My DFs comments - AIBU to think this is bonkers?

[lockdowngandt]

So DF is only coming up to his 50s and generally healthy/works is in good shape and active - this is relevant so no one assumes he might be elderly and/or of limited faculties.
I know him and DM have been missing seeing their only DGC - my DCs as they haven't seen them since about 2 weeks before lockdown begun. I've seen them about 3 times from a distance either through their fence or from end of driveway and had a quick chat.
Video chatting is a bit limited as DCs are both under 5 so attention span is non existent and they have a minute on and run off to play.

Spoke to DF today and he asked if I've maybe thought about coming over with DCs soon, I pointed out that we are still partly in lockdown (me and DH either WFH/furloughed and just pop out for groceries and are otherwise staying put) and we will have to wait and see what gets announced.
The thing is I know even if I popped over and the plan was to keep DCs in the garden so DPs can see them through the window/have a little chat and socially distance I know for a fact they would find an excuse to come out and ignore the distancing/open the bifold Windows and sooner or later break the rules to suit themselves.

So I basically said let's wait and see what the announcements bring. DF said its fine to visit as we are all related and have and I quote "the same antibodies" as each other so we and DCs would cope fine if we did catch it - he thinks he has already had it earlier in the year (which is a possibility) and recovered ok so there shouldn't be a risk.

AIBU to think this is a completely bonkers statement?! I asked him how can he say something like that like its a fact and he said he has been on this earth quite a few more years than me and knows some things.
To me he's basically saying his need to see my DCs trumps their health and wellbeing because and I quote again "even if they did catch it they'd be fine and recover because we all have the same antibodies" .

I am currently sat here wondering if lockdown has made him loose his mind...
Not to mention

• he's still working so not isolating or really self distancing with colleagues (self employed)
• he cannot be certain he did have it

Am I overreacting?

[greenlynx]

His ideas are complete nonsense. He just wanted to emphasise that he’s healthy and strong so obviously his grandchildren will be healthy and strong as well. Next time tell him that they go after their father in terms of antibodies, you know this for sure.

I wouldn’t go for a visit if you suspect that your parents won’t follow the rules, in my experience they won’t. And it might put you in a very difficult position in front of your children. I would only do whatever you are comfortable with.
Of course the virus won’t disappear next week and even next month but daily cases go down so you might be absolutely comfortable with seeing your parents in a couple of weeks.

[Daisy169]

YANBU. Completely bonkers. I've told mine we'll wait a few weeks and reassess /hope the guidelines change. I'd want to hug my DM nevermind my kids!

[OhTheRoses]

His antibody theory is wrong and indicates he is not knowledgeable. He is encouraging rule breaking and setting a poor example to your dc.

Whilst I think the risks are minimal I (and my family) are playing to the rules.

[T0tallyFuckedUpFamily]

It’s not just about you giving it to him or him so reading it to your family, it’s about preventing it from spreading to others in your community and putting them at risk. Posters are acting as if the two families have no responsibility to those outside their family circle. It’s doesn’t work like that. If they are silent carriers, then they risk infecting others.

I think you’re being very sensible about this, OP and he’s just going to have to suck it up, the way the rest us are.

[Connie222]

I really can't believe that people are so afraid of such a tiny risk that they would actually think it's better for grandparents not to have the joy of seeing their grandchildren. If you feel that way, at what point does that change?

Never for me. The only people I actually care about when it comes down to it are my children. My dad is 85, has had three cancers in the last four years. He’ll probably never see them again. That’s just how it is, I’m afraid.

(I know I am spectacularly cold and harsh though and probably in the minority with my thinking).

[Connie222]

And their I were the grandparent? I’d suck it up. Put their health before me and my need to see them.

[Goatymcgoaty]

Sounds like your parents still think of you as a child they can control.

Also quite odd how some posters are laying in to you about not letting the grandkids and grandparents interact. Are these the same posters screaming on another thread, about how unreasonable people are being by breaking the rules and going in to another households garden?

We’re seeing my father for a 10 minute chat at 2m on his driveway. That’s what’s on offer, and my word goes. It’s not in the children’s best interests to have lifelong guilt if grandad died and “probably caught it from us”. My children are older and able to make that connection.

[InvisibleWomenMustBeRead]

He's totally wrong, however I do think that those who have continued to work outside the home during lockdown have a different attitude to those who have completely locked down. Perhaps it's because things still seem normal to them, I'm not sure, but I have definitely noticed this pattern.

[lockdowngandt]

Thanks everyone.

You might be right @InvisibleWomenMustBeRead but he should be even more careful, he's self employed and in and out of people's houses and/or gardens. Even if he wasn't affected he can be a prime carrier.

I'm still sticking to my decision and waiting for guidelines to be changed before I see them. They're not elderly or particularly at risk or of ill health and have plenty of time to still see them once the guidelines are lifted.
And at any point anyone could have a car accident/heart attack/enter whatever unexpected condition/accident you want here regardless of age @TheDailyCarbuncle it's a silly argument to bring into this and it won't guilt me into going to see them. If one of them was on their deathbed given a few weeks to live and it was our last chance to see them then of course I would visit with DCs regardless (providing it wasn't contagious of course) but arguing that they can all of a sudden die is a pretty low blow and can be taken to even sillier proportions e.g. - what if we are in a car accident on the way to see them after they successfully pressured me to visit?

[TheDailyCarbuncle]

I didn't mean it to be a low blow @lockdowngandt - my point was that there are all sorts of risks out there and on the scale of things the covid one is very tiny. It's your choice not to see him of course but if you're doing it only because you're terrified of the virus I would say two things:

1. the virus isn't going away so even if they change the guidance that doesn't mean it'll be any more or less 'safe' than it is now
   
2. Sometimes you have to think about whether to cost of avoiding a risk is really worth it. If it is, then so be it.

[Windyatthebeach]

I read an interesting article about identicle twins. They had 50 %identical symptoms of CV and 50 % random other.
2600 sets of twins have data in a medical study to research diseases /medical conditions etc. Very fascinating!

[Quarantino]

1) the virus isn't going away so even if they change the guidance that doesn't mean it'll be any more or less 'safe' than it is now.

Your statement is incorrect. The level of risk changes all the time.

[TabbyMumz]

Do you think he meant the same "genes", so believes if he recovered, so will you?

[lockdowngandt]

@TabbyMumz they've read some health fad books in the past and likes to read these health related articles from more obscure authors a lot about more natural ways to be healthy / recover from illnesses/conditions and so on so he knows his terms - he meant antibodies but probably means we all have the same because we are related which is bs.
And we don't actually know for sure if he has already had it - he suspects he had because he came down with something nasty a few months ago at the beginning of the year and recovered at home in about a week but it's not been confirmed/he hasn't been tested so he shouldn't be trying to use that as some form of weird "proof" that there's no risk to us

I'm popping over next week to drop of a gift for my DB who still lives there and I can imagine DF will be once again pressuring me to bring DCs with me.
I think he's trying to return to normality especially since he's been working throughout and it's probably not much different for him but I think it all just sounds like all his view and opinion and it's selfish.

[lockdowngandt]

And sorry the wasn't for you but rather for his blizzare argument.

[B1rdbra1n]

His argument is 'I'm right because I say I'm right'
Which is like something out of Alice in Wonderland
make your own decisions and humour the fool