So we need to make a decision... (sorry, might be long!)

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

Have NC as I'm very recognisable in RL from my normal moniker. New user name pretty much sums it up!

DS is in reception at an "Outstanding" infant school, and next step is a "Satisfactory" junior. After that, the secondary options are very few and far between due to our location so we would need to move to within the catchment area of one of the local schools.

However, property anywhere near these schools is really at the top end of what we can get mortgage wise based on our joint income and equity we have in the place we own now (which we rent out). In addition to that, we currently get subsidised housing through DH's job which means we live on site and pay a % of his salary as rent. We can remain on site as long as we wish, and his job is long term and secure.

We've worked it out that the difference between our current rent and the amount we'd have to pay for a mortgage in the catchment area is actually as much as it would cost us per month to send DS to the local independent school, and the local prep is a feeder into one of the top 20 secondary schools in the country. For us, this is a bit of a no-brainer.

We went to the open day at the prep this morning with a view to DS finishing infant school where he is and then starting in Y3, but they happened to mention that there is still one space in Y1 left starting in Sept.

We've paid a very small deposit to register him, and then if the space hasn't already been taken we shuold get an offer of a place in the next 3 weeks at which point we'd need to make a large financial commitment.

DH feels that if we're going to move him anyway, which we've basically agreed to do, then we may as well do it earlier before he makes any attachments. Also, if we wait till Y3, he will have to do a standardised test (which I'm sure would be fine) whereas if he starts in September, he's guaranteed to move straight from pre-prep into prep.

I think I agree, but it all feels like it's moving a bit fast! Can someone please talk to me about it if you've made the move from government to independent and why you sent them/didn't send them at particular times? I'm very nervous for some reason!

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

Thanks Paddling - he has been invited to an open morning in June which is during a normal school day, so I think we're just going to be honest with his current school when we say where he's going to be.

Fingers crossed he'll love it!

[Paddlinglikehell]

Well done and best of luck. Dd he go in for a morning? If not it may be worth doing the last week of term, especially as that week is usually very relaxed.

Keep the good spin going, but not too heavy and you will be fine. Be prepared for a bit of a wobble from him just before moving, but he will be OK.

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

He got accepted! We've decided that we're definitely going to put him in in September - thank you so much all of you for your invaluable advice and recommendations, we really appreciate it

[moonbells]

keep us posted!

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

Paddling, thanks you so much for all of this. Your posts have really helped solidify our thinking.

I broached the subject gently with DS to day, explaining that if he stays where he is, he will have to change schools and friends two more times, but that there was another school where he can go to and make new friends and stay with them for a long, long time. He seemed receptive, and we chatted a bit about it.

I think that that has made my decision for me. Now we just have to hope that we get the place! Thank you all so much for your help

[Paddlinglikehell]

Oh and we had said there was another school we were going to look at, then took her along after we had been, they invited her for a morning.

I dropped her off, then had a phone call mid morning and thought they were phoning to pick her up as she hated it....it was to ask if she could stay for the afternoon. However although she loved it, we still had to do a bit of 'spin' to get her to make the decision to move. Maybe different for your son, as he is a bit younger.

I think the tennis courts and the swimming pool helped!

[Paddlinglikehell]

I know that feeling op, is was a heart wrenching time for us too. Probably worse as friendships had been well established.

Ironicaly, we partly chose the state because we didnt want to crush her outgoing personality, but it did just that, as in a class of 30, some of which were 'challenging' children, our dd was lost and cerainly not heard, so we watched her confidence being eroded. When she moved we saw that confidence and personality return very quickly.

I think you will find that most indies, actually bolster individuality and personality. Our dd suddenly found she was listened to and could contribute, something that didn't happen before.

As a previous poster says, it needn't be forever, you have a get out at Yr 6, when there is a lot of change anyway.

My only regret now, is that we didn't go down the private route at the start, although we did save a shed load of money in not doing so, but no regrets at the move.

We keep in touch with a lot of her old school friends, meet up in holidays and she goes to Brownies and things going on in the village. Dd misses her friends and that is the only downside. However, she loves her new school.

Tonight she sat down, did a load of column sums and fractions, without batting an eyelid ( she is not a high flyer, more arty). The kids in the same year at my school are only just starting column addition and carrying. That head start is worth every penny to us, but then we only have the one and feel that it is the best we can do for her. Two might be harder by way of finances.

Go with your gut feel. Pm me if you want to.

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

That's a great idea, thanks you!

[adeucalione]

It might be an idea to contact the school and ask whether he can visit for an afternoon, or for a tour, before you make your decision.

They will be in full 'selling' mode so DS will get VIP treatment and come out loving it - it might not be strictly necessary if he's an adaptable little chap, but it might make the process easier for him. At the very least it will be a known quantity when you tell him about the move, and you won't all spend the summer holidays fretting about whether he will like it.

If the school do their job properly he will come out having had a lovely time, and there might be a few familiar faces when he starts in September.

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

adeucalione he wasn't with us at the Open Day as it was during school hours. I think he would've liked what he saw, again it's about taking away something familiar from him. Although, having said that, he really is an adaptable child - it's always been about how we "sell" it to him.

I imagine if we get the offer and decide to go ahead, we will tell him that he would have been changing schools anyway after Y2, but if he changes now then he will be with his new friends all the way through school. He hasn't really formed any strong bonds with any of the children in his class yet so I'd like to think there wouldn't be heartwrench, but I am expecting it no matter how brief...

[Needmoresleep]

Looking back and having gone private all through, I dont think you need to worry too much at infants stage. At this point it really depends on the class teacher and her ability to create a constructive and sympathetic learning environment. It is about learning to read and write, and an awful lot: books at bedtime; trips to a petting farm etc, can be done at home.

At juniors this will change as prep schools gear up for 11+ and CE. They are not constrained by the National Curriculum and, in larger schools, set. So strong mathematicians are allowed to move ahead at a good pace and the less confident are well supported on the basics in small classes. Our experience was that these are the years when interest in learning and key learning habits are established. Kids in the private sector really can cover a lot of Latin, French and Science that is more normally introduced at secondary level. This gives them a real advantage, including confidence, when they move to senior school.

Certainly in London places open up regularly as families move out of town.

If there is any doubt that you will be able to afford it all the way through, I would wait till then and pay off as much of your mortgage now as you can. Mortgage rates will rise at some point over the next decade, and you would be better off building a financial cushion.

[adeucalione]

I just spotted your comment about being scared to tell him that he's moving schools - did he attend the Open Day with you? What did he think? IME independent schools are very good at putting on a great show, and I'd be very surprised if your DS didn't come away feeling like it was the best school ever. It was the Open Day that clinched it for all of mine!

[adeucalione]

I don't know many people who have grown up unhappy because their parents sent them to a private school, but if it didn't work out for him then there are several natural exit points, they don't force you to stay in the system for the next 13 years

I think it's far more likely that he, and you, will love it and never look back - I had the same concerns when I moved DD, but those doubts disappeared pretty quickly.

Regarding disruption - I would have thought that a move at the end of YR would be less disruptive than a move at the end of Y2, when he will be leaving an established friendship group and being asked to sit an entrance exam/interview.

If it helps, look ahead to Y2 - which decision are you most likely to regret?

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

Paddling, your message came last night literally as DH and I were discussing the same thing.

I'm so worried about doing the right thing for DS. We always said if we had an only child, we had two main responsibilities: to foster his friendships and to give him the best start in life.

I'm so scared that he'll look back when he's older and be unhappy that we sent him private. I don't want his personality to be crushed, and I just want him to be happy. I'm also scared that he'll be unhappy if we tell him he's moving schools. He's had so much disruption in his life (we've moved 3 times in the last 4 years). But I think this move would be the last for him for a long time.

On the other hand, I also don't want him to have a mediocre education at mediocre schools when I know we had the opportunity to send him somewhere better.

[Paddlinglikehell]

Oh and we did it all very quickly. Went back to state in the Sept. and we visited the new school a few days into term, moved a week later. It would have been sooner, but there was something going on in school she didn't want to miss,

It was bloody scary doing it so quick and I felt physically sick at upsetting her little world, but the thinking of it was worse than the doing!

[Paddlinglikehell]

We moved dd from state primary to indie, at the start of yr 2. If we had waited, I am not sure she would have passed the exam at year 3 and they did do a little extra work with her to bring her up to speed with the others.

Personally, I would say do it sooner rather than later, settling in did take time and it was a little hard for her to break into established friendships. What was good, is when the new Yr3's started, she was well established and not a new girl, which definitly helped

Our fess are not extortionate like some, around £9,000 a year, no extras apart from lunch and maybe a trip each term of around £10/15. I don't know why people say cost in all the extras, unless you do stuff like singing or music lessons there aren't any! Uniform is a cost, but her blazer still fits from yr2 (year 3 now) and there are uniform sales, which everyone goes to. However fees will go up through the school, so just check that out.

Personally, I cannot get over how different the school is. Her old school was outstanding, but wasn't, but I also work in another outstanding ( and it is) state school, but her indie is still streets ahead in so many ways and this was obvious from our first visit.

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

Thanks, gremlins - the more DH and I talk about it, the more I think we should just do it. It's just such a big decision to make in a day! I need to keep reminding myself that we were always going to do it anyway, we're just doing it earlier.

[Mumtogremlins]

OP, your situation sounds very like mine. Outstanding infant school but satisfactory junior school for which I've got nothing good to say! Also poor catchment secondary schools. I'm currently trying to decide whether to send oldest DS to private but I have other DCs so its a big decision.
You're probably nervous as it is a big financial decision but I would definitely send him now. Especially from what you say about getting him into the secondary school - that's the most important thing in the end

[QuintessentialOHara]

My son was the new boy in class at the beginning of Y2, and it is only now, at the end of Y3 that he starts feeling settled and is making friends. The group was very settled together after 2 years, and it took another new boy starting just before Christmas in Y3 for my son to get a friend.

I would move now, not wait.

[IndridCold]

Difficult to advise, but I do have some comments which I hope you may find useful.

We moved DS from local primary in year 3. He was a bit unsure at first and didn't want to leave his friends, but once he had been on a taster day all doubts completely vanished.

The year he started about half of the children came up from the pre-prep and half came from a range of local primaries, same as DS - so there was a good mix.

However, two years later the sister of one of DS's friends also started in year 3, but she was the only one who didn't come up from pre-prep. Although she is a sparky and outgoing child, and she also had a big brother in the school, this did make it much harder for her to settle in and make friends.

You may want to try and find out the percentage of children starting in year 3 who come from other schools. Obviously this can vary hugely from year to year, but if it likely that your DS will be one of only a few from outside the school then year 1 entry may be the better choice.

[moonbells]

From what I see as regards indie admissions, the earlier you can get in, the easier it is on all concerned (esp parental fingernails!)

Local prep to us that I looked round had 36 spaces at nursery, and six for YR (after two children went elsewhere). For those six places, ratio was 10:1. I think it was nearer 2:1 for nursery.

And if you have somewhere you can get from prep into senior without doing CE, go for it!

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

And the secondary is top 20 indie (top 10 last year). If at the feeder Prep, he would only need to pass one test in 4 years in order to be guaranteed entry to the secondary.

[SchoolsBloodySchools]

lljkk, without giving too much away, where we live at the moment is amazing (for DH's work) - much nicer than any areas we would need to move to.

[Bowlersarm]

Just about to go but only point i have to make is that I don't think changing schools and coming in at year 3 is a problem at all. In the prep school my DC's went/are going through there is a bit of movement in and out of all years but especially Y3. So if you want to save a couple of years school fees, I think it would be fine.

As an aside, it is still an easy age for you, as parents, to meet other parents at the school gate, and lots of opportunities at sports matches as well.

[lljkk]

The whole family benefits if you live somewhere nicer. Whereas the possible gain in private ed are mostly just for your son.

Is the "top secondary" state or indie, I didn't understand that. How selective is it, can you be so sure your DS will get in?

Can you afford the extras of a private school, this is a problem for some, right clothes, nice trips... compulsory lunches were an extra £15/week at a school DD looked at.

Fees in private sector go up faster than inflation, whereas your mortgage payments would go down in real terms.