I would love a baby

[crystalblue123]

Hi I'm a single 34 year old woman.. I have had mental health problems in the past but I'm on medication and doing well.. I was wondering what options are available for me if I wanted to have a child, I can't seem to find a man but I know I would love to be a mum and experience motherhood.. what should I do thanks

[PipsHip]

Do you have excellent family support nearby OP? People who will get stuck in multiple days per week? If not I'd seriously reconsider. Have you any friends who have single parented a baby from birth, with or without poor mental health? Could you ask them about their experience?

My babies were really easy babies. My husband is the best man in the world and bore at least half the parenting burden. My mental health is absolutely 100%. I still found it really really really hard.

I'm not saying don't do it. Just saying it would be good to talk to people who have done what you propose and what they'd recommend. If you don't know anyone maybe ask a question on here (use the parenting forum as I don't think donor conception is a very busy one).

I think this is a much bigger issue than the actual method of getting pregnant, which is reasonably straightforward if you can pay.

[kirstysmbc]

I'm a solo mum to a 2 year old and it's been an amazing journey. It's not always easy but I don't regret it. I would recommend the UK solo mums Facebook group. There are lots of mums and people thinking about becoming a solo mum, and there are people in the group who have dealt with mental health issues too. It's a great place to ask questions and speak to those who have been through something similar. Good luck with your decision

[Rosesanddaisies1]

Do you have a strong and reliable local support network? Family you could rely on to help you out with childcare etc? What's your financial situation, can you afford to pay for private fertility clinic to have insemination, take maternity leave, buy baby stuff, pay for childcare? I think you need to have a very serious consideration about the practical side, it's not fair to the child otherwise. And PS, I would say all this to couples considering a child as well.

[soscarlet]

Being a solo mum is wonderful, but very hard. I wouldn’t have believed anyone who told me how hard it was before I started, even if I had a time machine and could’ve told myself what it was like. However - I’m now pregnant with my second, so it’s not so hard that I don’t want to do it again.

You have to really really want it to make it work. In order to be happy you have to make the decision to have a child in this way as a positive thing, not as a last resort because you “can’t seem to find a man”. A baby born through use of a sperm donor is not a consolation prize for single women and you’re doing us all a huge disservice if you think of it like that.

[CadyEastman]

I can totally get the urge to have a child, I get it, I had the sane urge.

I did eventually have 2 DC. Have a DH who was hands on when they were babies and now they are teens bears the brunt of things like lifts. Plus he pays for most things.

I've also got a big family, lots of support nearby and a great network of friends but honestly my first nearly broke me.

If you can, spend some time with young DC either those of friends it family abc talk to their parents about what it's really like.

[crystalblue123]

Thanks for the advice everybody.. do you think I should go to my gp and ask to be put forward for fertility treatment

[kirstysmbc]

@crystalblue123

Thanks for the advice everybody.. do you think I should go to my gp and ask to be put forward for fertility treatment

You can always go and ask, but as a single woman it is very difficult to get any support from the NHS. You will most likely need to fund treatment privately, or have paid for several cycles of IUI before you are eligible. See if you can find your local eligibility rules online. You can self refer to a private clinic and don't need a GP to do this.

[Tripletmammy]

Hello 😊. I’m a 35 year old single woman who hasn’t met the right person yet and I didn’t want to miss out on my chance to become a mother either so I decided to go it alone through a donor.
I went through the London women’s clinic (there’s a few branches across the U.K.) but there was no financial support so I had to pay for the treatment myself.
I now have 16 week old triplets - we have twins in the family but not triplets so it was a HUGE shock and it is beyond hard at the moment with them. Thankfully I have a very supportive family who are helping out as much as they can alongside their own commitments but it is still so so hard.
If you do decide to go it alone, good luck but please make sure you put a lot of thought into it 😊

[CadyEastman]

Triplets on your own? I've really got to admire you, that must be exhausting!

[Tripletmammy]

@CadyEastman it is beyond exhausting. I only went to the clinic for 1 baby and ended up with 3! If you have any tips for babies that might help in these early days, I’m all ears!

[Supernova23]

@crystalblue123

Thanks for the advice everybody.. do you think I should go to my gp and ask to be put forward for fertility treatment

It doesn’t work like that. You won’t get funding as a single woman I think until you’ve had 6 rounds of IUI and I don’t know how many rounds of IVF. For each go of IUI you are looking at around £2000 for the insemination and sperm, so £12,000 if it took as long as 6 goes and you weren’t successful. It’s expensive.

[crystalblue123]

@Tripletmammy

Hello 😊. I’m a 35 year old single woman who hasn’t met the right person yet and I didn’t want to miss out on my chance to become a mother either so I decided to go it alone through a donor.
I went through the London women’s clinic (there’s a few branches across the U.K.) but there was no financial support so I had to pay for the treatment myself.
I now have 16 week old triplets - we have twins in the family but not triplets so it was a HUGE shock and it is beyond hard at the moment with them. Thankfully I have a very supportive family who are helping out as much as they can alongside their own commitments but it is still so so hard.
If you do decide to go it alone, good luck but please make sure you put a lot of thought into it 😊

If I go for IUI what are the requirements and are there any restrictions..

[Tripletmammy]

@crystalblue123

If I go for IUI what are the requirements and are there any restrictions..

I don’t remember there being any requirements or restrictions. I had to fill in a very lengthy questionnaire/doc regarding my health, family health (any known hereditary issues) etc. I then had an examination followed by a discussion with a dr with their recommendation for treatment. I hope this is helpful 😊

[Shouldgetupearlier]

I would only consider if you have family who could look after your baby full time if your mental health got worse. You don’t just ‘experience motherhood’ - it is a change of life forever. If you can’t cope you can’t easily give up your child without it having long term knock-on effects.

[soscarlet]

@crystalblue123

If I go for IUI what are the requirements and are there any restrictions..

All fertility clinics in the UK have a legal obligation to prioritise the welfare of any child resulting from treatment - this is regulated by the HFEA. So you will need to answer questions about your mental and physical health (along with other questions) because the clinic needs to ensure no child would come to harm. You will have to be honest about your mental health.

As others have mentioned, treatment is expensive and there is no NHS funding for single women. My GP practice refused to even do the basic blood tests required, I had to do everything privately.

Your best move would be to phone a couple of clinics and ask them to talk you through what’s involved and likely pricing scenarios.