DV Neighbours

[sh5278]

Hi, long one.
Since me and my neighbour moved in, she has had 2 DV relationships. This one is next level. Other neighbours have witnessed the abuse, and I have to live next door to it. As far as I’m aware he should not be at the property without supervision with the newborn.
Tonight, it’s maybe the 6th/7th time I’ve had to call in 12 months due to the level it had got to. We both live in social housing, and they have issued warnings to her and I believe ss are involved. I feel like I’m smacking my head against a brick wall. She drops the charges but because of witnesses and obvious injuries they have kept him in for a short period of time. I totally understand and appreciate you do not know what you would do until you’re in that situation.
It’s hard for housing as they have said that there’s not much that they can do as he is not on the tenancy and the courts would go in her favour. As far as I’m aware she does not have contact with her other son now because of all of this. It constantly goes in circles, police remove him and he comes straight back. I do not believe the threat of her children being removed wouldn’t change anything. I’ve smelt cannabis every night from their property, reported that and nothing is done. My son is 3 and severely autistic and this is really affecting my home life to the point I spend nights at my parents. Has anyone been in this situation? I’m really at my wits end with it all

[alittleworriedlamb]

I feel your pain. We've moved now, but in our last house the neighbours were retired and alcoholics and would argue all day long. By 8pm it would start getting violent. I called the police all the time, they turned up and the couple would deny everything. It even got to the point where the police accused me of having it in for the couple. They'd fall over in the garden drunk and not be able to get back up and the other one would laugh and taunt them shouting and swearing.
My kids were petrified of him constantly bellowing and threatening her.
In the end we moved, but I still say now that he's 100% going to seriously injure her one day. I guess you just need to keep reporting until something is done.

[sh5278]

@alittleworriedlamb

I feel your pain. We've moved now, but in our last house the neighbours were retired and alcoholics and would argue all day long. By 8pm it would start getting violent. I called the police all the time, they turned up and the couple would deny everything. It even got to the point where the police accused me of having it in for the couple. They'd fall over in the garden drunk and not be able to get back up and the other one would laugh and taunt them shouting and swearing.
My kids were petrified of him constantly bellowing and threatening her.
In the end we moved, but I still say now that he's 100% going to seriously injure her one day. I guess you just need to keep reporting until something is done.

It really does feel like the police can’t do anything until something really serious happens. They’ve been around mine before asking for statements to try and get him sent down on dv charges and other charges. I love my home, I live in a new estate where everyone is so lovely. It’s just unfortunate I ended up being the one who lives next door to it. I was told by the police that the prisons are so full at the moment that it’s really difficult for him to be sent down. Housing has offered her alternative housing away from him but she declined. I’m at the point now that reporting it is pointless but at the same time if the worst was to happen and I hadn’t called then I couldn’t live with that

[SpringboksSocks]

We had similar next door, although no children were involved. We called the police several times and contacted the housing provider, who asked us to record the noise. In the end the tenant was served an eviction notice and the partner was arrested (both were physically violent and there was drug use). It was massively stressful and we were called to go to court as witnesses (thankfully it wasn’t required in the end).

There were no winners in the situation, but we have no regrets about reporting it over and over, because the situation did change eventually. Thinking of you because it’s grim.

[alittleworriedlamb]

It's hard isn't it. I also have a friend who is a victim of DV and she has put up with it for 10 years. Her neighbours have reported her again and again for years and just recently the police have arrested him with bail conditions not to go near her. She's devastated and is in tears daily, and is telling the police that there was no violence, but the police are perusing the case without her involvement. They have SS involved and my friend is furious that her neighbours have called up repeatedly "grassing him up"
It's all an absolute mess, but there's nothing you can say to her to get her to see sense because she loves him. I just don't let my kids go round to her house as I know it can be violent and her son spends days on end at my house.

[sh5278]

@alittleworriedlamb

It's hard isn't it. I also have a friend who is a victim of DV and she has put up with it for 10 years. Her neighbours have reported her again and again for years and just recently the police have arrested him with bail conditions not to go near her. She's devastated and is in tears daily, and is telling the police that there was no violence, but the police are perusing the case without her involvement. They have SS involved and my friend is furious that her neighbours have called up repeatedly "grassing him up"
It's all an absolute mess, but there's nothing you can say to her to get her to see sense because she loves him. I just don't let my kids go round to her house as I know it can be violent and her son spends days on end at my house.

How absolutely awful for your friend. I don’t think words or encouragement help in these situations. It’s only the individual to tell themselves enough is enough. Obviously I don’t know what it’s like as I have never been through it. It’s a difficult situation especially when there’s children involved. But I will keep reporting for the safety of the newborn. I just wish someone would shake her and her to see it how it is from the outside. It sounds really selfish of me to complain about it but I’ve spent nights awake and anxious not wanting to leave my home because I’m worried he’s going to retaliate to me reporting it. I also think about my son having to listen to the abuse and throwing of furniture too. It’s awful and I really hope housing force her to move away from him

[sh5278]

@SpringboksSocks

We had similar next door, although no children were involved. We called the police several times and contacted the housing provider, who asked us to record the noise. In the end the tenant was served an eviction notice and the partner was arrested (both were physically violent and there was drug use). It was massively stressful and we were called to go to court as witnesses (thankfully it wasn’t required in the end).

There were no winners in the situation, but we have no regrets about reporting it over and over, because the situation did change eventually. Thinking of you because it’s grim.

I’ve sent a few recordings previously and she got given assured tenancy even with 2 warnings. She’s had her 3rd warning now and they were considering court action, but the case worker believes it will be ruled in her favour. I’ve said I will happily stand in court and give accounts of the abuse and disturbance. I’ll contact the case worker again tomorrow and see what she thinks is the next move.