Having a baby by myself

[loading24]

So I'm in my mid 20s and thinking about having a baby by myself. I'm a gay woman so having a baby would always lead me down a path of IVF/IUI anyway but love been thinking about whether I should do it by myself without a partner.

I own my home and will be mortgage free by the end of the year, I have a reliable car, a good career with an income of approximately £32k which will go up in September and again every year following that for the next 4 years. I own three very loving cats and have a fantastic support network of family and friends.

I'm not concerned about being able to afford the treatments due to savings but I'd like to hear from mum's who have gone on this journey by themselves and any advice they have.

I wouldn't be looking to begin until I'm fully qualified at work which would be sometime next year and of course I do not want to make a rash decision. There are many pros and cons I can think of regarding doing this without a partner but the main one being that I can provide a good, loving life for a baby.
I'd love to hear other's stories 😊

[ASGIRC]

I dont have experience yet, but I am about to do it.
Im older, but never found "prince charming", so decided to do it myself.
I wish I was mortgage free, as it would mean a lot more disposable income, butit will be fine!

If thats something you want, go for it! Also, youre fairly young, so you have some time to get life settled before hand!

[loading24]

@ASGIRC thanks for responding! Good luck with your journey 😊

[Namesnamesnames145]

i am in a similar position to you, tthough late 20s, lesbian, no partner.

I have never had much desire to have a partner, I tried went on two dates and decided no partner would be best. Then I got broody a couple years ago. I’m going down the SMBC route. Probably 2025 for me. There’s a very good Facebook group solo mothers by choice uk. Very helpful, lots of people who have done it, doing it and thinking about it.

[livingonpurpose]

I had my ds by myself (via IUI) when I was 33, after being single for a very long time. He's now 12 and I'm still single and have no desire to change that. Having my ds was the best decision and I've no regrets.

[loading24]

@Namesnamesnames145 thank you for recommending the Facebook group I've requested to join!

[loading24]

@livingonpurpose that's so lovely to hear - what was it like going through the pregnancy without a partner?

[livingonpurpose]

@loading24 Hmmm, well I’ve nothing to compare it to as I’ve never gone through pregnancy WITH a partner! Also I’d been single for a long time so always been very self sufficient and independent, so I’m sure that helped. But being pregnant was fine. I did NCT classes alone no bother and made friends with the other expectant mums. I hired a doula to be with me for the birth as I didn’t want any friends to see me like that (and I have no sister or mum).

Worst bits were when I was diagnosed with pre eclampsia and had several hospital stays close to my due date (nightmare trying to sort out last minute care for my dog and no one to discuss the situation with) and when my dad took me in to be induced I did get quite teary and scared at what was to come. But other than that I just got on with it!

[ohfook]

I have no experience of this but a close friend has done it. She's a fabulous mum and gives her child a lovely childhood.
I do know she's faced challenges, particularly during covid lockdowns, but she's considering doing it again so I'd guess on balance she thinks the positives outweigh the challenges.

[PrincessOfTigger]

I say go for it 😊 best decision I ever made

[dragonwind]

I'm going to go against the grain slightly here, but know that I'm not speaking without experience - I'm in my mid-30's and have had a lot of fertility treatment, so I know what it's like to really want a child.

You are so young at the moment, in your mid 20's. You have so much time.

It is better for a child to be raised by two parents (obviously provided that it is a functional, loving relationship). I'm not saying that it can't be done by a single person, or that it can't be done well. But generally, it will be better for everyone - especially the child - if there are two of you.

On your own, it will be harder for both you and your child. There is so much support that a partner can give you, and a second parent is a very important relationship for the child, too. Please don't underestimate that.

I know that people do it, and it can work really well. If you were older and had exhausted options of finding a partner to do this with then I'd be saying yes, of course, go for it.

But at your age, what's stopping you from spending another few years to see if you meet someone, then you could do it together? What is the rush to do it so soon?

In your position I would get some fertility checks done, just to make sure everything is OK, and then maybe give it 5 more years to see if you meet someone. Once you get into your 30's, if you are still single and certain you want to do this, that's a good time to start thinking about it.

Of course, it's your decision - but just please keep your potential child at the front and centre of your thoughts. Good luck whatever you decide.

[LewishamMumNow]

I've had three children by donor sperm as a single mum by choice (same donor). I find it strange that you are wanting to do this so young. Do you somehow know, whatever your sexuality, that a long term partner is probably not for you? My instinct would be live life a bit, and try and form relationships and come back to this in 8-10 years time. You are very young these days to be becoming a mum at all! If you are concerned about your fertility then get an AMH/"MOT" test about this. Seriously, why not wait a little longer? Must women taking this approach are getting to the end of the road a bit more! (I was 38, 39 and 41 when I had mine.)

[Lostmum1906]

I did this at 41 , through IUI and have a lovely dd 2 now.
I was single from 33-41 and still am. And i dont think the type of guy i want is out there. I wanted a second but it couldnt happen for various reasons and now im happy with just 1. i have great support with my mother and thats it.

I would say live a little and then do it. I dont do much anymore apart from working full time and being a mother. I had travelled extensively in my 30s and let my hair down. And got it out of my system.

Good luck