No right to collect my belongings

[Pinkroses1]

I’ve been having a very stressful time recently, I’m 35 weeks pregnant and I’m splitting up with baby’s father. I’m moving back in with my parents and wanted to collect my belongings from his parents house because that’s where we lived. I have all of my stuff there and babies.
We let them know that we were coming to get my stuff and turned up at their door but they said we couldn’t come in to pick it up and our families started to argue.
I went upstairs to sort my stuff out and then I called the police because they wouldn’t stop screaming at each other.
When the police came I explained everything and my ex FIL said is there proof that stuff is all hers where’s the receipt? What a CF! You can clearly see that stuff is mine!
So the police told me I have no right to go upstairs to get my stuff. They told me I need to make an appointment with a police officer to stand here for 20 mins with me while they bring down only my stuff not babies?
I don’t have much time to buy any of the baby stuff I had everything there and it’s their choice if they want to give it to me or not although I paid for most of the stuff ! I’m so angry. Don’t know what to do and don’t want to go to that house again but I literally have nothing to wear and all of my stuff is there I’m so stressed where’s my rights?? I’m heavily pregnant and nobody seems to care about me

[CantStopMeNow]

On our wedding day I was gifted some jewelry as it’s part of our tradition, they gave most of it as because that’s what the boys side do..... the point of this is so if anything happens I have something to fall back on if I wanted to sell it in the future. It’s completely up to me what I do with it

I know what tradition you're talking about....and it sounds like you either don't understand how that part of the system actually works or you've just decided you don't want to give their jewelry back.

From my cultural understanding, the terms of the 'dowry' the groom and his family paid you should have been explained to you as part of the marriage contract.
The stuff is yours for the duration of the marriage to do with as you please - bar one condition.
That condition is - if YOU end the marriage then you are duty bound to return the jewelry/money 'dowry they gave you.
If HE left you then you would be entitled to keep it.

So as you've chosen to leave the marriage, you should be returning the jewelry they gave you.
So they are not actually wrong for asking for it back.

You've been given your option by the police so i don't get why you haven't already tried arranging that?

[paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking]

As angry as I would be, I would arrange 20 minutes with police, get whatever you can. Then that's it. Replace what you need to. Time is not really an issue you can shop online before and after the baby is born. They actually need very little.

The principle of keeping your baby things is of course absolutely outrageous but a few things over the actual baby is really neither here or there. Agree, no further contact.

[Pinkroses1]

Thank you for all your comments it’s been really helpful, I’m getting so tired and out of breath now with the pregnancy and have so much going on.
Ex is telling me he’s going to try to give back the important stuff I need atm like the newborn baby things and my stuff. It would really take a long time trying to prove what’s been bought by who :(
I want to cut all contact with ex but I’m just trying to get as much as I can from him now. Because I can’t take any baby things without his consent
I’m really stressing atm because I don’t have any baby clothes/blankets etc yet but I’m going to buy some just Incase I don’t get my things in time.
If I see his parents still aren’t giving my things I will definitely be going with the police to collect my things.

I think I will visit citizens advice to see what they say too.

[Jon65]

Legally the police, once again, are wrong.

[llangennith]

This is not the fault of the police. They have told you your options. The reason you haven't got your stuff is because your ex and his parents refuse to give it to you. They are the ones to blame.
Arrange your 20 mins with the police and get as much stuff as you're allowed out of their house. Then move on.
Cut all contact with your ex and his family
Do not put his name on the birth certificate.

[7yo7yo]

And don’t put EXs name on birth certificate.
Tell him nothing.
Don’t tell him when your in labour.
Don’t expect anything good from these people.

[7yo7yo]

*cots

[7yo7yo]

Tell them they can have their jewellery back once you get your stuff.
Also, if it’s a cultural thing tell them you will “shame” them on social media.
Alternatively make an appointment with the police.
Get proof from people who’ve bought you stuff and collect it.
Surely you’ve got proof of purchase for things like Prams costs etc!

[Jon65]

The property belongs to you. A solicitor's letter will point out that you are entitled to your belongings and that if you need to issue court proceedings the likelihood is they will have a costs order against them. In other words they will be paying for it.

[Pinkroses1]

On our wedding day I was gifted some jewelry as it’s part of our tradition, they gave most of it as because that’s what the boys side do.
I had some given by them and my family but the point of this is so if anything happens I have something to fall back on if I wanted to sell it in the future. It’s completely up to me what I do with it.
They’re demanding back the jewelry they bought me so that’s why they don’t want to give my things. But in our culture that belongs to the woman and especially if she has children because that’s literally all I have.
I’m not the one that’s done wrong it’s my ex so I don’t understand how they can demand back what they have to me!
They don’t even need it they’re millionaires!
They just want to punish me.

What will the solicitors say about this?

[Aprilshowersarecomingsoon]

Do not accept your ex is being controlled by his dps. He is going to be a df soon. He needs to bloody grow a pair. See a solicitor. The have stolen your belongings!! At your age your name isn't gonna be written in your bloody clothes but they are still yours!

[Pinkroses1]

I am still in contact with him because I’m still trying to get my things.
I explained to the police I’m the babies mother the baby is staying with me for a long time because I am planning to BF and she didn’t even care
Yesterday he bought a couple bits and my hospital bag but nothing of the babies stuff yet which is most important!
I still have so much stuff he can’t be sneaking it to me one by one I don’t have time for that.
He’s telling me that his parents are controlling him and aren’t letting him give my things back which is nasty because they didn’t buy one item for the baby it was all what me and my mum and ex bought.
They have no right to not allow me to take my things. Ex is too scared to stand up to his parents and give my things
It’s all the polices fault they said it’s up to them if they want to give the baby stuff which is WRONG cos I bought them! I just can’t prove it. I just think it’s pure evil. Why would they want useful things to go to waste? Soo stupid I’m fuming.

@jon65 What can the solicitor’s do?

[Jon65]

It might be helpful for a solicitors letter to be sent explaining the law to them.

[TwoRoundabouts]

Are you still communicating with your ex? Do you plan on entirely breastfeeding?

If so, explain politely to him that he won't be allowed to have solo care of your child until they are 6 months old due to you being their sole food source. Also explain that as his parents will not be the child's parent but grandparent there is no legal provision for them to maintain direct contact with the child. In other words if you give him parental responsibility or he goes to court to get it, which is easy for him to do, then his parents won't be seeing the baby for 6 months due to their poor relationship with you so the stuff his parents have is useless.

Ask that if you arrange for a friend or acquaintance alone to meet him alone at a neutral
public place e.g. cafe at a mutually agreed time without you or any of your relations present that he will hand all the baby stuff over. You then wait until he is well gone e.g. 20 minutes minimum before meeting the person to get the stuff.

[BringMeAGinAndTonic]

Sorry you're going through this. The in-laws are not keeping a level-head here in terms of you and your needs and being pregnant. Nor are they considering you need stuff for your upcoming baby. How rude of them and nasty. It's like they're playing keepaway with the belongings to feel better and to get back at you. How childish.

Can you shop online? Put a few essentials in your cart here and there just to get by? I tend to shop online because costs can be cheaper and it's just so much easier and saves time. Plus you can read reviews, which is helpful.

Was it a mutual breakup?

[Birdie6]

So sorry you have to deal with this, you poor thing. Sending hugs to you.

Collect your own things with the police officer, and leave the baby things. You'll be fine - babies need very little besides some nappies and a few grow suits. Look after yourself, that's the most important thing at the moment.

[AngelaStorm73]

I mean pram, cot, clothes, nappies, wipes, bottles etc. Not a food parcel in case that was confusing! Xx

[AngelaStorm73]

@Pinkroses1

Ring your midwife. They have access to charities, such as baby bank and food bank. They should be able to help you with everything you need. Then if and when you get those things back then you can donate the stuff you no longer need to someone who does. I know it won't be brand new (although some of it might be).
I know this must be breaking your heart and they sound very nasty, but you need to be strong now for baby. Have a cry, scream if you need to, then speak to your midwife.
Good luck xx

[Pinkroses1]

I don’t think I can prove that I bought anything I never keep receipts and a lot of the stuff we’re gifted to me when I got married my family.
Most of the baby stuff I bought and my mum gave to me as a gift ex also paid for some.
The thing is I can afford to buy new stuff but I don’t have much time and some stuff we’re hand made by my aunties so they’re really special to me. I just want my belongings but they’re making my life difficult :(
I don’t understand how anybody can want to stress out a pregnant woman so much I even had all of my hospital stuff ready there I bought everything specifically I wouldn’t have the enegery to go out and get all these stuff again! :(

[AngelaStorm73]

Is there a baby bank in your area?

[AngelaStorm73]

Get what you can with the police (your stuff)
Then get some legal advice about whether you can take them to small claims court
Do you have none of the receipts? Was anything bought online or with a card? Those payments may be traceable.

If they are being utter bastards though, it may be a good idea to find other avenues to get some emergency stuff for baby. Look at second hand, on facebook selling pages, ask your local food bank or Salvation Army. Any friends or relatives with stuff they are no longer using? I know it's not ideal, but better to have something for baby than nothing. Good luck xx