Child Maintenance - online calculator v CMS calculator

[littleacceb]

Hi, all. I'm wondering if anyone has any experience with the .gov.uk child maintenance calculator differing significantly from the actual amount dictated by the CMS, and the factors that might cause this.

My ex-husband is refusing to pay the maintenance amount given out by the calculator. I get that it's because it's rather a lot and he'd rather have the money for himself, but he seems fixated on an amount £200 less each month, which he believes is correct because of "travel time", as he moved 40 minutes away from the family home and the children's school.

He is also applying through court for 50/50 time during the holidays, but as this will keep the average over the course of the year firmly in the 2-3 days a week range, that shouldn't come under the definition of "shared care" and therefore stop payments, should it?

I suppose I just want to be prepared for the worst case scenario.

Thanks in anticipation. x

[Clueing4looks]

@infragilis just out of curiosity do you pay half of childcare as well? On top of the necessities?

My (self employed) ex pays £268ish per month for 2 children. He pays for swimming lessons too on top of that. And expects to be applauded.

My childcare bill alone is just under £1200 per month. Plus add on extra cost of heating, electricity, food, clothes, nappies, washing, petrol to get them from a to b, lost wages when one of them is ill and I have to take the day off as nursery won’t take them, and plenty more. Yet I got a sarcastic ‘new boots?’ When I took the kids to his last weekend. Yes, because your paltry contribution is funding my lifestyle. Don’t make me laugh.

I’ve never stopped access, would be happy for him to have them extra as would take some of the pressure off, but he can’t because ‘he works’ so do I.

So no, children shouldn’t be pay per view but child maintenance should reflect on how much it actually costs to raise a child.

[Clueing4looks]

Forgot to add my rent is £1100 per month too. I’d love to move out of London to somewhere cheaper. But I’m ‘not allowed’ (he said he’d go to court to stop me) as that would be taking the kids away from their dad so I’m stuck.

His contribution doesn’t even touch the sides of what it actually costs to raise the kids, and I can guarantee I’m not the only single parent in this position.

[infragilis]

I have 3 kids. One I pay above the CMS requirement and pick up at least half any extra curricular costs that I am asked to pay. I have no access and she moved 200 miles away three years ago. The other two I have 50:50 and pay half childcare costs (half nursery before and now I pay for an au pair AND a child minder). I also pay all clubs they go to, sports kit and get school uniforms, normal clothes etc. Because I have them 50% of the time I don't pay maintenance. Their mother is constantly threatening to take full custody so I had to get a solicitor involved to stop the threats. The kids and I have a great life, we can only rent at the moment as she took me for everything (I used to earn multiples of her salary and bought 97% of the house) after having an affair and leaving me the day after mum's funeral.

Have absolutely no doubt, kids need their dads.

[infragilis]

I would also point out the mother of my first child who moved away despite some years ago apologising for her actions still doesn't answer the phone (even when I call at christmas and on his birthday). Nobody is talking about renting kids, just some common decency towards the child's other parent.

[Goldilocks3Bears]

You are both giving very good but sad examples of how controlling the situation via the kids/money is so commonplace in many separated families. It’s fecking depressing tbh.

[ClaireAngelaReid]

@infragilis he didn’t leave his sorry arse got booted out the door after I supported him through unemployment emotionally and financially and he rewarded us all by having an affair with a woman he met at a coffee shop buying coffee with “our money”.
I used to be team him through and through and indeed allowed him to live rent free with me for 6 months post divorce - counts for nothing though - can’t even have the decency to put his kids before his penis.

[ClaireAngelaReid]

The day will come when these children will all make their own minds up - and if actually be devastated if they didn’t like their father - it would reflect poorly on my choices for a start but children know who put them first.

[Goldilocks3Bears]

Claire my oldest is going through this phase already despite my efforts to shield them from any dramas and encouraging the dad’s involvement. Our kids are smart and it’s hard watching them realise that their parents are not perfect.

[ClaireAngelaReid]

I don’t think it’s a bad thing tbh, the realisation that we are just people with flaws happens in the end anyway.
I always say, he’s doing his best. It’s just his best isn’t my best but that’s not his fault

[mrsbear123]

I have one child with my partner of 5 years. he has 3 children from a previous relationship who he has always paid for. i am obviously all for dads paying for their kids. we pay what the online calculator says and we have them 3 nights a week. she then landed us with cms paper work which means we now get to take my child into account when working out her payments which we didnt do when he was born. her greed has now meant her payments have been reduced. dont tar all dad's with the same brush...

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

her greed has now meant her payments have been reduced. dont tar all dad's with the same brush...

Same happened with my ex. 12 Months after the Consent Order was issued they applied to CMS for an assessment as they always thought the Court figure was too low. CMS assessment is about 60% of Consent Order. Went to a tribunal and nothing changed. So now talking about going back to the Courts!

[SusieQ5604]

For extras here in the US that child support doesn't cover, we assign a percentage of the parents income compared to the other parents income. For a club or a sport, dad may have to pay 75% of costs and mom 25%.

It seems crazy though if the payor just decides to move that he would get a driving credit. He moved he should suck it up x

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

Child Maintenance in the UK needs to be overhauled. There is a + or - 25% change in earnings required before it is assessed again.

CMS initial assessment looks at earned income only. If paying parent has unearned income (eg rent, dividends, interest on savings) then the receiving parent has to apply for a Variation for the unearned income even though it is declared on the same Tax Return as the earned income!

Paying parents who are self employed seem to be a particular problem for the CMS as hard to establish what those who work cash in hand actually earn in total.

Assets are no longer taken into account. So it is possible for the paying parent to be asset rich, but income poor and pay very little in Maintenance. The extreme example being as recent as 2017 whereby father had an estimated £5 Million in property, but his income was he state pension of £111.23 per week. So he ended up paying the child's mother £7 per week!

[Mars11]

I'd like to chip in. I've paid for everything for the last 8 years so my partner could stay home and look after our daughters. We separated 3 yeas ago and I have continued to pay for everything and she hasn't worked. I have always had the girls 2 to 3 nights a week since then and would like more but she's been adamant that's all I could have and I work so many hours to support her and the kids that its tricky.
She's now decided to go back to work (she is a professional) and now gone to the CMS. This ensures she can now earn whatever she wants and not share it in any way but my payments to her always guaranteed, and as I earn a reasonable salary, they are substantial. I'm still paying the mortgage too.
It often looks one way but loving and willing ex partners do exist and for the record I think they can be treated harshly by a system that takes no account of commitment and decency.

[catspyjamas123]

@Mars11 well her going back to work doesn’t suddenly mean you are not their father. Of course you have to pay. She is housing them!

[Mars11]

@catspyjamas123
Thanks for taking the time to comment on this.

At no point did I imply that I felt I should not be paying or that my parentage was in question as a result of her going back to work, so I am unsure on why your comment suggests both? Similarly, I am housing them as I am paying the mortgage in full, so your comment here is inaccurate.

My point, in fact, was that she will enjoy a vastly wealthier lifestyle as well as more time with our beautiful children, and I will lose out on both counts. This is a result of the existing system that protects one party and exposes the other without taking into account the wider picture. This system has been set up on the assumption that ex partners are looking to avoid or in some way negate responsibly which may well be the case for many people. Crucially - Its not the case here - yet I am forced to operate within a framework that assumes it is and makes no allowance for any other approach.

Isn't it interesting that a position of defence is taken to my point? It reflects and endorses the above mentioned framework., doesn't it?

We should all question the status quo and want for a more equitable system. We have a duty to fight for it. Simplified responses that disregard the point I am making, using banner lines like 'she is housing them' and 'you are still their father' do nothing to help discussing and exchanging of new ideas, do they?

Thanks

[catspyjamas123]

OK @mars11 - it sounds like you are doing the decent thing and I didn’t know you were paying the mortgage. Sorry.

The truth is I am more than miffed about my own situation and I am often shocked at the dads (not you) who try to avoid maintenance.

I am a mum and was higher earner. I had to basically pay my ex to go away and I am left housing and caring for the kids 100%. He does pay CMS money weekly but is extremely resentful about it. It is a drop in the ocean compared to what I have already paid him!

So the system doesn’t just favour mothers - as other people have suggested here. And the CMS cash is not enough for anyone to live in comfort anyway without working too. Well, not unless your ex was extremely well paid.

One argument in law for my ex receiving a large lump sum was that he needed somewhere for the children to stay with them. Yet he is totally estranged. He has no intention of them ever staying with him - and in spite of having enough money for a home with spare bedrooms he has only bought a place big enough to house himself.

I am the only one doing all the daily emotional and practical support. I am actually stunned that someone can desert their family like this and has basically robbed us.