Double donation - where to go?

[ConfusedKangaroo]

My partner and I have severe MF infertility issues and desperately want to start a family. We considered adoption and spent a lot of time looking into it but decided in the end we would prefer to go down a donor route. I am nearing 40 now and so we are planning to look into double donation or embryo adoption. While we could try with my eggs, I had my AMH levels tested last year and they weren't all that high, so it would potentially be more expensive, more invasive, and less successful (this is my understanding!).

I think our preference is double donation as there would be more information available on the donors and to find a 'match' (and there would be the possibility of genetic siblings). We are only right at the beginning of our journey though and I'm hoping to get some advice / stories from people who have been through the process with either double donation or embryo adoption.

I've been reading a lot on this board (and it has been so helpful!!) and will also look at getting advice from the Donor Conception Network. My main questions at the moment are:

• Where is the best place to get this done? We are considering Spain, Portugal, or Denmark. Spain sounds like it has the best clinics, but all donation is anonymous and I worry that the child may want to know more in the future; Portugal sounds like it isn't all that well set up for foreign patients, which could be stressful; and we know very little about Denmark (and it doesn't seem to be something that people have really posted about here?) Does anyone have any advice on the pros / cons of each of these locations? How important is an open donation to a child? (although, I appreciate every child is different!) We plan to be open with the child from the very beginning so it would never come as a big surprise at an older age.
• Does the clinic that does the procedure source the DS and DE? Or do we do this and have it sent over? How on earth do you choose DS and DE??
• If anyone has gone through with a double donation, what were the main challenges?
• With a double donation would it be better legally / for parental rights if we were married? We have been together for 11 years, but haven't got around to marriage.

Thank you so much for reading and any advice will be so appreciated!

[Persipan]

Hi there! I'm a solo mum to a double-donor-conceived child. Welcome!

So, my immediate thoughts for your situation are that, if money permitted, I'd probably have a try with own eggs first. AMH is essentially an indication of how you may respond to IVF meds, but it's still a bit of an unknown until you try, and I'd be tempted to do that before moving on to donor eggs. It's great that you're already open to double donor, though.

One question - what's caused you to discount the UK as a treatment location? (I'm assuming, here, that you're UK-based.) I do think there are some advantages to UK treatment - not least in terms of clarity over donors being identifiable when any child turns 18, which for me was important - so I'm curious why it's not on your list.

Best of luck to you as you navigate your options!

[uggmum]

My Friend went to Cyprus 2years who and used donor eggs.
She became pregnant on the first attempt and they had a DD.

They had 2 embryos left and went back last month for a second attempt. This has also been successful.

She is 48 and had 2 previous miscarriages before IVF. I am so thrilled for her.

The clinic was recommended by her local nhs hospital infertility consultant

[Sorrento79]

i am pregnant with a double donor embryo from a uk clinic (nurture). We chose the sperm from the European Sperm Bank, and just took the next egg donor willing to donate at that clinic. Our view was that whatever they may look like or say they are like etc, we know that they are really kind people and that is a great genetic legacy for a child. I couldn't imagine trying to cope with all the travel and logistics of doing all this abroad when we were 3 miles from a clinic here, but everyone has their own reasons.
very good luck to you

[Sorrento79]

Ps in the uk the HEFA regulations in place support your partner in their parental rights even if unmarried. The situation abroad will vary.

[ConfusedKangaroo]

thank you everyone for replying!

@Persipan congrats on your little one! We are UK based and I guess my thoughts around going with double donation straight away at an overseas clinic is that from what I’ve read (admittedly we are early days!) it seems a lot of people say they have several failed rounds at UK clinics and then success first time in (for example) Spain - I don’t think we could really cope with several failed attempts and so kind of just want to go for the highest chance of success straight away. My periods are getting shorter and lighter so I just don’t think there’s huge chance with my own eggs. I also think a double donation would make things feel a bit more “equal” (for want of a better word) for DP (it’s male factor infertility). Also from what we’ve read donation (particularly egg donation) is much less common in the UK.

@Sorrento79 congratulations on your pregnancy - that’s amazing! I need to look into it more, but the unmarried parental rights for double donation in the UK would mean it would be the same as if it was not a donor conceived child even if we separated? (Not that this is remotely on the cards, but I just want to make sure all bases are covered!!)

[Merrini]

In my experience the Spannish clinics are far ahead of the UK in terms of research, how they operate and one on one service.

[KayMag]

@uggmum Wonderful news that your friend had such amazing success!
I am looking at Cyprus currently, would you be able to tell me which clinic your friend went to? It's so hard to navigate all this, and recommendations would be so helpful.

Thank you!

[Sorrento79]

Yes that's right. Search HEFA pages to get clued up. Be careful of confirmation bias when reading about success in IVF. Plenty of people fail IVF in all nations, those who suceed are the ones who tell their tales the loudest.

[Sorrento79]

Hefa
Eg here

[ConfusedKangaroo]

@Sorrento79 thank you for the link! There's just so much to navigate and so much information to take in and get through when dealing with fertility (and – as I'm sure anyone on this board can relate to – it feels so unfair every time a friend or relative tells me that they've "just accidentally got pregnant" or "all we have to do is look at each other and we're pregnant" 😞). It's also good advice about confirmation bias... I just so want to have hope that this will work!

[ASGIRC]

Donation is open in Portugal, just FYI. After 18, the child can try to contact the donors!

I am currently pregnant using a donor embryo. Like you, I discarded using my eggs, after my AMH came back low-ish, my age, my carrier status of a genetic illness (which is manageable, but potencially debilitating), and limited funds to do repeat treatments, should I not be successful to start.

I used Ginemed, in Portugal, but I am Portuguese and was living here during the treatment (though I did the first, free consultation via video call, as I didnt live in the country at the time)
The clinics here provide the donors, they have their own banks.

[blacksnow]

Hi, I am so sorry you are going through this. To compare IVF clinics in Europe, I can recommend https://www.fertilityclinicsabroad.com/find-ivf-clinics/ with detailed profile with prices so that comparing will be easier for you. My friends emailed them with their requirements, and fertilityclinics team recommended 3 clinics that meet their criteria. What is more, their service is free. Hope this helps. Good luck

[JRTfan]

Hi I know this is an older thread but thought I'd share for anyone looking. I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with an adopted embryo from Reprofit in Czech Republic. We tried 2 IVF with own sperm and eggs then 3 x IUI and 3 x IVF with donor sperm, across 2 clinics in UK. All poor response and poor quality embryos. We did discuss double donor in this country but the cost was extremely high and waiting list was just too long.
It took 3 attempts (1 BFN, 1 MMC) with donor embryo but we are in no doubt that we made the right choice. The clinic were great and all was very easy my only regret is we didn't go down this route sooner. Yes the donors are anonymous but we have done a lot of research and soul searching and will be 100% open and honest with our child from the beginning.