I got divorced from my husband of 15 years — 2 years ago. We have a 10 year old son together. I was the breadwinner of the family and I worked and traveled while HE was a stay at home dad.
Not long after the divorce was filed I met and fell in love with a successful man who lived 2 hours away. In the divorce decree I had given my ex 50/50 but I was primary parent with jurisdiction rights, so I could move anywhere with my son.
Well, when my new boyfriend (now husband) asked me to quit my career (making 6 figures) and move with him and have my son — I said yes. I started the process and my ex went nuts. He couldn’t BELIEVE that I was planning to move away with our son. So, he got family money and a high powered attorney to issue a TRO for my son to stay in his current school etc.
So it began a war….and I spent about 20k in legal fees in 2 weeks. My ex was trying to say there was a problem with the original decree and that he wanted a bill of review — essentially a “do over”.
My fiancé (now husband) originally told me that he would put up the money and help me fight. But, then backed off and said if we couldn’t be assured by my lawyers that we were going to win — he wasn’t going to put his money in it. THIS news came after I already quit my job and MOVED 2 hours from my son to be with my then finance...because he said he could take care of me...until I found another job.
The REAL problem began when my attorneys wouldn’t talk with him. They wouldn’t allow him in MY mediation with my ex etc. He said “if I can’t be a part of this…I’m not paying.”
So what happened? I had to give up and I granted the “bill of review” and it’s been in a standstill ever since. We had temporary orders and I worked with my ex to just fire our lawyers, come up with our agreement and hire ONE lawyers to draft it - sign it and be done with it.
Mind you — I was supposed to be paying 1000 in child support per month. I was making 175k a year and this standstill didn’t require me to pay any child support.
Anyway, my new husband has been livid about this. I haven't been paying a dime to my ex who is NOT happy...and my new husband STILL won’t let me pay for anything including my son’s tuition or tutoring etc without a major fight. Again, I got another job making about 175k a year and he makes 300k. Yes we have expenses that are nearly all we make (he has big house and sports cars etc). Virtually no money in the bank.
So that’s the back story. NOW - my new husband has been told that his contract won’t be renewed in the fall. And he is fearing he will be broke. I tried to get him to get a job near my son. Again 2 hours away. He has been reluctant. He says if we do that — he will have to rely only on my income at that time until he can build up his own practice.
I said sure, let’s downsize — that’s fine. I will support us. That seemed to be the path until 2 days ago he freaked out on me and told me that he has 2500 in child support himself and that with my child support etc — we will go bankrupt on just my salary.
I told him to go to the judge (if he isn’t making money) and tell the court that you need support lowered temporarily. He said no. He won’t do that. SO, I said — listen — I don’t know what you want from me. I make 175k. I can only do so much. I will support us and do whatever I can — but I can’t make miracles happen. He said “okay” let’s try to move and I will try to make money as fast as possible.
That was 2 days ago.
Well, yesterday I got a PLEASANT surprise (or so I thought). I found out from my divorce attorney that since a year had passed and my ex had not made any moves on the “bill of review” that the ORIGINAL DECREE will go back to being in place. So Again I will have full custody and right of jurisdiction for my SON!
She said that she felt my ex would fight for the bill of review AGAIN — but this time I should NOT grant it and I should use whatever money I can to fight him and get and KEEP full custody this time because I am no longer working those horrible hours that would make it hard for a judge to give me my son. I work from home mostly!
When I came out and told my new husband this — he felt that I was “up to something” He said that he thought this was very “suspicious” and had tried to say that he felt I was in there planning to file divorce from HIM! I told him it was ridiculous!
He said so if this is all true…what you are now telling me is that you need more money to fight?
I said yes, but I just go through my retirement first. I only have about 50k left, but I will do it. I told him the fight will be MUCH less expensive if we just live (as planning to move) in my son’s town instead of uprooting him 2-3 hours away from his dad. THAT scenario would be a awful fight.
He said well if you are going to fight at all…. and you are supporting me too because of my new business …this will be a disaster. He said I am not going to move then. You fight it out and I will get a JOB (not start a practice) in HIS town.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I said….”WHY can’t we continue this plan of living near my son’s dad. It won’t be a costly fight and we were ALREADY planning to move there…”
He said no. Then he asked where I was planning to get the money -I said my retirement…I will do whatever I can.
He said I think your whole plan is to use the proceeds from my house sale (he owned it before we married)! He said you aren’t touching a dime of that…just FYI.
I said oh…so I can support you….help you start a practice and you won’t dig in anywhere to help with this? He said, well I am moving FOR You… so I don’t think I should be required to use any of my money from the house to help. You will “save us” …remember?
Then he started making fun of me and said that I have a chip on my shoulder about being able to support us …and I said nope…sorry, I don’t…I am being the BEST woman that you will ever find by OFFERING to support you in YOUR city or my SON’s…regardless. I have REQUESTED we move to be near my son…but if you won’t….fine. I will just pay for everything and support us until you get on your feet.
The fight was horrible…I actually told him to stop the car because he and I were screaming so much…I was about to nuts. I could not BELIEVE what I was hearing. He didn’t stop the car…but he continued to tell me that I was selfish, condescending and “up to no good” and then demanded that he talk with my attorney to verify the information I am telling him.
And there’s one more layer here…. my ex husband knows that my new husband is a bit crazy. He “accidentally” broke my finger during a fight by pulling on my bag. I was trying to leave and he grabbed the bag and was yanking it — and he was also yanking my hand. It not only broke my finger but twisted it and deformed it. I had to have 3 screws and a plate in my hand. He maintains it was an accident. He didn’t KNOW he had my finger….
Well the surgeon had to report it and there was a police investigation that my ex heard about. So, I know that he will use that against my husband — and so my husbands answer to that?
What’s the point of fighting for custody of your son — if you KNOW this is going to come up? We are going to lose….and I am going to be embarrassed publicly…and we are going to be further broke.
And he says that this is all proof that I’m secretly on my ex husband’s side.
I know i’ve rambled a lot here….but I need perspective. Is my husband making any sense here? I feel completely manipulated and gravely disappointed about all this….
The good news yesterday was transformed into “I didn’t expect another thing and another bill…out of this meeting…something is wrong here.."
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Divorce/separation
War between my ex's and I moved away from son...
needadvice255 · 03/03/2016 14:51
you're nearing retirement, you've got 50 left in savings and you have a young dc.
your new husband doesn't want you spending money on your dc 
. he's only happy if it was spent helping him set up his own practice-can you see that? it all has to be about what HE wants and HIS way, he's already shown you that he has no problem with making false promises to you, getting you to spend your money and change your whole life to suit HIM and then let you down at the last crucial stage. he isn't supporting you in any way or even putting your dc welfare first - even though he has the option to be able to help with that right now.
your dc is NOT a possession, your do not have more rights to him - HE has the right to live near both parents so he can have a good relationship with BOTH. HE is still getting to grips with the changes your divorce has brought and now you want to take away what little 'normality' and security he has left?
If YOU want to be with a 'man' like your dh then that's YOUR choice - don't force it upon your dc. your dh doesn't sound like he wants him around anyway.
you need to decide what is more important - your dc or a fickle man who can't be trusted. spending your money on your dh and his 'practice' and legal stuff that harms your dc is not the wisest way to prepare for your retirement and future personal security.
i say ditch the husband and focus on your sons needs. you can replace unsuitable partners but you can't replace your son.
You can't afford your new husband. If you split up with him, you will able to afford everything (and won't have injuries and bankruptcy either! 
)
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