Summerborn - delay/defer start of school - please talk to me!

[OhGood]

Hello all. I would love to hear from anyone planning to delay or defer their summerborn child this year, or anyone who has done this before.

DH and I are coming to the conclusion that we will delay our DS.

Please talk to me! I want to hear what made you decide to do this. And if you have delayed/deferred previously, what did you do with your child for the year they were not in school? Any advice?

I am finding this decision agonising. Would love to hear from you. Thank you.

[Schmoochypoos]

I have an August baby, he will start in September 2 weeks after his 4th birthday. I have met with the Head and Reception teacher (he already attends the school
Nursery which is in the same classroom as reception) who have really put any of my concerns to rest, they are fully aware of children who are younger and older and will tailor their approach to each individual child, they have even suggested shorter days at the beginning if they think he's struggling with tiredness. I am really lucky I think, it's a small village school with only 15 in each cohort.

[Violetcharlotte]

Hi OP, I'm not sure what the rules are nowadays, but if I could go back to when my eldest DS started school I would definitely defer if I could. He's an August baby and started school 3 weeks after he turned 4. He took a long time to settle down and I was constantly being called in because he wasn't concentrating, wasn't focused, took too long changing after PE, etc. He's caught up now (he's 17) but it took him a long time and I think he missed out on a lot of learning in the first few years as he really struggle d with the basics.

I think it does depend a lot on the child though, I know other summer babies who coped absolutely fine, but if you think your DS will struggle I'd certainly defer.

[OhGood]

Smoochy, your school sounds lovely!

Violet I am sorry your DS had a tough time. And so glad he has caught up now. 'Wasn't focused' - sounds so harsh, doesn't it; he was only just 4! How do you think it affected him, if at all, outside school?

[outputgap]

OP, I have worked with amazingly bright and successful Oxbridge summerborns, but was aware that in aggregate the data suggests they are at a disadvantage. That, and as I say, the lack of spare resource at home, meant that I was keen to redress the balance for my own son in whatever way was available to me.

The school is lovely, so I knew they'd be very chilled about it. I just dropped them an email to start the conversation and the headteacher checked funding questions and okayed it with the governors. I checked with the LA and ds's nursery, and we were good to go.

His key worker forgot about the delay at the end of last term and started to get concerned about his school readiness. She was palpably relieved when I reminded her that we now have an extra year!

If you're thinking about it, why not approach the school and ask in general about it and age. Perhaps like schmoochypoos you will feel reassured, or you will find it easy to agree to delay.

[BackforGood]

I agree with Meditrina and soapboxQueen. LAs don't have to allow a child the right to go into Reception a year later just because the parent wants them to have an advantage. They have to consider each application on it's own merits. It is a battle in our authority, for dc who have a list of valid reasons and a Team of professionals around that child who support the application.
It's not there for children just because they happen to be summer born.

DH and I both work FT and would rely on the preschool to keep DS in phonics.
What makes you think
a) the preschool would want to have an older child in the room? They have to consider the younger dc moving into their pre- school rooms
b) the pre-school staffwould want to be teaching phonics to him, when he's 'not ready for Reception'?

Oh, and academies have different admissions policies from schools maintained by the LA, so you'd have to ask them separately.

[Violetcharlotte]

Ohgood it really affected him quite badly. As he was so unsettled the school insisted on a delayed start so he never actually went full time until the summer. He really struggled to make friends as he wasn't there all the time. Looking back, I'm not sure though how much of this was the fault of the school, rather than him being a summer baby? I wonder if he'd gone to a different school things would have been better. At the time I was young and naively thought the school knew best. And there wasn't all the information available online like the is now.

He didn't really settle down until year 5 when I moved him to a different school, and didn't really 'catch up' socially until he was about 14. His gcse results were not great, but he's doing what he wants to do now so that's all good.

I think if I was in your position I'd compare your DS with his peers and look at how he matches up in terms of his development. If he does seem very young in comparison then I think it's better to defer him a year if you can.

[MrsJamesMathews]

OP, have you had discussions already with the school and your DS's current nursery/preschool to find out how the land lies with a plan of action for if you decide to delay a year?

We can never predict the future, can we. All we can do is trust our instincts.

[Upanddownroundandround]

Our DS was born in late July. Decided to start him 4 days a week and just told the school that he wouldn't be attending on Fridays when he started in the September. The school accepted it and he did so well that we sent him 5 days a week from the January. I didn't want to hold him back from moving up with his friends from nursery. He was old enough to understand the process so would have been upset by this. However I don't regret taking him off Fridays for a moment. It worked perfectly. He missed nothing and got a day of rest which he needed at his age. Hope you find the right solution for your DC.

[StinkPickle]

My son was 4 in May. We didn't start him in sept as he wasn't ready. Refused to hold a pencil and was painfully shy. He'd have hated it. We started him in January instead and he loves it.

There was a huge developmental leap in him from the summer to January. He's in the top set now in reception for reading and writing. We gently taught him the sounds at home so he hadn't missed anything academic.

It was absolutely the best decision for him. You know your child best.

[anotherdayanothersquabble]

My DS is mid august born and now in year 8. If I had had the choice and could be sure that he would be allowed to stay in the same year as he was admitted throughout his education and wouldn't miss a yeat, I would have waited another year.

He is a bright boy, top 5% of his year but life would have been so much easier if he had been older. I don't believe it would have 'held him back' as bright children always have to find ways to stretch themselves, socially he mixes with children older and younger but being one of the older ones would have been better for him.

There have been times we have considered keeping him back (we now live abroad and school in the international system so could have pushed this if needed) but once you are on the carousel it's much more difficult to get off...

[Zebrasinpyjamas]

Op I think a lot of people will tell you about their child born in Aug that has done well at school. I don't think that is very relevant as you know your child best. I'm a year behind you but am considering the same thing as you, ie to start at reception at just turned 5 (compulsory school age).
I'm lucky that my area has a policy of automatically agreeing to this. I've still found headteachers to not know much about the rules without doing some research first. If you take this route go prepared with your rights and options as you might have to educate your school choice too. If you have a reception place for this September you are not allowed to defer it for a whole year (you have to take that place up by the summer term). You reapply next year.
My concern isn't really reception as I think DS will 'cope' with that but the transition to year 1 which is more formal. He has a few delays (nothing really significant but are noticeable) and is shy. I want him to thrive and love school and think the extra year will benefit him. I don't like the idea if starting mid year as he will miss some important teaching/opportunities to make friends.
In terms of preschool, I'm thinking if changing his nursery from a private daycare nursery to state preschool at just turned 4 so he has a progression and doesn't feel like he is being left behind.
Good luck with whatever you decide.

[OhGood]

Thank you, all, for advice. Sorry I have not been able to keep up with thread.

[AnneofGreenGablesAgain]

I have been where you are now op and I well know how it feels!

My August born has been deferred and for us this has been the right decision. My dc just wasn't ready and that became obvious very quickly while they were still in the nursery class of the same school.

There has been a world of difference in waiting a year. At the point when reception should have been starting my dc couldn't even hold a pencil properly (still had full fist grip), wasn't able to play well with other dc, couldn't sit still in class, couldn't sit through assembly. They weren't ready for whole days and cried every pick up.

The following year when we started reception (deferred) dc could sit still, had a proper pencil grip and had started writing their name, could sit through assembly and haven't cried at a single pick up.

You have to bear in mind that as deferring is so rare in most ares of the U.K. Most people who are against it have no real lived experience of how it pans out. They are stating current policy and what they've been told and believe is the reason for the policy.

[AnneofGreenGablesAgain]

I would do it again in a heartbeat - something that was said to us a lot was that by deferring we wee separating dc from peers and there would be social consequences. Dc bonded so well with reception. Class - much better because they had the same emotional maturity.

[AnneofGreenGablesAgain]

To help get our dc school ready in the extra nursery year we increased nursery to every morning and did after school activities that promoted listening, being in groups with other children and following adult instructions e.g. You could do Sport clubs. If you want to keep phonics going the jolly phonics songs are brilliant for the car.

[Etak15]

My July born dc started in sept last year, I was worried she would be behind the others but there are a quite a few summer borns in her class, and she's doing fine, just about as expected in everything. She was really tired first few months although she enjoyed school she was miserable in the evenings due to tiredness, and I saw a change in school hols to her personality. But she's got used to it now and is fine - in fact she couldn't wait to go back to school this week had missed her friends.
I like the idea a pp had about having Fridays off - I think that would have been beneficial for my dd for the first few months.

[justwanttoweeinpeace]

Hey PP - we are deferring too. Both state and private schools are really relaxed about it here.

I'm a member of the Facebook group and they are a fantastic support group / resource, is def join them if I were you.

I've never met anyone challenge me on my decision face to face, but certain areas online can be quite negative about it. I don't explain my reasoning, I find the term 'competitive advantage' tends to shut things down pretty quickly. Whether that is my reason or not, the complete strangers who tend to like to judge mark me down as a twat and leave me to it 😀

[Tainbri]

I haven't read all the posts so just jumping in, but we delayed our (late July) born ds by a year and he was then effectively back classes as he went into reception having stayed at nursery. It was absolutely the best thing we did. However, we sent him to a private infant school as we were told that whilst legally he didn't have to start school until thenterm after his 5th birthday they wanted him in his chronological age. The whole point was he wasn't ready for it! All I'd say is gonwith your instincts and be prepared to fight for what you feel is right.

[stoplickingthetelly]

The only person I know of who has defered and then been allowed to start reception with the new cohort (so should really have been in the year above) was summer born, but she also had very specific learning and medical needs. She would have missed mist of reception due to being in hospital. All others who have defered have essentially had to miss out reception and go into year 1 do they are with the correct age group. I personally think this puts them at a disadvantage socially. Are you sure you want to defer? Maybe speak to the school. Reception teachers are usually very skilled and experienced at dealing with summer born children x

[mrz]

As a teacher and mum of two summer born children I personally wouldn't delay my own children starting school unless they could defer a full year and start reception rather than Y1. Missing one or two terms means they are playing catch up from day one which in my experience is a bigger obstacle than being the youngest in class.

[cantkeepawayforever]

I would start with consulting the secondary school that your child is most likely to go to, and speaking to the LA about secondary admissions. Will they allow a deferred child to stay in their deferred year group, or will they be required to miss either Y6 or Y7?

If they have to miss Y6 or Y7, that would, IME, be substantially worse than starting Reception very shortly after their 4th birthday, so it would not be worth deferring.

If they don't, and can progress in their deferred year, then I feel it would only be worth it if youn AND delayed in some aspect of development, rather than simply young. Reception is very similar to nursery, as it follows the same EYFS curriculum, and you may find that your child suffers from lack of peers in their pre-school / nursery setting for an extra year.

For some children, it can work well. i have taught a year-deferred child with significant SEN, for whom we got documentation of 'out of age group transfer' for all schools they would mnove on to (3 tier system). Although the specifics of SEN meant that they remained well below even the younger age group, the gap was somewhat reduced, at least in the initial years of schooling.

[itsawonderfulworld]

Personally I wouldn't defer, purely because it risks causing much bigger problems later on. Secondary schools don't have to accept children outside their "natural" cohort, so you risk your child having to move to secrondary school straight from Year 5, or going into Year 8 from Year 6. It also causes all kinds of problems for Games fixtures and your child may end up having to play with the year above.

DS1 is summer born and was very young for his year socially although fine academically. Ironically DS2, who is one of the oldest in his year, took longer to adapt to school than his older brother. You know your child best, but do be aware of the possible pitfalls if you decide to defer.

[TotallyEclipsed]

There are pros and cons as mentioned. If you defer, be aware that you have effectively used up your 'spare year' before you start. It's actually not all that unusual to need this year later on due to ill health, going off the rails as a late teen, or most commonly messing up first year of sixth form due to poor subject choices or not enough work (or both). Without the spare year in hand you can't get sixth form funding for the last year, so you don't have the option to repeat a year ever. Just a thought. I know someone who fell foul of this and never finished sixth form having started reception a year late.