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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

psychologist court order

36 replies

AdriftAbroad1 · 20/02/2024 20:50

Pleased about this as it means it is nearly over. H has refused to divorce me and has at the same time locked me and DD and all our posessions out. (ie has all our things)

Has been since prosecuted for DV. I filed for divorce. My priority is DD.

DD is 15. He has requested we have a meeting with court appointed psychologist (good!) but, what can I expect? Anyone know?
(Obvs he is saying I am crazy/alcoholic etc)

DD not seen him for three years and he has not tried to contact her.

20 year marriage.He wants me destitute. 20 years older than me. I am 50 with no pension.

Any advice so welcome. Layer is legal aid. Kind but I sense inexperienced with this sort of man.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 20/02/2024 21:16

bump.

Has anyone had to see a psychologist? It will be me and DD. (Not together)

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 20/02/2024 21:21

Sorry no advice but really feel for what you are going through. Glad that you got away from this absolute piece or shit husband and terrible father.

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 20/02/2024 21:22

Thank you!

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/02/2024 09:42

He has requested we have a meeting with court appointed psychologist (good!) but, what can I expect? Anyone know?
Why good? Is we you and him at the same time? Whats this supposed to achieve? I wouldn't be doing anything like this on stbxh suggestion. He suggested marriage counselling once, luckily he followed up straight away saying it was to fix me so I didn't even bother considering it. I know if he wanted me/us to see a psychologist it would just be another chance for him to say horrible things, make me cry and gaslight and blame me for everything.

greasypolemonkeyman · 21/02/2024 09:59

But WHY does he want a psychologist meeting? What is the end goal for him?

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 10:00

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness Thank you so much for replying.

It is court ordered by his lawyer. It was a ploy to delay the divorce. I am pleased as presumably the psychologist will see DD 15 wants to continue living with me. Also that things are finally on the move (this has taken years)

No, he will not be there. We will all be seen seperately, on different days. He has been arrested for domestic abuse. He wants to do this to prove DD can live with him and save money.

Absolutely, he is using it as a chance to say I am a madwoman. I am hoping I dont let myself down!

I just wondered (more for DDs sake)what to expect?

Again, thanks for replying.😃

OP posts:
Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 10:02

greasypolemonkeyman · 21/02/2024 09:59

But WHY does he want a psychologist meeting? What is the end goal for him?

Money!

He is a nasty and controlling individual who has contested the divorce while NOT wanting to be married to me one bit! I just wanted an amicable divorce.

Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
GoingDownLikeBHS · 21/02/2024 10:07

have you had advice on this from your own solicitor? I’d be worried that the psychologist might not be independent- I’d be requesting a court appointed one.

LiveOutLoudRose · 21/02/2024 10:11

Has the psychologist been appointed for the financial remedies? What is the psychologist being asked to opine on?

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 10:11

GoingDownLikeBHS · 21/02/2024 10:07

have you had advice on this from your own solicitor? I’d be worried that the psychologist might not be independent- I’d be requesting a court appointed one.

Thank you. Very good point. I will check that this afternoon. God,my blood just ran cold!

Thanks again.

It could be a psychologist they are simply paying. I honestly had not thought of it. Lawyer just sent me the appointment (at a domestic divorce/violence place) last night.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 10:14

LiveOutLoudRose · 21/02/2024 10:11

Has the psychologist been appointed for the financial remedies? What is the psychologist being asked to opine on?

That DD (almost 16) who has lived with me for the past 3 years and refused to see her father, should live with him at 18.

She is calmand clever and will come across very well. I amnow feeling less confident.

Thank you for replying.

OP posts:
LiveOutLoudRose · 21/02/2024 10:37

OP I am really confused by your response, a court can’t make an order where your child lives at 18 - so they wouldn’t be ordering a psychologist to determine that issue. In any event its an entirely factual issue you wouldn’t need a psychologist to opine on that.

Is this for his criminal prosecution for DV?

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 10:50

LiveOutLoudRose · 21/02/2024 10:37

OP I am really confused by your response, a court can’t make an order where your child lives at 18 - so they wouldn’t be ordering a psychologist to determine that issue. In any event its an entirely factual issue you wouldn’t need a psychologist to opine on that.

Is this for his criminal prosecution for DV?

He wants me homeless when she turns 18. Which is 2 months exactly before her exams for uni. He is saying IN TWO YEARS TIME(!) she can live with him. She dosent need me to house her (therefore him paying half bills)

This is why I was initially pleased that he had been so confident in insisting we all saw a court appointed psychologist.

Now I am worried.

DD 110% willnot live with him and he knows it. They have no relationship at all. No contact at all.

It sounds so off, because he is extremely off.

OP posts:
Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 11:01

Just had reply from lawyer. Psychologist is appointed by judge. Independent.

He has a lot of money at stake. It is far easier for him to just say I am mad/incapable/drug addict whatever and DD will live with him and should live with him.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2024 11:41

It’s confusing

divorce and split of assets will consider the housing needs of a minor

they won’t consider either if you as needing housing for an 18 year old ( doesn’t make it right but once considered adult they dont come into needs argument)

i also dont see why he should be paying half bills

millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2024 11:46

And the issue of housing a 16 year old I think is a red herring tbh

you have been married a long time
you are 50
if there a pension it will be split
if there is equity it will be split

you are due a share ( most likely 50% or possibly a bit more based on age and length of marriage) regardless of whether your dd lived with you or did chose to live with him now or in a year or whatever . Your needs are not materially impacted by your dd

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 12:16

@millymollymoomoo very grateful for your advice, thank you. I have read many of your replies to others on the boards and they have stood me in very good stead.

He is very abusive (emotionally and financially) and my main concern here is DD and her exams.
He is just delaying and delaying in any way he can. He is very wealthy and has hidden all assets. (I do not want his money, I just want a clean break and to move on, half house value - he is in it!, lump sum and no pension whatsoever) no idea why he is doing this. He has an expensive lawyer and me legal aid.

My lawyer this morning said I have nothing to worry about.

I really appreciate your opinion and all the others on this thread. It is very kind.
My main concern is DD and what questions she can expect? I have told her to just tell the truth (plus anything she hasnt felt able to tell me)

I cannot believe he is doing this over the most important schooling years. Luckily she is doing very well. (so far)

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 21/02/2024 12:45

Is he's trying to prove you're an unfit mother, but he doesn't want her now? I don't see how they could take any concerns seriously in that case. As for who she lives with at 18 she's legally an adult then, the court won't try and make an order for a 16 year old either. This is rather unusual. My first response would be that this is all irrelevant given her age. Has you lawyer even tried to point this out to the judge? Has this actually been court orderd or is X seeking that from the court? If the later I wouldn't be agreeing. Its a stall or him being controlling/nasty.

I haven't dealt with psychologists in this context. Where I live they use forensic psychologists for family court matters. I did talk to my DCs clinical psychologist in case we ended up in court, as i was worried about impact on DC having to speak to an unknown psychologist. She can't give her view on custody in court she'd be considered biased. She said it's quite different from therapy, they usually have a lot of experience drawing things out gently. There shouldn't be any pressure, or cross examining type behaviour from the Psychologist. They have to be careful not to ask leading questions. My first response though if X is seeking you're agreement to the court appointing someone would be a no, because she's 15. Courts don't usually make orders for teens this age.

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 13:04

@EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness Many thanks, that is very helpful.
I am going to speak to lawyer again. It is definitely court ordered. No idea why. (ie I am a good mother! I think) Agree, so odd at 18 he wants her but from 13 not. Yet, I am not a good mother? At 18 he doesnt want me housed, I think thats the issue. (He owns 2 small flats of which I am in one with DD)

Sadly for him, I think it is all to with money and I think his lawyers are trying to get as much as possible/string it along.

There is some sort of cunning plan.

I was under theimpression that a 16 year old could say she wanted to live with whoever she wanted. We have plenty of evidence against him, but really, really did not want to do this.

Anything, frankly, to get it done. I am exhausted and not feeling good. If this wrecks DDs future at this point, well...disasterous

OP posts:
Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 13:08

She will be turning 16 a month after seeing psychologist.

I think it is to frighten us and to intimidate us and possibly to make DD doubt me and feel insecure. It is dreadful.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 21/02/2024 16:34

Just reassure your daughter she should tell the thruth

no court will either I) make her live with him now or 2) do so when she is 18

and as stated, it’s kind of a moot point to a large degree as you’re due a fair share of all assets regardless. He sounds like a bully and wants you to acquiesce

you sound like a strong woman, so keep fighting for what is rightfully yours, because that will stand your daughter in good stead !

Original poster
AdriftAbroad1 · 21/02/2024 17:14

Thankyou so much!

OP posts:
izzygirlis4 · 21/02/2024 17:29

None of this makes any sense. Are you in the UK?
Are these children proceedings or financial proceedings.
If it's children and she's nearly 16 I can't imagine for a second the court would agree to a psychologist being appointed. And the court doesn't appoint them. The parties agree someone and the court agrees to it if necessary. Are you talking about cafcass ?

If it's finances why on earth do you need one. Is he alleging conduct against you ?

LittleOwl153 · 21/02/2024 17:42

I'd be ringing the court to check out this psychologist as it sounds dodgy to me. He has so much more to gain from this than you do given what you've asked for. Don't go into it blind. You could also ring the place that's set up and ask them who organised it and whether it's court ordered. They will k ow if court appointed because of the reports required.

I'd be actually turning this on him ... a 20yr marriage - you want more than half the house you need a place to live and a decent chunk of pension and a uni set up for dd as he clearly doesn't care enough to provide for her either.

NYC2018 · 21/02/2024 17:44

Has the court appointed this psychologist independently?

If not, has your ex asked the courts permission to instruct a psychologist? He can't just do it of his own initiative during court proceedings.