Embryo donation

[anthurium]

I hope someone has experience of this (in the UK)?

I have several embryos in the freezer following a successful IVF treatment in 2021. I'm not sure whether I'll be trying for a second child yet, but nonetheless I will still have a number of embryos remaining which I need to decide what to do with. I'm considering donating the remaining embryos but have not come across many discussions regarding this topic, or know anyone who has done this.

Has anyone done it? What was the process like? Did you have implications counseling? How do you feel about it today?

TIA!

[lucymills1234]

Hi @anthurium

I haven't got direct experience of this as I'm on the other side (I'm hoping to start donor treatment having had 9 failed transfers using my own eggs). I looked into being a donor embryo recipient and as you say it's very uncommon in the UK. I investigated this option with a Spanish clinic, but didn't go ahead as I wanted any child to be able to get donor information at 18.

It's an incredible thing that you're thinking of doing and for people like myself, would be an amazing gift. But there's obviously a huge amount to think about as the implications are life-long. My personal suggestion would be to make a decision whether you want to try for a second child first, because you don't know how many embryos you might need to use trying. Hopefully it'd be straightforward, but I can't imagine how it would feel to 'run out' of embryos for your own treatment because you'd donated them to someone else, however generous it is to do so.

It might be worth contacting the Donor Conception Network. I'm not sure whether they have resources for donors or if it's just recipients but they may be able to point you in the right direction. If your clinic offers any kind of donor programme they could be worth asking as well. And in answer to your question I think implications counselling would be essential. They can help you talk through your decision, how it might affect the wider family and any longer-term challenges (and benefits!) you might face.

Lots of luck with your investigations, it's an amazing thing to consider.

[anthurium]

@lucymills1234

Hi thank you for your response. This is a sensitive topic so I appreciate your input and reply.

I'm sorry to hear your journey has been really tough so far, it is just so random and indiscriminate...and I hope you have success with donor eggs.

Yes, I think implications counseling will be mandatory in this case as there are different considerations as oppose to when you're undergoing treatment as a recipient.

The DCN don't really appear to have much information on this, I will look into it more though so thank you.

Most of us are largely concerned with the treatment being successful and are less commonly in a position where there is 'surplus' of embryos; I certainly never imagined to be in this position so it's a completely different consideration, and I want to explore all options.

[ASGIRC]

Again, not able to shed much light, as I'm on the other side. I will be using donated embryos, so I think what you are thinking of doing is wonderful.

However, since you havent decided on whether to have another child or not, I'd say hold off on donating. You might need those embryos for yourself!!

[EdgeOfACoin]

I would think very carefully about the emotional impact on any child that came from such a conception.

Can you imagine being raised by non-biological parents, knowing that it was simply a twist of fate - another embryo being selected for implantation in your biological mother first - that meant you did not grow up with your biological parents?

Maybe it won't matter to the child. However, for a lot of children it might be a rather distressing thought.

[Goatbilly]

@EdgeOfACoin

I would think very carefully about the emotional impact on any child that came from such a conception.

Can you imagine being raised by non-biological parents, knowing that it was simply a twist of fate - another embryo being selected for implantation in your biological mother first - that meant you did not grow up with your biological parents?

Maybe it won't matter to the child. However, for a lot of children it might be a rather distressing thought.

It depends how the conception is discussed. Some families still choose not to be transparent about the nature of the child's conception which causes issues down the line.

So you only believe that children made in 'love' are worthy of being brought into this world?

[ASGIRC]

@EdgeOfACoin

I would think very carefully about the emotional impact on any child that came from such a conception.

Can you imagine being raised by non-biological parents, knowing that it was simply a twist of fate - another embryo being selected for implantation in your biological mother first - that meant you did not grow up with your biological parents?

Maybe it won't matter to the child. However, for a lot of children it might be a rather distressing thought.

That's really rather offensive to anyone who has ever adopted a child.

Or to any person who has been lovingly adopted and had a whole family when otherwise they would have had none.

Biological doesn't mean love. There is no biological connection. The connection comes from bonding.

A child conceived from a donated embryo would bond with the parents that carried and loved that child!

[EdgeOfACoin]

@ASGIRC

That's really rather offensive to anyone who has ever adopted a child.

Or to any person who has been lovingly adopted and had a whole family when otherwise they would have had none.

Biological doesn't mean love. There is no biological connection. The connection comes from bonding.

A child conceived from a donated embryo would bond with the parents that carried and loved that child!

There's a lot of understanding about the impact of adoption on adopted children. I think in future there will need to be similar understanding of donor-conceived children.

For example, here is the story of a girl born through embryo donation:
closeronline.co.uk/real-life/news/donor-ivf-baby-shockingly-reveals-wish-d-never-born-hate-knowing-came/

I'm not sure why cautioning someone to think about the potential impact on any child conceived in this manner is 'offensive'.

[NewNovember]

Hi I name changed for this thread. My newborn baby is the result of embryo adoption. We used a clinic in Spain and are so thankful for the couple who donated their unused embryo.

[NewNovember]

Had no counselling, the process was very simple ,a Skype call and only went abroad for the transfer. All blood tests and scans etc were arranged privately by myself in the UK.

[ASGIRC]

@EdgeOfACoin

There's a lot of understanding about the impact of adoption on adopted children. I think in future there will need to be similar understanding of donor-conceived children.

For example, here is the story of a girl born through embryo donation:
closeronline.co.uk/real-life/news/donor-ivf-baby-shockingly-reveals-wish-d-never-born-hate-knowing-came/

I'm not sure why cautioning someone to think about the potential impact on any child conceived in this manner is 'offensive'.

What you said, though, was "imagine not being raised by your biological parents".

And yes, I can imagine that. I know several people who have been adopted.

One of my best friends is black and was adopted by a white family. She has absolutely zero idea who her biological parents are (she was adopted from an orphanage) and while being the only black person in a very white area came with a set of struggles, she is happy and glad to have been adopted by her family.

Most clinics match your broad physical characteristics, though, so you are more likely to get a child that roughly looks like you.

Just like with any adoption, embryo adoption comes with a some issues that need to be addressed. But it is no different.

Would you be telling prospective adoptive parents the same thing?

[Tryingat47]

My concern in this case would be the future of the children. So you will have twins who would be born and raised in completely different families with different opportunities and life outcomes. As in the UK they have the right to find out about their origins once they are 18 chances are they will meet their twin/triple siblings. How would they feel then?

[ASGIRC]

Twins share a womb. Siblings are not twins. They will have other siblings out there, sure.
So clearly you are against adoption of all kinds, because that happens to any person who is adopted. They might also have siblings out there, and have different lives and opportunities.
And who knows, maybe the adopted ones are doing better.

[ilikehoney]

@EdgeOfACoin

I would think very carefully about the emotional impact on any child that came from such a conception.

Can you imagine being raised by non-biological parents, knowing that it was simply a twist of fate - another embryo being selected for implantation in your biological mother first - that meant you did not grow up with your biological parents?

Maybe it won't matter to the child. However, for a lot of children it might be a rather distressing thought.

What a weird idea, that a child would have a existential crisis because they were actually born rather than allowed to perish in a lab as they were excess embryo from their donor parents.

As a parent who used donor egg and our sperm to create our child in a UK clinic, we had extensive counselling and did much research and joined donor networks to read how kids do deal with this. The fact is Embryo adoption can only happen two ways- One adopts an unwanted embryo from an IVF cycle, or one creates an embryo from sperm and egg donor, either way it is an act of love bringing the gift of life to that child.

Scientists have shown women who use donor eggs still pass their own DNA to their child, as they develop the embryo into a child for 9 months in their womb!

The connection of being pregnant, feeling the first kick, childbirth, the blood, all of it, is exactly the same, when I look at my child, she feels 1000% mine and always will.

[Greenlee]

I am utterly astounded by some of these comments.

Every single one of us went to school with several kids who don't know who their biological father was (and will never know). Dozens who are being raised by a different man (and may or may not know, just like the "father" doesn't know). Another several kids raised by their grandparent or other relative. People adopted, either by someone of the same race or a totally different one. People living in foster homes. Kids with two dads, who obviously have a biological mother somewhere out there, whom they may or may not know. Families take all shapes and sizes these days and it's down to how it's discussed and handled by the parents, and at what age, that largely determines the kid's reaction to it all. There's always going to be one kid who flips their lid about even existing, and it doesn't necessarily require that your parents aren't your biological parents to have a moody or disenchanted child.

If you don't want a donated egg/embryo, don't have one. The rest of us won't mind in the least. I'm receiving my first donated embryo in January and you will never, ever understand the gratitude I have towards the couple who are giving me this incredible chance at motherhood. My child (if I'm lucky and it sticks) is going to grow up knowing that we all share 99% of our DNA with every person on the street anyway, and that they are loved, wanted, chosen and incredibly special, and that they're my most special gift.

[Overseas2024]

Hi
I am curious to know how many couples are aware that the Parental Responsibilty given to an unmarried couple is different to that of a married couple, If an overseas embryo egg and sperm is used.
we have found this out the difficult way.
baby was donated in Spain clinic but in error registered by both in a local registry office. It had now come to light that it should have been a single registration.
Of course the register office will take no blame and it is proving to be a very difficult task to correct it with a marginal note on it.
Ex partner given stents Responsibilty by default .
I believe there are many more incorrect birth certificates in the UK but I cannot find this information on the GOV websites in regard to IVF registrations.
I don’t mean to offend anybody as this is highly emotional subject but the certificate is a legal record of birth used for many historical reasons.
thank you