school dilemma (long)

[brushyourteethNOW]

Ds is 8yo. He has just been through the selection process for a boarding prep school and has been offered a place. He's not sure about it: he loves his current school and when he spent a day at the potential new school he said the lessons were like y2 lessons. However, ds really likes his music to the point of being obsessed and the new school is fantastic in this respect.

It will be very hard for us to pay the fees but we can do it in theory if we are very frugal. We don't have to pay full fees so it would be "only" around 10k pa. But then it's not as if we can find that sort of money down the back of the sofa...

I'm not sure what to do. The music would be fab for ds and he'd love that. But he's happy now. He might always resent it if we didn't take the opportunity. But it will be really hard financially if we do. And is it worth paying such a huge chunk of the family income so ds can do lots of music?

I think the new school is probably similar to his current (fantastic state) school in terms of academic standards. He'd finish in y8 and there is no chance we'd be able to send him to an independent school afterwards so we'd be trying to get him a place in a local school for y9.

And on top of this is the boarding. I'm sure he'd cope but I would miss him awfully. Now I have written this it seems all the arguments are pointing to keeping him at home. He won't have this opportunity again though - it is start this school at 8yo or nothing.

What to do?

[CarolineKnappShappey]

It's not just a case of not learning to sing so well, it's about an all round musical education. It's about musicianship. It is a unique opportunity, something very, very special.

However, it sounds like you've made your decision as loving and supportive parents, and I'm sure your DS will flourish

[CarolineKnappShappey]

You need to post this with a thread title about being a chorister. It is a whole different world to any other boarding, even other specialist boarding schools.

Fwiw if he is happy being a chorister there is IMO no better musical training than that.

[Scholes34]

How will DS1 being away from home impact on DS2 and DD? The family dynamic will change.

[manicinsomniac]

In case you are anywhere near Chichester - I have a friend who works at a choir school there which (according to him, admittedly!) has fantastic academic standards, is mixed sex (though only boys in the choir) and has incredible instrumental musicians too who get a lot of input (an 8 year old as well as several others have just taken grade 8 on various instruments). It's called Prebendells.

[brushyourteethNOW]

I think we have come to a conclusion. If ds goes to the prep school he will have a fantastic and unique experience as a chorister and a really good musical education. He will also have to live away from home and we'llhave much more uncertainty about secondary schools, and more potential for inequity between the children.

If he stays at home he will have a fantastic but not unique experience being a normal child. We won't be certain he'll get into the local secondary of our choice but the chances are good. In terms of academic progress and instrumental music I don't think there'll be a difference. He won't have to choose between the two instruments he learns. He won't learn to sing so well but he can still sing for fun in the church choir and if he wants we can pay for singing lessons.

Taking the school fees out of the equation has helped clarify things. We will have one more look at the prep school to make certain but I think we are likely to leave him where he is as he's happy.

[Snowybird]

If you are in London/Kent there is an alternative: the Queen's Chapel of the Savoy which is linked to a very fine grammar school and doesn't require boarding. My son has been a serious musician since the age of six and he is very happy there.
www.royalchapelsavoy.org

[ZeroSomeGameThingy]

Sooooo...... coming back after the revelation of the one crucial piece of info left out of your OP - I can't believe the school wouldn't work with you to find a financially viable way for your Ds to progress through prep and senior schools.

I appreciate what you say about the likelihood of 5% scholarships - but singing at that level is a very specialised skill and after five years of training at prep he ought to be a rather valuable commodity. Talk to the school - I'm sure they don't expect him to just disappear into the grammar school system after five years as a chorister. (I know it's perfectly possible to sing at high levels anywhere but ....)

[Thepoodoctor]

I went back into the state sector after said choir school and the only casualty was the headmasters pride (I was supposed to go to his selected independent girls school ) It was of course an adjustment but not one that did me any harm - in fact I think it had many benefits.

Could you talk to the school about any further help they could give with fees? £10k doesn't sound like a huge reduction?

It sounds as if given the choice DS would go for it - so probably the biggest barrier is the financial one as pp says.

Any chance of giving it a try for a year or two to see what impact on family finances is, or would that feel just too hard if it didn't work out? Could understand if so.

[SweetPenelope]

It sounds like you can't afford it. I don't think it's fair on the younger children even if you're personally willing to make a sacrifice.

Will they be able to have lessons/clubs in activities they may be good at or enjoy? "Sorry you can't be in that ballet show because all our money is going on Johnny's passion."

[brushyourteethNOW]

Ds2 can sing very nicely when he thinks nobody is listening and has a good sense of pitch. He is also very shy and has devoted considerable effort into avoiding instrumental practice, so much so that he won't be having lessons after this term and will be taking up a sport he has chosen. So that's a long way of saying I have two very different but equally lovely boys and ds2 won't be doing a voice trial any time soon!

Dd is 3 so not sure yet! She won't follow ds1 to this potential school as it's just boys.

I have seen the leavers' destinations for the past few years and they're a mix of local independent schools and the famous public schools. I can ask about going back into the state sector (which I don't see as a bad thing).

[Dimittis]

Agree with Thepoodoctor that the chance to be around other talented children, who prioritise music like your DS does, is a big plus. No matter how many summer courses and after school music clubs he goes to, if he's got serious talent then choristership is the most amazing daily musical education. Does the school have strong music outside the choir? If so then he'd get something out of it on more than one front.

If he did easy work on his visit, are there any ways they would stretch his academic side? If he only visited briefly they may not have known his ability levels. I'd be asking questions about extension if I were you (and if they don't offer this kind of thing it would help make your mind up).

Have you asked if there's any additional financial help available? There are lots of grant-making music trusts and some of these may be able to offer something to a cathedral chorister.

Is there someone at the school you could talk to about grammar/scholarship options? Are your other DCs musical and could they be choristers too? (That would be one solution!)

[Theas18]

Gosh how difficult for you all. 8 is very young to decide all this isn't it.

If he has to go into a state school from year 9 that makes it worse too....

No non boarding cathedrals/high status churches near you? RSCM has a good list of places offering choral scholarships that would be a good place to start.

(my background- 3 choristers at a "non choir school" cathedral and state grammar, worked for us.... eldest now holding a choral scholarship at uni, at a church that you'd not look at twice unless you actually heard the choir- which is as good as our cathedral)

[EasterHoliday]

There are a lot of other factors for cathedral choristers. The school holidays are never in line with other schools because they're needed for the Christmas and Easter services, so it's very hard to keep in touch with his existing friends when he is at home. They're also very small schools so if he doesn't get on with those friends, it's very tough.

if the opportunity you're throwing away is a music scholarship to a school you still can't afford, then it's not really an option is it?

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Will your other children be affected financially by this opportunity that is only going to benefit one of your children? Whilst I am all for giving a children different opportunities depending on their abilities and personalities, I would not let my younger child suffer because all our money was tied up in the older one.
Even if your younger ones aren't able to go to choir school etc, they shouldn't be restricted in their own chosen activities if money is tight from paying school fees for their older brother.

[brushyourteethNOW]

Ds pestered us to take him for a voice trial. That's what's led to this dilemma.

I'm trying to get an understanding of the opportunity that we could be throwing away. Balanced against my adored ds away at boarding school and it costing us £10K per year.

[celestialsquirrelnuts]

It's a long shot but are you near oxford? If so have you looked at Radley college? That has an excellent choir for 8yo up, but is a couple of evenings and Sundays only, term time only, so a) you stay at your current school b) don't have every christmas and Easter ruined by services and c) still have the benefits of a fantastic musical education.

If you aren't near oxford that won't help you but just thought I would check...

[Floralnomad]

Did you apply because your son wanted to or because you wanted to ?

[brushyourteethNOW]

Commuting isn't possible. The choristers have to board and the rush hour into the city where the school is, is horrendous.

The school has a fantastic record of choristers getting music scholarships to public schools. The thing is, these tend to be worth about 5% of fees, which leaves 95% to find. And with 2 younger children that wouldn't be fair even if we could afford it.

Spending the money on ds will mean everything is tighter and more frugal, so we will continue to have a kitchen that's falling apart, rusty old cars and not much in the way of holidays. So it will affect the other 2 but dd is at nursery now and when she finishes we will be better able to find the fees and it will get easier.

In 5 years I'm not worried if he doesn't want to be a musician - he'll have done something amazing and fulfilling for 5 years. Singing is an end in itself, and from what I've seen choristers tend to reflect very positively on their time in a choir.

We chose this school over a more local one because the boys get scheduled time for two instrumental practices during the day - some schools don't do this. The general standard of music at the school is very good and some of the stuff the choir tackles is breathtaking.

And there aren't any cathedral choirs nearby without schools attached.

[CharityCase]

I think you need to talk to the school about the 'what next' plan- what have boys in his situation done historically. It may be that they have a good record in getting scholarships to secondary schools.

Also, do you have other children? Does spending this money on ds limit their opportunities?

[mummytime]

I would seriously look at the alternatives. What other opportunities are there for him more locally. Church/Cathedral Choirs (not all board) other youth choirs, Orchestras? (A lot of Choristers do miss out on the Orchestra experience). Exactly what other music does the choir school offer (sometimes it is limited because of the amount of time in choir). What about sport?
I would also strongly recommend looking at Saturday Academies. They may provide far more in terms of music.


Also what will you do if in 5 years he says he wants to do something else?

On the plus side, a lot of Choristers do go on to Music scholarships at top schools.

[Martorana]

Just to say you are very unlikely to be able to get him into a grammar school in year 9- so you really will have to have a Plan B. Is there a cathedral choir he can get into without being part of the choir school? (The one near us has some places on that basis)

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Is there any possibility that he could commute. I don't say this lightly as dd commutes to her specialist school an hour each way & it's hard with the hours involved & Saturday school for her (Sunday for him I guess)

But at least you'd get to keep him at home.

But going back to your OP - he isn't sure he wants to go & he loves his current school. My dd was adamant she wanted to go & she was unhappy at her current school.

[brushyourteethNOW]

It's not that the choir school has poor academic standards - the children get through common entrance after all - it is just that ds said the work the children did was easier than his own school, and he'd found the maths questions very much like things he did last year. We are blessed with a very lovely village school so I wouldn't dream of going down the route of private education if it wasn't for this.

It's 10k a year, uncertainty about secondary school transfer, the possibility he'll tread water in his academic work (maths particularly) when we have a great school on the doorstep for free and he'll have a chance of grammar school.

Or singing, which he loves and will find fulfilling and provide him with the best possible musical education for a child his age.

On the money thing I don't think we could get a bursary as private schools expect parents to make some sacrifice to pay the fees. It's not as if we have an extravagant lifestyle - we have had 2 family holidays in the last 8 years, self catering in the uk, and the house is in a bit of disrepair while we are paying for nursery for a younger child, but once we stop paying nursery next September the savings on nursery fees could go on ds school fees.

[summerends]

Could you explore further fee remission or if bursaries are available if needed later?
The academic standard of the school is a concern if you think it is poorer as he won't have the time to catch up any deficiencies within the boarding chorister timetable.
However if he really loves singing then it is difficult to say no. If he is more likely to be an instrumentalist then he would have more time for that outside a choir school but would n't be surrounded by as many like-minded friends in the school week.

[brushyourteethNOW]

The school is one hour away. Ds is very confident and I'm sure he would settle into boarding. He'd miss us and he'd miss his old school but I know children settle in at new schools after a while.

It's just a question of whether we push ourselves into 5 years of frugality and uncertainty about secondary school transfer so that ds can sing. It's a bit of a head vs heart decision.