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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

How do I get him to leave? And how do we do exist in meantime?

55 replies

limon · 26/05/2018 16:49

"D"h has decoded to separate from me.

But he doesn't know when he will be leaving.

It's only been a week. But I'm not sure I can live like this in limbo.

What are my options?

OP posts:

Report

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 12:50

Being lazy and not financially contributing is not abusing, its not choosing your partner properly. You could suggest counselling. There is relate website or you could find one privately.

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 12:52

Also who looks after your child while you work full time? If he works 2 days a week is he not actually saving you on paying childcare then?!

Sametimetomorrow · 27/05/2018 12:54

So what’s his plan then? I’m sure he has thought of one before telling you it’s over.

MsGameandWatching · 27/05/2018 12:56

Being lazy and not financially contributing is not abusing

It is actually.

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 13:01

msgame where in your link does it say not helping with house chores or financially contributing?

RussianBluee · 27/05/2018 13:06

Abuse is horrific and serious flinging it about casually like saying im depressed or ocd when you dont have either is so insulting to actual survivors of actual abuse.

limon · 27/05/2018 13:08

He's saving about £21 a week on childcare. I pay for after school club on the two days he works. I also pay his fuel to get to work. And all household bills.

I made a choice of a partner I thought would contribute and take full part in family life. He has changed.

OP posts:

limon · 27/05/2018 13:10

I've asked a specific question here in nor in the frame of mind to be thinking about the bigger stuff yet.

I have no privacy and no space. Yet he doesn't seem to have any plan to allow me to move on from his decision to end the marriage

OP posts:

gamerchick · 27/05/2018 13:10

You need legal advice OP. See a solicitor as soon as you can.

In the meantime stop bankrolling him and stop treating him as part of the household. He ended it he can deal with what that looks like.

limon · 27/05/2018 13:11

"Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; taking money from your purse without asking; refusing to help with childcare or housework."

OP posts:

gamerchick · 27/05/2018 13:13

You can buy little money bags you wear around your waist under your clothes. They're about a fiver in superdrug. They're for going away on holiday and protecting your money and cards. It will stop him going into your purse.

MsGameandWatching · 27/05/2018 13:18

Indeed, that was the paragraph I was linking to Limon

You seem to have an agenda here Russian. Why don't you take it elsewhere and stop trying to convince OP that she is just going to have to put up with her shit husband indefinitely.

limon · 27/05/2018 15:14

I am just utterly devastated, exhausted and scared.

Having to live in the same house and keep working and keep it together for my daughter is the hardest thing ever.

OP posts:

limon · 27/05/2018 15:15

And living so far away from friends and family . I don't have anyone to talk to when I am feeling so down.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 27/05/2018 15:31

Could you maybe start the road of trying to move back close to family? I appreciate it's not simple moving jobs/schools/selling house etc but moving from underneath him may be the only way to get rid of him. He can't move with you.

gamerchick · 27/05/2018 15:33

Or have someone to come and visit. Make a houseful of support for the minute. Upset his cosy apple cart a bit.

limon · 27/05/2018 15:48

gamerchick no I can't move. I can't disrupt her schooling and friends and I wouldn't move her away from her dad. Despite it all he is her dad and he is a good dad.

My mum is 70 and wouldn't want to come to stay (we see her once a week) and my sister has a young son so not in a position to.

OP posts:

limon · 27/05/2018 15:49

Plus if I moved closer to family of have a much longer commute.

OP posts:

Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/05/2018 17:51

Sorry but doesn't sound like you can legally kick him out, its his house to. See a solicitor, start divorce proceedings and either buy him out or sell the house and split the proceeds.

limon · 27/05/2018 19:02

Well all of that remains to be seen in time.

I won't be staying on my current role as a single parent and will probably seek maintenance from him as I don't intend for me or my daughter to lose our home .

OP posts:

larrygrylls · 27/05/2018 19:10

I don’t think that you can make him leave. Eventually as part of the divorce process, one of you will buy the other out or you will have to sell the house.

It is an awful position to be in and, as a decent human being, he should at least temporarily move out.

MrsBertBibby · 27/05/2018 19:16

OP are you in England /Wales?

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limon · 27/05/2018 19:24

No. That won't have to happen.

People strike deals all the time.

If we can be decent about splitting assets I will retain the house and he will retain his hobby equipment and the decent car. He knows neither of us can remortgage and he also knows that I can pay current mortgage and I bought the house by paying a deposit which was from my inheritance.

I don't think he's going to take me and my daughter's home from us, I really dont.

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limon · 27/05/2018 19:24

I understand theblate but inalso understand the moral position.

OP posts:

limon · 27/05/2018 19:25

Whoops!

I understand the law but I also understand the moral position.

OP posts:

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