Wife won't accept seperation

[Beren1]

I am having a bit of a tough time, but to be fair not as tough as my wife is finding it, and need some advice or to hear from anyone who has gone through similar.
Myself and my wife have been together 16 years, married 5, have 3 beautiful kids(all primary school age), a lovely house and a good lifestyle. But for the past few years my love for her has slowly disappeared.
It's come to a head now as I told her 6 months ago that I didn't love her and wanted to separate. She went though all of the understandable emotions, anger, sadness, accusations and begged me to try, mainly for the sake of the kids, to make a go of it. I have tried as best I can to make things work but the love has gone and it seems it won't come back.
She is throwing everything at me, mainly around the impact on kids, how could I be so selfish, how could I put them through this, why don't I love her, demanding I explain, she didn't become a mum to then become a part-time mum, why am I such a coward just running away, the kids are innocent party, why can't I just stay for their sake, you once loved me why don't you now???
I fear massively the impact on the children, I am very close to them all and love them massively, and do question how I could consider doing such a thing which will hurt them immensely and stay with them forever.
But, no matter what I do, what my friends say about the grass isn't greener, make it work etc. I simply do not love my wife. I do not want to spend time with her, we have never had the best relationship, it's been volatile, we have never really talked much, I have always thought this isn't what love is, this isn't what a relationship should be, more so over the last few years, but possibly a lack of confidence, expectations of others and ultimately doing right by the kids has led to staying together (till Joe) and getting married 5 years ago.
I know I may regret leaving.
I also fear it. But I fear being stuck in an unhappy marriage, settling, with someone I don't think I should be with, for the next 40+ years of my life.
I suspect I am being selfish, and I suspect that I may find happiness elsewhere at the expense of losing a lot and damaging my children.
I am massively confused, not in a good place....

[Calliou]

I say well done done leaving an unhappy relationship. Nobody should stay in a relationship that makes them miserable, it's bad for every bodies mental health long term.

From your posts it sounds very much that the love for your wife had gone. It happens. And you can't always bring it back. Give yourself time to adjust and find a new normal. It won't be instant but will happen eventually.

FWIW my parents have been together 45 years and are desperately unhappy. My mum has not loved my dad for a very, very long time. She has tried to separate a few times but he refuses to accept it and feels she should lose financially as it's her decision, so she stays.

It's all horribly toxic these days. She's alcoholic and lives in a bottle of vodka. He's permanently stressed and is essentially her carer. The resentment both sides is huge. I have a poor relationship with both of them and wish they separated ages ago. It would have been sad but far better than this.

[Buttercup443]

Why should OP take a financial hit.

A marriage is a relationship of equals. Continental European courts (and English neither) acknowledge a guilty party anymore.

I would advise the main home gets sold and all assets split 50/50 and you both end up with smaller but equally lovely properties and a fresh start without haunting memories for everyone involved.

[Buttercup443]

Don't acknowledge I meant.

His wife has the responsibility to lead her own life without being propped up all the while esp as both are still young.

You marry for love, you don't buy a husband or wife for life!