Partner totally shut down & left :(

[twinkle2525]

I'm completely LOST.
I met my partner 2 years ago.
It was a match made in heaven. He was a loving, helpful man, made loads of effort. We were literally best of friends. He was lovely to my kids (2 teens and a little boy) they loved him.
Obviously we live apart. I have my own house and he has his own (he has no children) but we planned to one day live together but didn't want to rush.

The past 6 months he has totally changed. He started becoming very snappy & disrespectful towards me. Name calling. Snappy. Creating problems. Became very jealous of the kids if I'm honest. I didn't stand for it, always put him right but I remember who he was when we met and I knew his job was stressful so gave him benefit of the doubt.....
obviously it got worse and worse so I started reacting to it negatively and snapping back because I was so hurt that someone so perfect and loving could turn into pretty much a monster. There was still glimpses of nice times but very distant.
He stopped making any effort of visiting me much and it was always me going to him when I didn't have the kids. It was always me cooking and making all the little efforts. He never wanted to go out or do anything. I kept racking my brains what I'd done to change him. Started hating myself.

I saw him 3 weeks ago. I went to his house in the evening. He put a film on of his choice and seemed very cold. I had to keep repeating myself for him to answer normal conversation.
I was falling asleep on the bed whilst he was watching his film and he said "you don't want dick then"?? I thought is this the man that loved me and I've spent 2 years with!??????
The next morning he told me how stupid I looked in my new slippers and by now I'd had enough of him.

I got my stuff together feeling used and horrible about myself in general. He had to go to work so I got my stuff together and he told me I'm a fucking sensitive idiot.
Since this, he's totally shut off. I tried to speak to him and I said look this is clearly dead now, you have no urge or desire for me and you treat me horribly. so I'm gonna get on with my life and he said "sorry you feel that way" "I wish you the best"

This is a very small clip of what's gone off but I feel absolutely dashed to the curb.
It's been a month since I saw him. I'm stuck thinking do I move on or do I stand by him in his bad time. He's lost his job and his cat died last week but I don't find that an excuse.
I've said some horrible things back to him but it's reactive abuse when he pushes and pushes me so so far. He'll push and push and be horrible then when I react he tells me how awful I am and pins it on me. Honestly I'm an empty shell I've totally lost myself I'm so lost the change in him is dramatic x

[FinallyHere]

Move on.

You don't owe him anything. Women are not required to fix broken men. The way he was at first was to lure you in. This is the real him. Get rid.

[Haggisfish3]

You move on-having a difficult time is no reason to be an abusive twat which is how he’s behaving.

[AmaryllisChorus]

OP, you haven't totally lost yourself. Try not to overdramatise to your own detriment. You've discovered a man you were seeing is not as lovely as he appeared at the outset. You were wise not to move in with him and wise not to put up with his poor behaviour. You sound very sane and strong with good barriers. It's always upsetting to split up with someone but far less upsetting than ensnaring your life with an abusive man. You've avoided that and should feel very proud of yourself once the shock is over.

[twinkle2525]

Thankyou everyone xx I'm just beating myself up for reacting and saying horrible things back as that's not the person I aim to be. I'm so loyal and I feel so bad moving on with my life but I know I need to break that cord as he clearly doesn't love me. He's told me he is grieving his cat and he's told me I wouldn't understand because I don't value animals ?? It's just constant digs xxx

[Desecratedcoconut]

So, he was nice for 18 months before he started in on you, and you hung about for six allowing him to be mean to you through some sense of duty to endure it because we was stressed?

So, it's ended, you've endure six months of shit, why you would extend that us beyond me. But, upside, you get to have a clean break and move on. You can take some time to explore why you put up with the shit you did so that you are robust enough to call it a day if you ever find yourself in a relationship that is radically failing you again.

But this is your get out of jail free pass. You aren't tethered to him financially, you don't have to sort out a different living situation, he hasn't been living in your home undermining the confidence and peaceful lives of your children (I think, from what you've written). Job done.