Today ds2 (to me anyway) clearly (again) demonstrated he has an ASD.
And agin he told me he'd had a 'step' warning letter and yet though i hung around waiting to recieve it- no approach from any teacher!
It all started at carpet time in literacy- he had been warned to 'control himself' and hadn't managed - so had to leave the group and have 'time out' at a table alone. Then for some reason he started doing the 'CAN CAN'- no i am not joking.
Now to me i should have been told about this- he was given the 'final warning' due to his 'lack of remorse'
When i met him from school he blurted all this out without my prompting right in front ds3's teacher- i said to her i did not know what to say anymore- i felt like giving up etc. that teacher then said "It's probably out of his control"....she's head of primary years...so is that finally and admission that they are 'seeing' him differently?
At home i asked him about why he'd not said sorry- he said that they didn't give him chance- i said he should still say sorry even if a warning letter is done- he said that no-one reminded him to like i do at home. So.....MY understanding is that he is waiting to be told to apologise- now THEY would see that as 'bad'- however with autism you find that just because a child can 'say the right thing' in a given situation that they are then unable to apply it to every other situation when for example 'sorry' would 'make things better'- eg if he smacks his brother and i demand he apologise he will do it- then he will do it again in 5 minutes time-with no sorry- when i ask him if he remembers me telling him to say sorry earlier- he will say something like 'but i 'only' smacked his arm THIS time, or that was because.....etc....now can seem like a child trying to wiggle out with excuses- but believe me it is not- and this at school 'proves' it- almost as if i have 'trained' him so well to say sorry at home (with prompting) that he cannot do it without prompting . Sooooo i feel a bit that i've made things worse- however-if the school are reseptive i can suggest they try my strategy to tackle this 'lack of remorse ' as they call it
Ie...if he's 'naughty' they need to say 'nows your chance to make things better and apologise'- he may then say it was not his fault (because..."it's out of his control" then they need to 'check he understands ' what he has done 'wrong' as o belive he genuinely has no idea immediately that he is 'being naughty'- then if he still will not apologise- then he needs a 3rd 'option to make the right choice' and apologise- and then he needs to be specifically told that "YOU did this....,which made me feel....,it would have been a good choice to say 'sorry' however now we will have to send home a Red Letter.....anyone familiar to the use of SOCIAL STORIES will recognise this- i handle most dissruptions at home like this
So tomorrow i will not mention it to school- i want to see if they do approach me- i have asked our paed to contact me urgently - and left a short summary of todays events- and if the school do not approach me (i wrote a 'letter of concern'the week before halfterm and they therefore know i am questioning their 'school/home communication'- then i will send a copy of the 'letter of concern' to the govenors with an update to include today's event- and a 'deadline' after which i will 'go official!'
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Autistic Behaviours- WARNING LETTER - But i'm not told....again!
21 replies
mrsforgetful · 24/02/2004 23:27
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