Parent-shaming over sending children back to school

[KayBee183]

Has anyone else been on the receiving end of quite nasty judgement or shaming for saying they'll be sending their child back to school or nursery on 1 June?

Parent-shaming levels do feel particularly high at the moment...

Do you find it upsetting?

[GameSetMatch]

I have a year one son, I’m so torn whether to send him to school or not, he really wants to go even though most of his class aren’t going back. I think I’m going to chance it but I know people will all have an opinion on my choice as I’m a SAHM.

[AlabamaArkansas]

Oh god yes. I'm desperate for mine to go back though.

[theneverendinglaundry]

Yes apparently some of the mums in my group chat 'haven't had one bored moment in lockdown due to all the wonderful schoolwork they've been doing".

Good for you.

Meanwhile, I have daily strops from my son over work, lasting up to 2 hours. Every. Day. Since the schools closed. I am emotionally drained.

I've also "shocked" people that I'm sending my youngest to nursery next week.

[knittingaddict]

My daughter was the first one in the school group chat to say that she would send her children when the schools reopened. Everyone else had said before that they wouldn't be sending theirs. After she posted there was a string of parents agreeing with her.

A few days later she was contacted by the school to ask if shew would like to send them in full time. True to her word, they are now back at school.

It's a difficult decision in some ways, but on balance it's the right one for them.

[Useruseruserusee]

@Legallybleachblonde

My DS5 is going back on Monday. Any decision I make regarding him I base on my gut feeling of the situation. At his infant school, only Reception are going back (not Year 1) and the kids are being put into 'bubbles' of no more than 15, with each bubble having their own drop off and pick up times. The communications from the school have been excellent throughout and based on this and the science, I am happy for him to go back on Monday.

I don’t know if you are aware, but the government produced EYFS guidelines over the bank holiday weekend that states the bubble should be 8 or less in reception.

[Mrhodgeymaheg]

I am so glad I'm not in the class WhatsApp group. It sounds dreadful.

Yes, sending mine in. I make it clear that we are both key workers (I work from home, but considered a keyworker by government guidelines) and it is impossible to work with both a 5 year old and one year old at home. It's not a case of health before wealth with us - we will all have neither mental or physical health if things continue as they are and probably no relationship left either! I find those who are furloughed and are SAHP are more likely to not understand why people would send their kids back, but they haven't tried being a FT employee, teacher, cleaner and childminder all rolled into one! They haven't had to just leave their kids to amuse themselves and have no attention while they attempt a FT job which has impacted their well-being. I would only listen to people in the same position as you.

[shirleyschmidt]

Hi OP. No I haven't directly received any comments and luckily those I've discussed with have been very supportive 😊
I've seen more generalized 'you're not using MY child as a guinea pig!' shaming online, and can honestly say I don't give a shit. Let them parent their kids, and you judge how best to care for yours.

Some of the hysterics and rudeness shown by other people only reaffirms why not to care about their opinion.

[Mrhodgeymaheg]

*I meant wealth before health 🤦

[TheSultanofPingu]

I clean in a school. I've seen how much planning and hard work has gone into preparing the school ready for opening, maybe next week.
My children are older, but I would absolutely send them back without hesitation. Every school is different obviously, but I would imagine the vast majority will be working their butts off to make the school safe and enjoyable for the children attending. I do get why some parents will be keeping children at home though. Nobody should be judging anyone for making a different decision to them.

[Gazelda]

My MIL, on a FaceTime chat, said that she's sure we won't be risking g sending DD to school.
She said this in front of DD.
DD knows that we'll be sending her to school when it opens for her year group.
Now DD is possibly privately wondering why Gran is worried about the risks, but we (her parents) aren't. 😡
We've been open with DD about our thought process, although it helps that she's currently Y7 so doubtless not going back until Sept.
but I was angry at MIL for voicing her opinion in front of DD.

[polexiaaphrodesia]

We are sending DS back into preschool next week. One of the mums on the WhatsApp group said she was glad people were sending their kids in so they could be guinea pigs so they could be sure it was safe before sending their DD back. There seems to be a rather large divide in opinion between people who have to go work and people who are SAHP/furloughed.

[DominaShantotto]

Like I say - mine are going back and I'm finished my uni term now so a SAHP. My child with diagnosed SEN has regressed in her speech phonology a good year and a half (and was already markedly speech delayed) from just being around immediate family who can understand her much easier than the interactions with peers; isn't sleeping; is tearful, emotional and very very subdued - and is going back for those reasons alone (couldn't give a shit about the finer intricacies of the primary curriculum right now).

If they were coping with lockdown I'd gladly keep them at home - I was doing a pretty decent job with home learning (I'm an ex primary teacher so I would hope I was still competent!) and enjoying having my little people around... but they need what I can't provide - the interaction with their own age group, the space to run around on the school playground (even zoned into 4 groups for those within the school it's still a fucktonne bigger than our postage stamp garden) and just to be partially part of their school community again.

The only parents I've judged in this are the ones who've turned their FB into some kind of mummy-instagram worthy show with primary school style wall displays in a spare room in their large houses they've turned into a designated "classroom" - where everything is adult led and staged just for social media - kids at home... kids at school - not my problem, not my business - what's right for us isn't right for everyone at the moment.

Best friend I have among the school parents has a child in the age groups able to return and has chosen not to - she's glad mine are going back as it's what mine clearly need, I'm glad she's got hers at home and is happy with that - and the world has continued turning.

[Epigram]

I was on a zoom call yesterday with a group of friends with kids at different schools. We hadn't known each other's opinions before but the inevitable question was asked. I was very happy that there was a mixture of responses and no shaming. We all need to accept others' views on this.

[Remmy123]

Son's nursery whatsapp group were mainly 'it's too early' - seen said parents in park with other families not social distancing.

I did my own research, spoke to many healthcare professionals I know.

Made my own decision and took myself off the group.

[QueenofmyPrinces]

Where I live, parents are being shamed for not wanting to send the children back.

The mothers who are sending their children back are being quite nasty to mothers who aren’t by telling them they’re ridiculous, over protective, dramatic, etc etc - and just generally belittling them.

It’s really unpleasant reading.

[toomanypillows]

I don't agree about this furlough /working divide theory. I think that's too simplistic.
I'm wfh - Monday to Friday and DH is out at work. We aren't sending DS back to school for reasons that we are happy with. But it's very very difficult for us to do, and I'm probably working an extra 10-12 hours a week just to coast.
I've not seen any nastiness or commentary (outside of Facebook threads on news/media posts) but I just wanted to add that it's not as simple as keeping them home because it's easy. It would be much easier for me to send DS in.

[Dontforgetyourbrolly]

I dont do social media thank God, but I've had lots of passive aggressive behaviour from other mums . They have asked me what I've decided and when I tell them ds is going back I've had lots of head tilts, patronising voices and daily mail sad faces . I dont really care though , I'm happy and ds is happy with going back to school so they can do one!

[bobby335]

Yes, I've been made to feel guilty by family members plus when reading comments / posts on SM. I think it's easing off a bit now. . I think the worst ones I've seen were letters from headteachers posted online where they've made it very clear how unhappy they are about the decision. This is then followed up with lots of comments from parents in agreement. Any of those parents wanting to send their child back probably wouldn't dare to say so! 😒

[milkysmum]

My two have been in throughout in keyworker provision. My Y6 dd was looking forward to her friends returning next week but the local authority have said yesterday that they are not supporting the opening for others so looks like it will be just the 4 keyworkers kids for a while longer!

[whatshappeninginthisworld]

@ScarfLadysBag well said! I agree with you

[GrumpySausage]

When it was first announced our school WhatsApp group was very vocal 'not risking my child's life' and I kept quiet as my ds had been going in as a keyworker child anyway.

But then when school sent out a form asking for our preferences, the tone had changed completely and they were all discussing what days suit them.

I have a distant family member on who on Facebook has said she will not be sending her children and she's amazed any self respecting parent would so I've avoided the question from that side of the family if asked. I've also unfollowed my family member. I don't need her judgement.

[GrumpySausage]

On the flip side I have a close friend who isn't sending her daughter back. She simply doesn't wish to at the moment and feels her daughter is happy and settled at home right now. Thats her choice and I applaud her for being confident in it. She hasn't felt the need to crow about it on Facebook.

[Somewhereinthesky]

I just think sending/not sending shaming is the reflection of their guilt. People are worried, whatever their choice is.

[pellesco]

I've had the opposite, one of DCs friends parents is trying to guilt trip us into sending him. They are telling us their DS doesn't want to go back if our DS isn't. I think everyone has to do what they feel is right for them.

[Cathy1984]

I haven't been personally "shamed" but I am struggling with the amount of anti-return to school/our children are in great danger type posts on social media. I have no choice because I am a key worker. My kids have to go back (and have been back a day a week since after Easter.) Makes me feel very judged and inadequate 🙄