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Supporting children at University after divorce

96 replies

brambee · 21/02/2019 10:59

I am after some opinions here. My DD is due to start university in September 2019. The full maintenance loan would be £11 672 (London, not living at home). However, due to her father's salary (over £280 000, yes, over 1/4 million) she will only get a basic rate of £5654. He has refused to top up the loan. He has said I need to pay the amount because I get a combined spousal maintenance/child element for the next 6 years due to the disparity in our income. My income is under £30 000 and I work full time. If I top up her loan that would use all of the extra money. My solicitor clearly said that the money was to support my DC when home from uni and give them a similar lifestyle to the one at their father's. (I also have an older DS at uni, XH does not top up his loan either but luckily DS managed to find a part time job and I help him out as much as possible.)
I cannot believe he will not support his children. I am so angry about this. I feel as if he is making the children's lives a misery to get at me. AIBU?

OP posts:
MissedTheBoatAgain · 23/02/2019 11:46

The student loan system is a scam. Fees went from £3500 to £9000 almost overnight. Some vice chancellors earn massively more than the prime minister! 6% too high as well.

Imagine in many cases the loans are not fully repaid and written off. So the cost is effectively borne by the taxpayers

titchy · 23/02/2019 12:07

Imagine in many cases the loans are not fully repaid and written off. So the cost is effectively borne by the taxpayers

As opposed to the previous system of government funding universities, so the cost is effectively borne by the tax payer....

MissedTheBoatAgain · 24/02/2019 04:55

exactly so what is the benefit of the new system?

TearingUpMyHeart · 24/02/2019 07:33

Did anyone say there was a benefit?

It means more people can go to uni. In the past, numbers were restricted. It's created a lot of jobs in the uni sector, and given vice chancellors salaries of half a million. So there are definitely some winners.

NotBeingRobbed · 24/02/2019 08:38

Yes lots of youngsters are spending three years or more studying and racking up massive debts while many of the degrees are not worth the paper they are written on! Vice chancellors who might not have had much of a career in industry are getting massive salaries. Our children are lumbered with massive debts weighing them down for the rest of their lives in a climate of sky-high house prices! Everyone has to have a degree now for careers where in the past an occupational or technical qualification was enough. All students, regardless of parental income, used to get tuition fees paid by the state and now none of them do. I’m not sure I see the benefit.

flissfloss65 · 24/02/2019 08:51

The loan is solely based on YOUR income alone. You only put down your wage.

Council tax, students do not pay this. You should be down as a single occupant until dc leave university.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/02/2019 01:16

All students, regardless of parental income, used to get tuition fees paid by the state and now none of them do

That was the days when there were far less people going to University. Between 1984 and 2009 the number of people attending University has quadrupled. That has two possible explanations:

Either the UK IQ has rocketed;


Standards have dropped.

According to a friend who has worked at lecturer most of his life it is the latter.

Just a way of artificially reducing the unemployment figures.

Many students leave with huge debts and end up doing jobs they could have done had they left school at 16.

BrizzleMint · 25/02/2019 01:40

If the father doesn't live with you it's irrelevant as the forms ask for household income and he's not part of your household.

m0vinf0rward · 25/02/2019 08:26

The money he pays you us for the children NOT you. If you feel you need more money get out there and get a better job. Stop behaving like the world owes you a living, it's up to you as an adult to make your own security. As for you daughter, maybe she should get loans to cover the shortfall, if her education will make her a higher salary then she should invest in her future herself.

NotBeingRobbed · 25/02/2019 09:10

This is where I disagree. I saved to help the kids at uni because costs are so high and besides they cannot borrow enough to cover all their costs. In the long term this will mean they will have less debt and so can borrow more for a mortgage. However, my ex, who saved nothing is now taking half those savings. He doesn’t live with us but they are still his children and these days very few are completely financially independent at 18.

I am fortunate that my household income is reasonable without him. But that also means that the loan doesn’t cover all living costs at uni and there is a shortfall - which parents usually make up with a contribution. In this case just one parent is making that up - me. DS made his loan application before his dad then pushed off. In future he could borrow a bit more (as household income has fallen) and will be saddled with more debt because his dad decided it was more important for him to shirk his parental responsibility.

TearingUpMyHeart · 25/02/2019 09:25

Sorry to hear that, NotBeingRobbed. It's very hard balancing it all. Most of my money is in the kids names, so that part was okay, but it then reduces their access to means tested bursaries etc. These dads who just shirk their responsibilities are awful.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/02/2019 09:25

Student Loans do not affect credit score. Look on the link

However, my ex, who saved nothing is now taking half those savings

My ex saved nothing (could not as did not work), but got more than half of assets. So why NBR thinks they are hard done by is a mystery?

TearingUpMyHeart · 25/02/2019 09:30

They affect the amount you can borrow for a mortgage though

NotBeingRobbed · 25/02/2019 09:54

Yes, they will have less income because they are paying back the loan! I am hoping my kids will earn enough to pay it back in 30yrs.

To work as the main breadwinner and nearly do all the “wife work” as a mum is harder than being a dad with a SAHM doing that stuff for him. In the end @MissedTheBoatAgain that’s the crux of my argument. How many sleepless nights did you endure while working? How many nappies did you change, how many trips did you make to the orthodontist, how man homework projects did you help with or cakes baked for the school fete etc etc etc. I did all that while also working and earning more.

My ex could have set up his own savings account, ISA etc but didn’t!

madcatladyforever · 25/02/2019 09:59

Is there any way she could get a part time job. I worked my way through all three years of uni to pay my mortgage as an older person. It is doable and I still got a 2:1. I worked full time in all the holidays too. It doesn't sound like you are going to get anywhere with your ex tbh however unfair.

SkinnyPete · 25/02/2019 10:07

You've been receiving maintenance as the resident parent. That's supposed to incorporate contributions for present and future children's needs and it's up to you to budget for that.

Feels like you've stitched up XH's relationship by setting your DH's expectations that he should contribute more.

Sorry if that's harsh and is only IMHO.

TearingUpMyHeart · 25/02/2019 10:10

Yes, a man on 280k shouldn't expect to fund his kids through uni Angry what were you thinking, op? Now it's your fault his kids think he's a tight arse.


NeverSayFreelance · 25/02/2019 10:16

A number of things from personal experience - although I'm from Scotland.

  1. I'm a student
  2. My parents have been divorced for 10 years
  3. My father and his partners income was never declared on my student loan application since I haven't lived with my dad since I was 14
  4. I get the full loan because my mum's income is stupidly low
  5. We had a barmy with the student loan folk at first because they asked for proof of single occupancy to show my mum is a single parent despite the fact I started uni at 19 and had a full time job previously so I was listed as an occupant. Had to call them up and explain that but they relented since I would go back to not being an occupant once I was a student.

Go back to the student loans people. None of this adds up.
MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/02/2019 10:46


Till child was 4 years old he lived in his mothers native country. At the time maids could be had for £1 per day. So she had 2 maids. One for cooking and cleaning. The other for looking after the child. So number of times ex changed a nappy can be counted on one hand.

Help with homework is done with myself by Skype as even after 10 years in UK Ex struggles with English and wouldn’t know where to start with science subjects.

That you allowed your partner to be a freeloading layabout for 22 years was your own decision. It took me only a short time to realise that my ex had no intention of working or even training after she had moved to the UK. As soon as stepdaughter qualified for UK citizenship I was at the solicitors office the next morning.

N = Nonsense
B = Bleated
R = Regularly

NotBeingRobbed · 25/02/2019 11:18

@MissedTheBoatAgain so you exploited cheap labour in a poorer country then engineered to fleece the U.K. taxpayer with a spurious passport application for your stepdaughter! Nice man. I wonder why you didn’t go for that immediate annulment??

MiniMum97 · 25/02/2019 11:29

Uni support is calculated on the resident parent's income only. You might want to look at it again.

pallisers · 25/02/2019 13:46

You've been receiving maintenance as the resident parent. That's supposed to incorporate contributions for present and future children's needs and it's up to you to budget for that.

are you seriously suggesting that maintenance includes a provision for "saving for university". What convolutions people go through to make sure whatever the issue is, it is the woman's fault.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/02/2019 14:43


What was spurious about passport application? At the time once someone had resided in the UK for 5 years they could apply for citizenship.

NotBeingRobbed · 25/02/2019 15:03

I think we’re getting far off the OP’s topic here!

SkinnyPete · 25/02/2019 17:32


What's women got to do with it? This is resident vs non resident parent, not man vs woman.

The resident parent has day today responsibility for the children and how things are budgeted, and live within the means of their own income plus any maintenence received.

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