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Question for dads please, what’s to do

8 replies

Juenalp · 06/08/2022 07:31

Try to get to the point of the question… you’re 41, wanted kids your whole life (apparently). Have planned them with your partner for a years time but unexpectedly fall pregnant after using condoms.

His initial reaction was positive but he became distant, cold, drank more than usual. I rowed with him about this a lot, swore shouted told him I’d speak to his work/police if he didn’t stop being unkind and didn’t stop drinking so much (NOT my finest reaction I know). He ended up being charged with drink driving, we rowed more because I mentioned reporting him if he didn’t stop (I’d never have done this I was just worried and wanted him to wake up). He cut me off, literally, stopped communicating and from what I can see has got all sorts of restrictions on job because of the drinking charge (works for nhs) and will be in meltdown because he is on contract work so it’s coming up for renewal. I’ve text to say I’m sorry for being upset and getting angry at him, said life is too short let’s speak even for the sake of the baby. It’s been weeks and weeks now and he ignores it all. I’m struggling as I get towards the birth and don’t understand how he can be so unkind. From a man’s perspective would you leave him to it? I am worried he will forget about the baby entirely if I don’t keep in contact. He never seemed the sort of person to abandon his child but he seems to be heading that way?

OP posts:
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KangarooKenny · 06/08/2022 07:33

Not this again ? Seriously, you need a hobby.

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exnewwifeproblems · 06/08/2022 07:41

He's made his decision. You might not like it but it is what it is. Get on to CMS once the baby is born and plan in your head to be a lone parent.

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polkadotpixie · 06/08/2022 08:03

Oh it's you again 🙄 FFS, just leave him, you've been posting the same thing for months!

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OneGuy · 18/09/2022 17:59

I read you are posting about this situation for some time already, so this is an ongoing serious issue.
I think that the relationship you had with your partner is lost at this stage, so when you manage to speak with him, make clear that you are not trying to get back together, you just want to discuss what is best for his kid. That is the angle you should try, speak to him as a father, not as a partner.
The first months of a baby are hard, try to have a word with him about that and try to get him involved since it's his kid.
On another note, you mentioned he is drinking, on that note, I would say for you to try to get someone he listens to, to have a chat abt that. He probably won't change his drinking problem if you try to speak with him about that, but if a good friend of him or a relative tells him it's getting out of line, he will maybe listen.

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Uxori0us · 21/10/2022 07:11

Sounds like this is an ongoing saga.

he is clearly not stable enough for children which is a polite way of saying childish little prick.

because of said childish behaviour, you need to firmly ignore him, he is a cry baby craving attention and boozing is a way of throwing his toys out the pram. Ignore him and he will get the message.

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stevetaylor20 · 08/11/2022 00:47

If he's a good person, I'd ask him to talk to someone and have counselling and give him a little time for it to settle, he's freaking out obviously by it all. Otherwise he may regret his decisions later. My honest view is you need an answer to another question. Why is he really freaking out? Is it the baby he's freaked out by a lot, ... or is it you he does not want to be with anymore at heart. Sorry for speaking openly that's how I'm thinking as a man. If he does want to be with you, he probably just needs a bit of time, as you seem to suggest at core he's a good person.

People here easily judge people too quickly saying he isn't stable etc, but it's a shorty summary you've provided and no one here's knows him or you. Easy to judge people and all women do is slate men on this site.

Me personally once got caught drinking driving and many guys do it once lol, all part of growing up I say. As long as he didn't run anyone over!

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Thatskindafun · 08/11/2022 00:52

He is 41 and planned to have a baby in a few years
that was everything you needed to know.

you ignored that and you’re ignoring every sign since. Sounds like you’ve been told repeatedly already what pp think.
accept you’re doing this alone. Or make some decisions about your pregnancy. But he is not part of this.

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stevetaylor20 · 08/11/2022 01:39

Jesus lol, people are pretty harsh on this site.

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