OH wants to add a bubble, I’m still high risk and scared

[user1476476979]

I know risk is lowering now but I’ve really been anxious during this period. Realising I have multiple underlying conditions and with a little one, I’ve been pretty scared.

Throughout this, as I’m not shielding and no letter, my husband has been patronising and not supportive but now he wants to go visit his parents and stay and I’m just not comfortable with it. He hasn’t really left me with any option, saying he needs to go see his family.

I’ve given him the option to go alone but he also wants to take little one who won’t stay without me.

Any reassurances on risk level? I feel really shitty knowing OH doesn’t care about my risk and trivialises a worldwide pandemic.

Or am I over worrying and should just go along with it?

Any opinions would be grateful.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Other than refusing to go, nothing more I can do than go along. It would be wonderful if I could just do what I wanted!

So refuse to go. He's not your boss.

[BluebellForest836]

Why don’t you stay at home ? You don’t have to go.
Let him go with your child and ask they sit apart at least.

[violetscone]

@ukgift2016

I think YOU are overreacting. May be worth seeing a doctor if you are allowing this anxiety to take over your life.

I would be annoyed too if I was your husband.

OP is taking immunosuppressants. Do you not know what that means? Seriously some of you are being so unkind. OP is right to be careful.

I’m sorry your husband is being horrible. I have similar concerns and DH has looked after me and is prioritising my health and safety. Yours is being very unkind and I would be questioning my marriage in your shoes.

[Jingstohang]

The list was arbitrary, people are rich of blood clots aren’t on it (even though the virus is now showing concerns there), people tracing a smidgen too little of immunosuppressant drugs aren’t on it and so on.

Those at risk of blood clots arent at higher risk because it's not the same type of blood clot formation. I had a lengthy chat with my doctor about this as I was worried about it and came away reassured.

[pinktaxi]

Just ignore the question, I thought maybe a pulmicort inhaler, which is not really considered an issue, but anything else isn't my business!

[pinktaxi]

Don't go. Keep your child with you and let him go, but ask him to hand wash and distance himself wherever possible.

What and why are you on immunosuppressants?

[Northlondonmum1980]

Thankyou all.

The high risk group is a big group and we were all told to just be extra careful if we have a flu jab.
Having underlying conditions and a few of them, feel quite scared at the risk but I’m sure there are many many people in this category.

I could tell him to go alone. How would I then stay in different rooms etc when he is back?


It’s also hard hitting that it’s great to say my body my choice, but not everyone’s partners care and that’s what this has highlighted. He really doesn’t care about my risk and said I can’t avoid it and if I’m going to get it, I’m going to get it. That’s fine to say if you are the healthy one without underlying conditions! Shitty it’s taken a pandemic to realise he doesn’t care.

[QuarantineQueen]

One of the big problems is that the shielding list is so small there are many people who are high risk who aren't on it. It also takes no account of how many conditions on the 'flu jab vulnerable' list people have. So the OP seems to have 2 or 3 - which all the statistics suggest put her at much higher risk, but the way 'shielders' are selected has taken no account of that. That is why no letter - like thousands of others in this position she will have been told to make her own risk assessment and she is clearly high risk. People telling her to not be anxious have no understanding of what it is like to be on the 'flu jab vulnerable' list where drs are telling us we are vulnerable but there are no employment protections or advice.
OP tell your OH tough. He hasn't been shielding, he is in no different position to anyone else and it is not allowed yet. He needs to grow up and accept that and also face up to the fact his partner is higher risk and his actions should be to err on the side of caution of the rules.

[caringcarer]

My dh is immunosuppressed, is asthmatic, has sleep apnoea and on cpatavhinr at night, is obese and has high blood pressure but has no letter telling him to shield. He is lucky he can work from home. We have not been out though until 2 weeks ago when we drive DC to 1-1 cricket nets and we walk around field until he has finished. We have only shopped online and for exercise have used home gym. Do not risk this journey. Let your DH go alone or with DC. He should be helpful to keep you safe not exposing you to danger.

[Jenasaurus]

mind you if he goes alone and stays over then comes back to Op she may as well have gone as he will be mixing with them and then her.

[BigChocFrenzy]

"Other than refusing to go, nothing more I can do than go along."

You can refuse to go
Your body, your choice

He can go alone
His body, his choice

[puffinkoala]

The bubble is only for single people so your husband can't go and stay anyway. He can go and see them in their garden, or wait until the rules change.

I don't know enough medicine to know if you are genuinely vulnerable, but it's academic anyway because of the above.

[mocktail]

I would refuse to do and stay at home with my child, as I wouldn't break the law. if he chooses to go he's an adult and you can't stop him, but you absolutely do have a choice

[PuppyMonkey]

Seems to be so many people assuming the guidance issued solely for single people living on their own/single parents actually applies to couples/families/anyone who feels like forming a bubble.

[user1476476979]

@callmeadoctor

You do have a choice OP.......................... You don't have to what your partner tells you?

Other than refusing to go, nothing more I can do than go along. It would be wonderful if I could just do what I wanted!

[starfish4]

As others have said, we're not meant to be forming bubbles with anyone other than a single person. How far away do they live? Can they drive? Just wondering if it'd be an option to meet middway for a picnic and walk (obviously checking there's toilets nearby).

I'm working but can distance and use gloves, wash hands/use santizer as much as I need, but I wouldn't be comfortable with going into someone's house at the moment vice versa. It's more from the point of view, I want to keep my distance and would be worried about spreading it to someone as it'd be impossible not to touch surfaces in another home.

[callmeadoctor]

You do have a choice OP.......................... You don't have to what your partner tells you?

[user1476476979]

Thankyou. It’s too far for garden visits and he has had enough.

I guess I could say go alone or I could keep my distance.

[MrsWombat]

YANBU to not want to extend your bubble because it can only be with a single person/parent. Not a set of grandparents. He can't go and stay with his parents without breaking the law.

However, he can go and see them and visit in their garden, and it is not unreasonable for him to do that.

[user1476476979]

Thankyou for your insight. I think as I don’t have a choice, the best bet is to keep my distance and remind myself risk is low.

I can’t change others’ decisions but I can reduce my own risk.

[JellyBabiesSaveLives]

That’s not forming a bubble, that’s just breaking the law.

[Raaaa]

I can see both sides, he wants to see his parents and for them to see grandchild and also many people now just aren't abiding by the rules anyway so he may think well who cares. You've got your concerns/health issues and as others have said it's not allowed yet. Maybe at a minimum just try and stay apart and if everyone has been self isolating anyway I'm sure the risk would be low

[tootyfruitypickle]

I also don’t think you’re overly anxious fwiw

[getoffmysocks]

As others have said it's not allowed anyway, only a single adult can form a bubble with another household. Is he suggesting following the advice of meeting outside at 2 metres? If he is then the risk is minimal and I would support that and go with him. People have been allowed to meet with others in this way for weeks so can understand why he too would want to see his parents. If he's talking about seeing them and acting as normal then yes with underlying health conditions I would be wary and push for him to see them more safely.
In case he does go though op if your ILs have been isolating the risk should be minimal.

[tootyfruitypickle]

You’re right to be uncomfortable , it’s against the rules and it’s not on, he shouldn’t be making you go when it’s clearly againsT guidelines . It won’t be long until it’s permitted and that will be when the risk is lower .