Hi
Very weird set up - my Ex lives with my parents. The relationship between my parents and I has completely broken down.
My ex and I have a court order where when he sees the children the maternal grandparents can join in his time and my parents have their own overnight once a fortnight if my ex is around or not. One condition is we do not talk in a derrogatory way about the other parties in front of the children.
About a fortnight ago my children told me two separate incidents where the grandparents have been derrogative about me to the kids. One of the incidents implied that my ex has been showing his personal messages from me to them (he and I have parental responsibility). I asked solicitor to write to him and my parents to not do this or better still not discuss me at all and asked my ex not to show his personal messages to anyone.
last night I had a text from DD to say she tried to explain she didn’t like something and was upset because rather than the grandparents listen to her feelings she’s had the response “you only think like that because your mum doesn’t like that”. I told ex and he’s dismissed my concerns and his daughters feelings saying “I think too much”. Hang on, this is derrogative because i have different values my opinion must be wrong and I’m being scapegoated and you are not listening to your child. Writing to the solicitors hasn’t sorted this out - what would you do?
In the past my family have said said things to imply I don’t love my children, that my cctv is to spy on them (literally cctv is there to keep them safe) etc.
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Divorce/separation
Co-parent not listening
Lugsugrvhhsgveh · 10/04/2024 08:39
Lugsugrvhhsgveh · 10/04/2024 10:29
Thank you - I also think that them talking about me will backfire. Then it will be my fault too that the kids don’t like them. Can’t win! It’s pretty annoying - don’t talk about me in front of the kids. Nothing hard about that!
My kids are 13,11 and 9. They didn’t have a say in the court case last year so I doubt they will ever be able to decide for herself. Dad is well-off and will involve courts if she doesn’t go.
You’ve misunderstood me - I don’t have cameras to spy. We have a doorbell camera and cctv on the garden just like most people. Rarely check the footage unless something happens usually it’s the police who ask us to check if people of interest walked past a certain time. My dad said, “how does it feel like to be spied at your house?” to my son. My dad was trying to make my son feel unsafe in his own home by insinuating that I spy on people when I use cctv for no other purposes than crime deterrent and as a doorbell to tell the delivery men where to leave my parcels when I’m out. When it was installed it did stop my parents coming and shouting and swearing at me in front of the kids and that’s probably the maternal grandparents’ main beef with it. I’ve dealt with the spying issue by watching Hunted and showing my son how commonplace cctv is!
TheFormidableMrsC · 10/04/2024 11:37
If he's well off, why is he living with your parents? My own experience is that they can say what they like to your children, they can make false and damaging accusations and nobody seems to do a thing about it. I would disengage completely and use an app such as MyFamilyWizard so you don't directly have any contact with them. I'm sorry your parents are treating you this way, they sound utterly vile!
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