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Should I change routines when DH moves out?

11 replies

Gordonbennit · 17/01/2018 18:37

Hello all

My DH is finally moving out mid feb. After much deliberation & heart ache iv decided I will be happier without the resentment he causes me to feel and he feels it's time he stood on his own 2 feet... so all is amicable (for now)

As a single parent of 3boys 3,5 & 7 things will need to change in the house. What do those of you who have lived this situation think to me changing the routine straight away when he's gone.
I mean practice things like - instead of a parent waiting in the room with the kids till they fall asleep (as happens now). I intend to stand and do my ironing at the top of the stairs so they know I'm close but I won't be in the room. Also I was going to try to incorporate bath time for little ens with eldest doing his homework/reading book in his bedroom (so we are all upstairs together etc)
Do you think I should just tell them nicely how it's going to be from now on and then do it!!? I'm scared!!

Iv asked a few questions on here tonight if anyone wants to check my other posts and help out xx thanks

OP posts:
Amaz24 · 17/01/2018 19:36

I think if things have got to change then telling them how it will change and explaining why.
It may be hard at first but they will get used to it and you are still near by them for the changes you've mentioned xx

Gordonbennit · 18/01/2018 11:03

Thanks for your reply - I know it will possibly be a bit upsetting for them at first (the routine change as well as the split) but I thought if I do it all at same time it will be quicker to settle things down. Plus well, I can't be in two bedrooms at once.
I am in awe of single parents and how they do everything!!

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thistoosha11pass · 18/01/2018 17:59

I separated and mum of 3 too, 6, 8 & 9. Honestly I find it easier. You'll learn quickly when to do which jobs, get lists u o the walk, meal plan, online shopping. I found being firm but giving them their own time with me helped. So some days they have staggered bed tones d d sometimes all together. And I don't ironGrin. Good-luck, you'll work it out.

thistoosha11pass · 18/01/2018 18:09

Sorry for all the typos lists on the walls that should read, I hope you get the just- you've got this, don't panic.

Gordonbennit · 18/01/2018 20:21


I keep typing posts then they disappear!

Yes in my possibly deluded little mind I'm thinking long term it might be easier in some ways being single - I do everything for the kids anyway so just the same but without the built up resentment I have towards thier dad!!

I should do meal plans & preps yes that would make sence so tea time is less stressful.

no ironing!! What a rebel Grin no-one died tho eh for not having ironed clothes

OP posts:
thistoosha11pass · 18/01/2018 21:21

Haha, I've never ironed unless I'm going out. Seriously though, I was in exactly the same position, doing EVERYTHING and sbxh sitting on his arse and me seething. Now he's not here, I just get on with it, it's hard work but the anger and resentment has gone. I am happier, the kids can tell, I'm finally losing weight, dry January is still going (amazing as I've relied on wine to block out the bullshit) you know what? I'm back in control of my life. That's how you will feel, don't let the nitty gritty of the daily grind phase you, you will do it! Good luck Smile

Amaz24 · 18/01/2018 21:38

I hope to be like that one day!
Well down you xx

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 18/01/2018 22:19

Why don't you implement the changes before your ex leaves the. The kids will be used to it and there won't be too many changes all at once. Kids like routines and their dad leaving and routines changing may be too much for them to cope with.

Gordonbennit · 18/01/2018 22:38

Good on ya Smile thistoo I hope I can write a similar post too, that's exactly what I'm after in this whole mess, control of my life & finances without having to always bend for others. I don't mind the kids which goes without saying but have felt for too long like I'm having the piss took out of me for little in return. (From the STBXH)

Well done you Flowers

We all get there eventually amaz24

OP posts:
Gordonbennit · 18/01/2018 22:42

Ah just figured out how to bold the there's so many acronyms on here, I'm still a learner on here as you can tell

OP posts:
Bouledeneige · 18/01/2018 23:25

I'm sorry for your situation OP and wish you well with your new life.

I would definitely change your routine as frankly you should be encouraging your children to learn to sleep on their own, in a darkened room without you. I have never done that - it's important they learn to settle themselves from being a baby. So I'd go back down stairs ASAP - if you're on own more of the time you will need your downtime for you.

Being separated/divorced is totally do-able - my DCs were 6 and 4 when we broke up and are now lovely late teens. Their
routine will change anyway presumably if they go and stay with their Dad. So yes keep lots of things the same - but make practical small changes that make your life liveable.

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