i am only three weeks seperated having got a barring order and got my DH removed from my house. I had to do this because he was verbaly, mentally, emotionally financially and starting to get physically abusive to me. Verbal and emotionally abusive to my dd also.
i am certain and sure i did the right thing for myelf and my dc's. I feel relief at having him out of my life and am enjoying my safe and happy home with my kids. But i was just reading something on another thread and a thought popped into my head that i really do still love my H. Am i bonkers?? How could i feel anything but hate for him for all he has done to me and my DD but i can calmly sit here and say that i love him.
Dont worry am not thinking of going back with him or anyhting like that but i can't understand why i dont' hate his guts instead of how i feel. I feel that if i am going to have a happy future then i have to move on in my heart or i will always be somehow trapped by him and by the past we had together.
Everything i have read so far about abusers and how they operate has been the text book behaviour of my H so i know this is not a unique situation.
I guess i am looking for an understanding of why i am feeling this way - as i find understanding makes it easier for me to accept things.
any psychiatrists out there!!!!!! so confused...
why do i still love my abusive H??
phoenix2 · 25/01/2012 20:17
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