Please, Please help me. I don’t know what to do :(

[GabyAby84]

I genuinely feel like I’ve been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m frightened and I’m struggling to cope.

I’m a 34 year old female.
BMI 32, I have psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis and mild asthma.
I was diagnosed many years ago, and since being diagnosed there have been several periods where I don’t take inhalers at all. I’m currently taking them again due to the ongoing pandemic.

I live with my husband he’s working from home.

We don’t leave the house unless it’s to use click and collect service for our shopping, but we get deliveries where we can.

I feel like I’m doing everything I can to avoid getting the virus but yet from the minute I wake up to the minute I go back to sleep, I’m in complete panic that I’ve caught it.

I literally cannot think of anything else.
I take my temperature several times a day, I’m worried I’ve got a cough or will develop one. Any slight throat tickle, body ache, or even feeling tired all just send me into a frenzy.

Every single day I feel like I have the biggest darkest cloud just looming over me.

I just cannot pick myself up from this.

I have a lovely group of friends and most weeks we have a girls night in. We do this over zoom and all make the effort to get ourselves glammed up, have a glass of wine and chat.

I’m starting to not even enjoy those, the girls all talk about future plans and things they’re excited about doing again, but i struggle to joint in as I don’t see a future for myself. I just feel like it’s a matter of time until my time is up.

I went for a walk a few days ago and as I came to the railway bridge I suddenly thought how easy it would be to jump, to end all of this constant worry and fear.

It frightened me so much as I’ve never ever felt like that before.

I’ve spoken to a Dr and they’ve suggested anti depressants and referred me for some counselling.

But that’s only going to help me come to terms with things. I’ve got to just learn to live like this haven’t I.
But how can I? It feels like complete and utter torture spending my days the way I do.

The days are just too hard. I’m driving myself, and my husband insane with my constant fear, crying and panic.

I know there will be a lot of people who are worried right now, I’m not alone.
But please please someone tell me how you manage?

I don’t see any point to my life right now.
I see no future.

I’ve stopped getting dressed and my days are just spend in my Pjs on the sofa waiting for symptoms to start and preparing to die. :(

Please someone tell me how to get over this, because I honestly don’t think I ever can or will.

[EducatingArti]

You ARE catastrophising your risk of getting ill. It is not as high a risk as you are thinking right now. The medication will help you to calm down the anxiety and see a less distorted view of the risk but it may take a few weeks to work fully.

[emmskie03]

Take the meds.

If you can, see if you can organise some over the phone or zoom counselling. NHS counselling will take some time. Private counselling was one of the best things I have ever done.

Stay off the hysterical mumsnet threads. Thd risk of dying from Coronavirus is low. Yes, there is a risk but there's always been risks. You just haven't thought about them I.e flu.

My husband appears to have recently had and recovered from Coronavirus. Me and the kids were fine. He was unwell and we were concerned about whether I would start to show symptoms as I have a pretty serious underlying risk. I'm fine. In fact hoping that was it!

You'll be ok. The most important thing for you right now is to take action to manage your mental health x

[woodpidgeons]

OP I can relate. I've been going through horrible anxiety due to the pandemic. Mine centres on fear for my Family. I already suffered from mild anxiety but nothing on this level. I was extremely unwell, barely eating, barely able to get out of bed (felt like I couldn't and would lie shaking for hours), constant panic attacks, crying. I am still unwell tbh, with fears and low motivation to get things done.
I know you've said you'll take the medication, that's good. I was scared to take it at first because I had never been on antidepressants before. They started helping quite quickly, and although I'm nowhere near better, they have made a huge difference. I haven't cried or had a panic attack since a few days after I started. Feel calmer and thinking clearer. I'm on citalopram too. Been in counselling for years.
Still waiting on my motivation and get up and go to return, but hoping as it's been 3 weeks.

I know how unbearable it feels. Do you have supportive family and friends?? My 'D'P kept telling me to pull myself together and that he wouldn't tolerate me being on medication and wouldn't help out, but my father and sister have been mostly very supportive from afar and I needed that. Do you have anyone??

I can't speak for you obviously, but the bridge thing, it doesn't sound like you want to do anything, it sounds like a reaction to how unbearably difficult the anxiety feels and the uncertainty of the situation. I get that. You want the anxiety to end not you. I actually started hearing like random words and phrases and images coming into my head, like tv catchphrases or random sentences nothing to do with anything. Think it was my brain trying to take over and distract from panic attacks. Doctor wasn't concerned.

Please come back and let us know how you get on. I wish you recovery from this horrible anxiety, you shouldn't have to feel like this.

[thewheelsonthebus23]

This sounds like health anxiety. I’ve had it for years.

[MitziK]

PsA inflammation affects your mood, too. It's a known aspect. It was one of the reasons why I was offered the opportunity to switch to Humira.


You don't have to have a swollen knee or painful shoulder for it to be affecting how you feel emotionally. It's a sneaky bastarding disease like that.


If at all possible, at least see if you can have blood tests to check your CRP and ESR. I don't know if they are available right now, but it's worth asking, as if inflammation is causing it, treating that will help.

[GabyAby84]

@MitziK I’m not having a flare of my joints.

I don’t think the way I am feeling is related to my Psa.

I will call my rheumatologist to discuss.

I will ask them about being unmedicated and any additional risks with CV.

[Randomnessembraced]

Dear OP - I have some friends with health anxiety and they feel the same and openly discuss it with me. All I can do is listen and reassure them. One is doing lots of Yoga, including breathing exercises, has cut out all stimulants (eg coffee, alcohol) and is starting to feel better. Take the medication if you can and lots of therapists are offering online zoom sessions. Yogic breathing is really good for the lungs too and may even help strengthen them for Covid 19. Be kind to yourself and take whatever will help you. This is not a time to hold back on medication if you are struggling.

[MitziK]

The timescale between coming off the meds and feeling awful is textbook for a flare.

There are medications you can take that aren't harmful in pregnancy.

[GabyAby84]

@damnyankee

I sort of understand the "med-free" thing, but if you had an ear infection or strep throat, would you turn down the anti-biotics? I'd say thoughts as dark as yours have been warrant some medical intervention.


I came off my rheumatology medication at the beginning of the year under the guidance of my rheumatologist.
My arthritis was in a good condition and I wanted to start a family so this is what was the best choice for me.

I will be taking the anti depressants, I don’t have any problems with taking mediations :)

[DamnYankee]

*symbols for certain side-effects

Anyway, then I could walk away and not dwell on whatever it was

[DamnYankee]

And the diary doesn't have to be prosy, either. I kept mine in my planner and marked down a face (happy, sad, flat affect) and symbols for different symbols, like NA for "no appetite," or I/N for "insomnia." I'd continue that symbol until the effect went away. It helped me see how far I'd come and determine if the side effects were minimal and ultimately right for me. Not all A/Ds work for all people.

[DamnYankee]

CV is a fact, but the catastrophizing and anxiety are huge liars.
This is what you should do when you can't stop your head from spiraling. When the broken record starts ("But I could die...), do something physical. Take a shower, pull up weeds, even drink a glass of water. It takes some willpower, but it works.
Also keep an A/D diary. Write down any side-effects, lift of mood, decrease in appetite and length of said effects. A/D's can take a while to get into your system, as many posters have mentioned.
I sort of understand the "med-free" thing, but if you had an ear infection or strep throat, would you turn down the anti-biotics? I'd say thoughts as dark as yours have been warrant some medical intervention.

[pinkoneblueone]

As an asthmatic who has had the virus it's awful but we survived it. The media are scaremongering us and there are deaths being registered as the virus which actually may not be the virus which is what is making it more scary. You will be ok. It's uncomfortable, it's sore but there is help there if you get sick. You are being cautious which is all anyone can do.

I would speak to the doctor again take the medicine, I lived off Kalms for about a month while I was sick my anxiety made me feel worse and I didn't sleep properly because of it. So get the help now as there is no shame in admitting you need it. You are not alone in this!

[sundaymorningfeeling]

You sound like I did when I had quite severe depression and anxiety.

Take the antidepressants and don't worry if they make you feel a bit strange for a few days. Take them.

They won't take the fear away, we all have the fears if I'm honest and that is entirely normal. But they should help reduce the fear from being so consuming and allow you to function and think through things with more clarity.

It will, I promise, get better. I too was in pjs, wouldn't go out, didn't enjoy speaking to friends etc. One month on tablets and I was coping a lot better, in small ways to start with.

I took them for a few months and it helped.

[MitziK]

@GabyAby84 Biologics aren't immunosuppressants, technically. My one is an anti-TNF medication.

I'm not shielding because I'm on Humira - as per my Rheumatology Team, who confirmed that I am not at significantly increased risk as a result.

[GabyAby84]

Inkpaperstars - this is what I’m struggling with so much. Am I catasrophizing my actual risk? I keep trying to be rational but the way I feel I just can’t seem to do that.

I genuinely feel so at risk and I can’t seem to tell myself otherwise.

I feel so terrible. I want to live, I really do.
When I thought about jumping off the bridge I scared myself so much. I knew I didn’t want to do it, but the thought of escaping this fear, the awful thoughts, the panic. That’s what made me feel like jumping.

I hope the medication is my answer to escaping them

[Inkpaperstars]

As eeyore says your perception of the risk CV poses to you, and how much your brain responds to that perception, will change. In addition the actual risk will almost certainly lessen as more is learnt about the illness and treatments or even a vaccine emerge. If you are advised to shield, then you can do that for now at least.

Your poor brain has gone into an overdrive reaction. I have been there and it is horrible so I really feel for you. But I promise how you feel now is not based on any external reality or objective risk, it is a neurological process in your own mind that can and will be soothed.

I have found when I have been really bad with this type of thing that initially it seems that any improvement is impossible. The worries seem like immoveable realities and your responses feel uncontrollable. But actually although it seems that way, it really isn't. I have never woken up and suddenly been better, but if you take medication and try to challenge your thoughts and behaviours, things gradually improve. One day you suddenly realise you have done something you wouldn't have done the week before, and then a month after that you realise you've just done something without worry that would have seemed impossible not long ago.

It might not take you that long. But however long it takes, you will recover. You won't always feel this anxiety, I promise you. You have a future.

[GabyAby84]

@mitzik

By the way, you might actually be better off on biologics - the thing that is causing a lot of the fear is what is called a cytokine storm, where the immune response goes into overdrive - taking them could be reducing the likelihood of that happening

I don’t think that’s the way it works.
I had a telephone consultation with my rheumatology team last week and had told them a lot of people with Psa were shielding and should I be doing the same.
She told me that people on immunosuppressants should shield as it means that the virus is more likely to replicate due to suppressed immune response being on the medication.

That’s what I was told anyway.

[ppeatfruit]

Taking Evening Primrose Oil twice a day and St John's Wort have been known to help with anxiety too.

[MitziK]

By the way, you might actually be better off on biologics - the thing that is causing a lot of the fear is what is called a cytokine storm, where the immune response goes into overdrive - taking them could be reducing the likelihood of that happening. Humira is, according to lot of experts, also safe in pregnancy; it's used off label by private fertility clinics where there's thought to be an immune system component to women's difficulty in conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy - they wouldn't be doing that if they thought it was incompatible with pregnancy.

[MitziK]

Increased disease activity affects your emotional state. Not just because of pain or skin plaques, it affects your mood.


When I wasn't on anything due to a change of hospital, I was a complete wreck, literally to the point of bawling my eyes out at the medical staff - one steroid shot later and I'm happily sitting at home, munching on a ton of lovely tapas/mezze by teatime.

I'm now on Biologics with the occasional steroid shot. My mood can still dip when I'm due for my next injection, but I never feel that awful anxiety and doom anymore.


You need to ask for a referral to Rheumatology/Dermatology (whoever is the shortest waiting time/is seeing patients, as they can both get you on the treatment pathways) to get the PsA & Psoriasis under control.


By the way, I've had the virus. It's shit, but obviously (in my case) not a death sentence.

Get the disease activity down and I can assure you that nothing will feel as bad as you do right now.

[ppeatfruit]

I don't want to go on and I do understand you want to be med. free BUT you will really have to choose a specifically healthy way of eating and living, if you want to conquer your anxiety. As I said upthread cut out alchohol (seriously)

Check out your Blood Type by Dr. Peter D'Adamo, it explains why some foods create allergies for some people and others don't. Wheat has been known to give a lot of us bad side effects . There's a brilliant book called Wheat Belly by M.D. William Davis which explains a lot. You could use the books for giving you something to DO!!!!! Good Luck!!

[Saladmakesmesad]

OP, I promise that you’re not always going to feel this way. You WILL be happy again.

Meds, CBT and exercise. Just put one foot in front of another for now, take the meds and in a while you’ll have a better day. Then a few more rubbish ones then another good one. Slowly the good days will start to outnumber the bad. You’ll feel like you’ve come out of a fog.

I absolutely promise you can and will feel better. This will pass.

[Pinksmyfavoritecolour]

I’m on citalopram it will take 10 + days for them to start helping, they will make you tired to start with, go with them though, they will help.
You are at home and you are safe, this virus is scary but try and get some perspective on it, there’s 65 million people in the UK, yes a lot of people have caught it, and yes a lot of people have sadly passed, but the percentage of people is very very low, I don’t mean be blasé or break rules, but if you follow the guidelines you should be fine, we have to have faith This will pass, be kind to yourself xx

[GabyAby84]

@tara66


I noted, quite alarmed, you said you came off your meds. because you want to start a family. Perhaps you should restore your mental health first, before having children?

The meds I came off of were for my inflammatory arthritis.

I’ve never been on antidepressants before.

I’ve never even suffered with mental health before so had no reasons to question starting a family.

It’s very scary how much my life and mental health has changed so dramatically over the last few months.

It took a while for me to even speak to a GP as I wrongly assumed most people felt like me about this pandemic.