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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

If we separate what % dh salary wd i get as maintenance? And joint house?

35 replies

SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 11:58

Feeling stuck in v unhappy marriage- had to stop work for a couple of years, prior to that part-time to fit round kids. Now working p/t again but income about 12% of dh's! What would happen financially if we split? We are married, joint mortgage (high) i put in much more equity at beginning. Thanks.

OP posts:

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EarthWindFire · 18/07/2014 15:08

These days judges don't like giving life orders as they prefer both spouses to be able to support themselves [not including CM of course].

My DPs ex thought she would walk away with a lot, the house, pension share, SM etc. a judge actually ordered 60:40 split, no pension share, nominal SM at the lowest rate. There are dependent children and theirs was a very long marriage.

Judges split by what is fair in law, not by what either party feels is fair.

heidiwine · 18/07/2014 07:41

My DPs ex has what's called a general maintenance joint lives order (or something like that). It basically means a 50:50 split of DPs income for LIFE. It was granted 8 years ago at a time when his youngest was not in school.
I'm not for a minute saying you'll get anything like that. I'm just putting it in the mix to show the variety of settlements out there and reinforcing the need for you to get proper legal advice.

xena26 · 17/07/2014 22:07

My sister gets around 40% of her ex husbands salery.

Mini05 · 16/07/2014 23:14

Yes this was in mine co habit or marry

EarthWindFire · 16/07/2014 22:53

SM can end on cohabitation. It depends what is in the court/consent order.

purpleroses · 16/07/2014 22:49

Mini - SM ends on remarriage, but NOT on cohabitation. DH's ex left him for another man, who she's been living with ever since. She even wears a wedding ring but they're not married, as she'd lose the money if they did!

purpleroses · 16/07/2014 22:46

My DH pays SM to his ex - their DCs were aged 6-11 when they split, so similar to yours OP. He was ordered to pay her a large sum for 10 years, ie pretty much whole of DCs childhood, after that she could apply for it to be renewed, but I think the expectation is that it will stop. She gets child support on top, which ends when each DC turns 18. But my DH was/is a high earner who'd paid off his mortgage by the time the divorced, so I think her solicitor was arguing that it was kind of spare money. She'd never had much of a career either before the marriage or during it, but her staying at home with the DC had enabled my DH to progress in his I guess. I think my DH actully got a bigger share of the assets - as it suited them both for him to stay in the marital home, and the income (SM) was I guess more important to her.

EarthWindFire · 13/07/2014 20:58

nominal sm to make sure me and DCs were ok (aged 2 and 0 when XH left).

Nominal SM can be as little as 5p per year.

EarthWindFire · 13/07/2014 20:54

DH say that he was told at the time that if you get divorced in a London (as he did) settlements are generally more favourable to the ex wife.

It's not about where you you live it's about what is in the marital pot and what is 'fair' in law.

I have known cases in and out of London in various circumstances, some evenly split some not.

amigagal · 13/07/2014 18:24

Ifyoubuildit - it would be worth going back to court now. My DPs ex took him back to court this year trying to get more money (as we are so rich and she's penniless, not). The judge ruled that the child maintenance should come to an end when the boys hit 18, rather than 21, and her maintenance then drops to £1 a year. She has a stable job, there is no reason for her to be bankrolled forever.

Mini05 · 13/07/2014 15:48

Wife maintence is only if she doesn't ie remarry, cohabit.

In my case ex h signed house over to me in lieu of his pension. Paid cm for 1 child till 18 no court involved solicitor but sorted it between us(lot of argueing but got what I wanted in the end)

Mil, who was 74,got 60/40 split the house worth about £270 at time. No maintence,no pension share.this was just enough for her to buy a 1bed retirement apartment in the area she lived in

Ifyoubuildit · 13/07/2014 14:51

Interesting. My husband pays maintenance to his ex and according to the court it's for life. Their children are both in secondary school so she could work, in theory work. This was agreed 6 years ago though so maybe it's changed?

DH say that he was told at the time that if you get divorced in a London (as he did) settlements are generally more favourable to the ex wife.

EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 18:06

Courts these days don't like adding CM into court orders as after the first year either party can apply to the new Child Maintenance Agency (the old CSA).

SwiftRelease · 09/07/2014 13:06

Thanks, will check all that. Head spinning.

OP posts:

millymollymoomoo · 09/07/2014 09:55

you really do need specialist legal advice. As your children are a little older (ie at school) it may well be expected that you can work full time to support yourself and may not therefore be awarded SM - or that you may be awarded SM for an interim period. While courts generally prefer clean break and gone are the days when men are expected to pay their ex wives forever that does not mean you will not have any chance at SM.

The courts will look at how long you have been married, current earnings and future earnings of both parents, assets in the marriage, pensions etc. It might be for example that you ask for SM but then negotiate higher % of equity or pension and drop the SM claim etc.

How long have you been married and what assets are there? Think about that, i.e. can you afford the mortgage to stay in the marital home? will you need to sell it to release equity? what equity will there be and if you were awarded 50/60/70% etc would that rehouse you and the children etc

SageMist · 09/07/2014 09:16

Actually I think that because you are married you have far better financial security than you would have if you hadn't married him.

But it sounds like its time to stand on your own two feet. Good luck.

EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 09:01

Aim not sim!

EarthWindFire · 09/07/2014 09:01

Each case is individual. You may find that you get more of the 'marital pot' as you earn less.

The courts sim is for you both to be able to support yourselves in the future whilst still supporting your children.

If it goes as far as court, they take out the emotion of the situation, have guidelines to adhere to and then decide what is fair using these.

SwiftRelease · 09/07/2014 06:57

Gosh, thats tough! Did he not feel honour/duty bound?

OP posts:

nomoretether · 08/07/2014 22:45

Mine were 4 & 1 and I was told in no uncertain terms that I'd get nothing - I didn't even have a job.

awishes · 08/07/2014 22:37

I'm going through this at the moment and can say that it is so individual I don't think anyone could give you a ball park figure.

it would be unusual to split everything 50/50 if there are children involved but there are so many considerations. I also gave up a good salary and therefore my pension has suffered because I was at home bringing the children up but my stbx expects a 50/50 split. Quite how I am supposed to house the children with that and a part time salary I don't know!

try to see as many solicitors as possible using the free half hour and take notes and prepare questions. If you can agree a settlement without courts you will save a fortune.

Good luck.

SwiftRelease · 08/07/2014 22:09

Thanks, Let. Will do- sounds worth if (had been wondering about diy route but think i should fight for more than that would give me( my dds older though 7 & 13 so not sure.

OP posts:

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Letitgoletitgo · 08/07/2014 21:08

I disagree, I have sm as well as cm written in a finance order which was signed off by the court. May depend in how old your DCs are as to how much court expects you to support yourself, but my solicitor said a judge would be unhappy about signing off anything without at least nominal sm to make sure me and DCs were ok (aged 2 and 0 when XH left). Find a good solicitor who specialises in family law. XH and I agreed money outside of court in the end. Did jean selling the family home though, money then split 50/50. So he has bought a nice new house with ow and I am renting as no chance of getting a mortgage on my own salary.... But hey ho. Good luck!

nomoretether · 08/07/2014 18:56

I definitely wouldn't rely on any amount above what the CMS say you'll get. Courts can't/won't enforce child maintenance as that's what the CMS is for. He could "agree" to a higher amount and then go back on it whenever he feels like it.

I agree with Fairylea - entangle as much as you can as quickly as you can and get proper legal advice.

BranchingOut · 08/07/2014 18:56

I think that things are actually better than they used to be, which is rather horrifying.

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