and start in year 1 with his peers. I don't think that this is the answer at all .

I want him to start in reception in 2009 when he would be 5 and 3 months and the oldest in his class.

I am convinced that I could fight my case with the local council and achieve this - I am very convincing , but, would this be the right thing for him?

Is he likely to be bullied in the future for being the oldest in his year group? (He obviously won't be going up a year)

Has anyone done this and it has/hasn't worked?

I am worried and confused and need guidance

[ButterflyBessie]

Don't want to divulge area , I think that I could be quite obvious as to who I am

From all the messages on here I am now leaning towards easing him in gently, In the first term I will probably be more inclined to put him in only 3 mornings, second term 5 mornings and summer term all day

Thank you all for your input, I still (obviously) know my family better than all of you , but the thought that a decision now might have such a large impact when he would be in year 7/8 is something I hadn't thought about very much.

[mrz]

I have a child in my present class who didn't start full time until January as I knew she wouldn't be able to cope. Mum was reluctant as she wanted her in full time, but it has worked really well.

[ernest]

what area are you in, ButterflyBessie ? Any closer to a decision?

[bozza]

I think the ideas of either deferring to January or half days or both is the best TBH. But then I have a DD who is nearly the same age (may birthday) and I think she is ready to go to school. Suppose that might be a girl thing though. Still we have two intakes here so she will not be going until January.

[ernest]

yes, I mean, the problem is, he is about to move to IS but not to British system. If he were to move directly to the British system, he'd be moving from year 2 to year 5, which is totally insane. At least now the agp is only 1 year, he'd be missing 3 in Brit syst, so if we moved back to UK and he was put in the 'correct' group, we'd be back in the position of having missed 3 years of education. sigh.

[LIZS]

ernest, you may find your ds2 makes greater progress in an English speaking environment such that he could make the transition within a year or so (assuming there is a place). Friends' ds did the same when he moved to an International school from local (Speech and Language issues) but a year later "skipped" to his peer group. Not without its problems as there were gaps but with extra support it is possible. Bearing in mind the number of ESL speakers in that environment the tolerance is wide. Better to make the switch while there than straight from that to UK imho.

[Littlefish]

In this area too the child would be returned to their correct year group when they went to secondary school, thereby missing Year 7, and being separated from friends who they may have known since Reception.

Another trouble with missing out Year 7 is that the school's transition support is aimed predominantly at year 7 children.

[ernest]

Can I but in with a Q on this topic then, as you've got me a bit worried.

ButterflyBessie seems to think that it won't be a problem to remain in the 'wrong' peer group for the entire school career, others here say that's not true. WIll it vary from areas to area, and how do you find out 100% for sure?

(reason being, we are moving next weeks from Switzerland to Germany. ds1, end of AUgust born is here in year 2. in the new school he should be in year 3, so not only would he be the veyr youngest in the year, he'll also have missed an entire year of education, pluss he'll for the 1st time be being educated in english, which he hasn't really learnt to write, tho can read - he's used to working in German). We decided it was all too much, so have enrolled him into the 2nd class, effectively moving him down a year. The school had no problem with this and didn't raise it at all.

BUT at some point (say in 2 years) we may move back to UK, I wouldn't be happy about him missing eg the 1st year of secondary school and being forced to go straight into year 8, never having done year 7

It is really that nig a deal, people saying about being with 'wrong' age & peer group etc? I mean, there could be a kid in his class with a 1st September birthday, so they would only be 1 week apart in age.

[windygalestoday]

I dont think you would get a school to agree tbh.......ive had this with ds1 whose 14 hes august born and one of the very youngest he was literally a baby when he went to school in fct i deferred sending him and seriously considered moving to scotland because you can delay school for a year there.

In England as far as i am aware you cannot do it - they have to be in that age group with support if neccesary ........my own ds1 despite not talking and being so vv young for reception class?.......hes 14,year 10 thriving doing his gcses with peers who are 16 next birthday.....it all works out eventually.

[seeker]

I wonder what your school's atitude to part time is? How would your ds cope with mornings only until, say, Easter? I insisted on mornings only for my ds - I was intending to keep this up until Easter myself, but ds decided he wanted to go full time after Christmas, and it worked well for him.

The only child I know who stayed down a year (he wasn't young, but had a horrendous time in Reception in entirely the wrong school for him, so his very very determined mother pulled him out and started again the next year in a different school) found it very difficult in years 5 and 6 when some of the little darlings decided to pick on him for being too old and therefore "obviously" thick. There were also HUGE problems about the transition to Secondary school - it took nearly a year of battling to get the aurhority to let him go into year 7 and not directly into year 8. He was embarrassed and unhappy about the situation - and his mother now says she wished she hadn't insisted on him repeating reception. Only one example, I know, but worth bearing in mind.

[twentypence]

You could also move to NZ. He would start at 5 years old in year 0 and then move to year 1 the next February.

Children with SEN can stay at school until they are 21, which solves the repeating year being kicked out of school without finishing problem.

Why the rest of the world doesn't use this system I fail to understand.

[RosaLuxforherfriends]

You need to find out what your local authority's policy on secondary schools admissions is. In our area, they would insist on a child in this situation skipping year 7 and going straight into year 8. Which would be your basic nightmare, frankly.

[mumeeee]

You might be ablr e to keep him down a ear when he starts but he will have to go to secondary school at the rught age,so some where along the way he will have to jump a class.

[ButterflyBessie]

mrz

It doesn't offend, it makes me laugh .

I have 4 children and do not 'not cope' with their situations . My first two have gone into school at the correct time and there have been no worries from either the child or the parent. My ds is imo immature and I cannot envisage that he will adapt and settle into school easily.

I have taken on board all that has been written in this thread and will approach his 'problem' with an open mind, maybe in the next few months he will grow up mentally (here's hoping )

I am interested though Roisin as to which county you are in?

[mrz]

Sorry if this offends but is it your DS who won't cope or his mum? Children are much more resilient that you imagine and he won't be the first young/immature child the reception teacher has experienced. Far better work with the teacher and the school and see if there is some flexibility if he can't cope.

[ButterflyBessie]

Thanks for all your responses, I know that June is not terribly young, but I think that in my ds's case he is very immature and I am not sure how he will cope with going to school in September

Neither of us wish to hold him back and put him straight into year 1 the following year, we think that that will cause him even more problems with settling in.

I do not want to send my son to school in September, him to not only hate it but also not be able to cope with it and taint his whole schooling experience.

I had not realised that there would be a problem with him going up to secondary school in the right year.

Does anyone have a child who they have held back and this has worked for?

[Clary]

I think it?s quite unlikely that you would get the OK from the school.

I have a friend whose DS is end august and has developmental delay and a statement (though this was not fully recognised when he was 4) ? he has mobility issues and speech is slow. They had to fight so hard to get him held back a year and start in reception at five and a week, bringing in paed, SALT etc to argue their corner.

FWIW having done it I think it?s a good thing. He is now in yr 3 but should be in same yr as my DS1 and he would really struggle with that work imho. But it?s quite a specific situation wrt the delay, which I don?t think you are suggesting with yr DS.

June is not that young, in the scheme of things. My pal?s boy has a birthday just a few days earlier than some of his classmates ? yr DS would be months earlier which would maybe seem odd?

good posts from roisin (as usual!

[mrz]

You say the reception teacher says your child will be able to take GCSEs at 17 but this would be normal for a June child working in their own school year group not for a child who has effectively missed a full year of secondary school education. I would also dispute that most reception teachers know a great deal about the workings of secondary schools so would advice as many others have already said to check this information with the LA and certainly get it in writing. I know had a great deal of paperwork to complete in order to keep a child who had started a year behind her school year group in primary school rather than transferring and missing Y6 and going directly into Y7. The child in question will leave this summer and go directly into Y8 of a special school.

[snorkle]

12 roisin - she'll be 13 in August. The children I know who have had to skip years on moving to secondary have all been from the same school but decided for one reason or another not to stay for secondary. The LEA schools round here won't take kids out of age, so it does restrict choice there (not that we'd have chosen different, but it's nice to feel you do have the choice)

[roisin]

Some interesting points there Snorkle.

How old is your dd now?

[snorkle]

Oh yes, I know children who have skipped either year 6 or 7 to get back into the right year as secondary schools won't take them out of age - you have to be VERY sure this won't happen.

Your milk teeth example made me laugh roisin - dd was the very last to lose hers even being the eldest. At 12 she still has over half of them firmly in place! Have to say peer issues haven't really been an issue for us, but then it's a private school and there are several students a year who are out of year, so not that rare.

[snorkle]

Dd did this and it seems to be working OK. We later realised her 'unreadyness' for school was due to dyslexia, which does give her some ongoing problems. I tend to think the problems would have been greater if she had started a year sooner but you never really know how things would have worked out and the difference may have been minimal.

She has some esteem issues, which I think are more related to the dyslexia, but aren't really helped by the age issue ('I must be thick as I'm not in the right year'). The other potential drawback is sport. She's been hoofed off school teams once or twice when it's been realised she's too old for them.

If I had my time over I'm not sure I'd do the same. I think delaying entry by 2 or 3 terms and starting in the older year as roisin suggests might be better - this wasn't an option for us.

[roisin]

ButterflyBessie - in a school system where (at the moment) skipping or dropping a year is still very rare - peer group is very important, and being in the wrong one can cause problems.

Milestones are crossed together: everyone is celebrating their seventh birthday this year, whose is the first to lose one of their milkteeth, how far can you swim, have you taken your stabilisers off your bike yet? etc. etc.

As a June baby the difference for your son is minimised.

I don't see it is impossible, but I do see it as undesirable, and I'm not sure why you want to pursue it.