EnormousTiger: then I am sorry if I've caused any offence but you seem to be missing the point- I don't think I've mentioned once about OFS being single-sex or not (my comments here were related to Aldenham changing to co-ed but maybe I've caused confusion).
And what has 'earning quite a bit of money' got to do with it? I didn't put my salary in order to show off; simply to show that success (at least financial success) doesn't have to come at the price of being in an uncomfortable situation which makes one feel inadequate, worthless and frankly less than human. My OH went to our local non-fee-paying school and while I'd never consider him 'academically' clever (mostly because he couldn't be arsed with subjects that didn't interest him- take him on a 4 hour walking tour of Berlin and spends the whole time sulking because you can't see the "actual" Hitler's bunker because it's been filled in and covered with a car park 🙈); he showed a talent and a passion from a very young age in music and has been able, through pure hard work and determination, to carve out a really good career for himself earning pretty much on par with me without the 30 grand a year private school education. The money is irrelevant but he understands, not just from me but from my school-friends he has met on many occasions, how special and supportive my school was and after much discussion and consideration, agrees that we should try the boys at Aldenham. Yes, we are in the financial position to do so but my original point was merely to illustrate that an unhappy child does not have to remain an unhappy child and can go on to achieve personal success in whatever form that is measured, be a good person (can't promise I am 100% of the time but I do try my best 😁) AND most importantly, be happy. No OFS was not right for me but I'm not saying it wasn't, isn't, or won't be for other children.
Of course we all want our children to be happy AND be good people and I am glad to hear you say so. At the end of the day, we all just want to make sure our children are in the best possible school to suit their abilities but most of all that they're content. Let's look at it like this: kids spend the same amount of time per week in school as adults do at work. If we, as adults, aren't happy in our jobs for whatever reason; what do we do about it? We look for something else. That is in our power. But for children, especially vulnerable children, sometimes it's too daunting for them to speak up and say they're not happy for fear of disappointing their parents or being seen as a pain. As I said originally- I am not looking to slag OFS off in ANY way and I really hope things have turned around there (and from what you've said EnormousTiger, it sounds like they have) but the point of my post was to help parents see that although on the outside their children may be happy (at whichever school they're at), sometimes they really might not be.
I just want to clarify that you say Aldenham does well for the children who cannot get into more academic schools. I believe Aldenham provides a well-rounded education for every child regardless of their abilities because publishing the list of which Russell Group universities their 6th form leavers managed to get in to isn't the most important factor in the education they provide. I remember after collecting my GCSE results from school on results day I met up with some friends in a nearby pub who attended another independent school (yes we were 16 but that pub in the vicinity happily served underage drinkers 😁) and was told by those friends that the Headmistress of their school went around congratulating all students who had achieved A*s and As but anybody with grades lower than that was ignored and probably made to feel a complete failure. I would HATE that to happen to my kids and if I can remember being told that story over 13 years later; I hate to think how those poor kids with their Bs and Cs must have felt.
What I failed to mention in my original post is that I took, and passed, the entrance exams for Harrow, Eton College and John Lyon and could've gone to any of those but Aldenham from the offset was where I thought I would be happiest. Thankfully I, and my family, made the right decision for ME. I'm not saying it was, or would be, right for every child. Moreover, I hope I am proof that just because one attends what might be considered a 'less academic' school does not mean one cannot flourish, excel and go on to achieve great things as well as happiness.
DeckTheHall: please feel free to drop me a line if you would like to discuss more (I don't know if mumsnet has direct messaging, but you can email me on ace (dot) orchard (at) gmail (dot) com if you wish. I'm more than happy to provide some guidance if I can. I can only speak from my own experience but you can read from another post above that they feel Aldenham still has very much the same ethos and I can say as I have dyspraxia that the support provided during my time at Aldenham was first rate. Like I said before, my 7 years there wasn't a complete bed of roses (but life isn't is it) but I look back on my time there with the fondest of memories, reminiscing on the good times as well as the bad, with my close friends I first met aged 11 and 13 and who I wouldn't be without now because my experiences and my friendships have played a massive part in the person I am today. Please feel free to get in contact if you like.
Merry Christmas and a happy 2017 to all!