Husband leaving me and newborn!

[BJG19]

Hi, first post so bear with me!
Background - I've been with my husband for 8 years, we've been married for just over a year and have a 7 week old little boy.
Things have been strained for a while but I've put it down to him being stressed at work and the struggles that come with brand new first baby and a very very traumatic birth. On Christmas Day we had the whole family to ours as we'd normally be at my mum's but she has building work going on, so had a few words on xmas day - husband was miserable and nothing more than you'd expect with having a house full and a newborn. So anyway gets to late on the evening we're saying bye, made plans for a walk with family the next morning. Everyone leaves, we sit on sofa and I asked husband for a kiss and a cuddle as hasn't had one all day and he scoffed and said what's the point... so anyway I got upset by that and he started kicking off saying he hasn't been happy for months, I've stopped him doing everything (cos I wouldn't let him go to the pub on xmas morning and leave me with baby and dinner to cook!) and basically he then decided to tell me he doesn't love me any more and wants to leave... so he slept on the sofa that night, Boxing Day my mum took our little boy for a couple of hours so we could talk, nothing was resolved and I told him if he really wanted to go then he had to go and stay elsewhere cos it was too hard having him in the house so I stayed at mum's one night and he went to sisters another night and by a few days after I was really struggling with baby and I asked him to come and stay at home for at least a month til I was able to get in to a routine and manage better so all been going fine but I've felt we've opened up to each other and I started feeling we may in the future be able to resolve things... he's acknowledged that he's depressed and has agreed to go to GP. So this week he's been away for 2 days at his dad's wedding and I've had a full on meltdown, he's been all over social media looking like he's having the time of his life while I'm at home with a tiny baby really struggling. He's came home tonight and been nasty with me, for example says he might not go to GP tomorrow, I asked whether he told people we'd split up and he says no one asked where me or baby were so he didn't need to tell them. Saying I'm to blame for everything and no hope of reconciliation. Doesnt need me to care about his mental health. I'm on the verge of telling him to leave and I'll manage myself but I know I'll probably not cope and I'll end up having to ask my mum for a lot of help. I'm worried I'll push him too far when he's already in a hard place. I'm convinced that when he says he's been unhappy for months it's the depression he's been suffering with for months not unhappiness in our marriage cos we argue like anyone and yes probably more so when I've been pregnant but it's a very stressful time! As much as I hate what he's done and what he's putting me through I love him so much and I'm so concerned about him. Why I have no idea when he's being so awful! Should I make him leave? I think if he's here he'll get my support and time with his son and realise he should be at home with us but then if he's not sure he may realise what he's thrown away if he has some space from
It! Please someone help me to sort my head out, it's all overwhelming! xxx

[Shmithecat]

There's a calculator online for child maintenance payments assuming you know what his salary is? At least then you'll know the minimum he's obliged to pay for your child. Unfortunately anything else on top of that is up to him unless it goes through court at the point of divorce. Don't forget if you do separate and you are the main carer for you child you could be entitled to CTC/WTC/UB/CB etc. Look at the benefits calculator in that scenario. Child maintenance is not taken into consideration with these benefits.

[patmose]

Hi BJG19,

Sorry to hear about your situation but all I can say is, you have to be strong . Your so called husband or father of your new born baby is just an ass , sorry for my rude word. Atleast he should considered the innocent child he brought into this world before acting weird. I am a guy too, at least at this moment he should try and understand the situation and try to support you till you will be fine not to just shy away is responsibility and hide under the influence of depression.I bet he must be seeing another lady that is why is acting so weird. I think he needs a kick in his ass then his depression will disappear.

[HBC14]

I have just gone through the same. I would ask the question - do you love him? then ask does he love you. Sometimes your head must rule your heart. be strong. if he goes you'll be just fine on your own. if he stays then give yourself a timescale e.g.3 months if things haven't improved by that point then you make the decision not him. in that time get your finances in order and your own account...get sorted so you can stand on your own two feet. good luck and be strong. either way surround yourself with family and friends and you'll find the answer xxx

[Natalies85]

Hello OP, I read your initial post and it made my blood boil! Your husband is a complete C-U-Next-Tuesday. It sounds as though he has the same emotional maturity as your little new-born. Complete idiot. Being depressed is NOT an excuse. It sounds as though you have a lovely family around you and some financial security which is good news. The newborn weeks are hard due to lack of sleep and routine. Of course this gets easier but other challenges come along. It sounds to me as though your OH is not man enough to be a daddy and a husband. You on the other hand so very kind and understanding. Im sure your OH can be a good dad to your little one but you need to find a proper husband who can give you the kindness and support you deserve.

[Gigi2018]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Men are dicks...what is your situation now, did u guys work it out?

I had my son in January and the day I was leaving hospital to bring him home his dad went into a rage, said he didn't love me and he was suicidal! He was asked to leave. I was traumatized. 8 months on almost, im still heartbroken and cant get over him. He blamed me on him leaving. I loved him and did everything for him. He is 37, a mammys boy. I have to see him weekly with baby, in mediation.he had slowed down my healing. I am upset each week after seeing him. He is a narcissist. I realize our short relationship was full of emotional abuse. But I still feel so sad, I'm living in my parents as cant afford a place at present on.my own,that in itself is tough having not lived at home since early 20s, im 35
My son is only good thing in my life. I struggle most days, my parents are always at me about how to raise him, and while I welcome any help,its more like im a child living under their roof even though I pay my way

I hate my ex for what he did, I thought we'd be a family like he promised. First sign of adult responsibility he ran. I had hard labour and was in and out of hospital up to 3 months postpartum. He didn't care, I begged him to make it work,his excuse was my family must hate him after what he did so how could we be together.

Why cant I move on..I know he is a arsehole!

[ALC83]

Hello i an going through the sane type of situation and ur husband sounds like his behaviours and words were very similar did you ever get to the bottom of what happened to him. Even the skewed thinking is like my husband. I would love to hear from you. I was with my husband 15 years married for 5 and the baby was 5 weeks old when out of nowhere he said he was done.