Are you BDing enough!!!!

[QueenofVenus]

A recent discussion with my friend about why im still not pregnant surprised me, she said when she had problems conceiving a specialist told her she wasnt having enough sex! - she said they did it every other night pretty much but that wasnt classed as 'enough' she said they went and had sex 3/4 times a day every day for 5 days and it worked!!!!!!

[doulalc]

General guide (it can vary a bit where you live)....woman under 35...after about a year or so of no success (usually after already knowing ways to try and determine when you are most fertile in your cycle)....Personally, I would push for testing to start sooner once you are in your mid 30's.

When the woman is 35 or older...after about 6 months of trying without success...some may start testing sooner. Certainly for someone in their early 40's testing should begin after about 3 months of trying, if not having a pre-conception visit in the first place for some initial testing.

Important that both partners are tested, even if one or both have had previous children. Men account for a good portion of fertility issues...and secondary infertility, having problems after previous children, is not uncommon for either partner. This often surprises people because they figure since they have had a child before it shouldn't be so difficult to do so again.

[LaTrucha]

Hmm. Thanks. DO you know when couples are deemed to be having problems conceiving requiring further investigation?

[doulalc]

Just a few, other than the usual such as age(of which men can be effected), maybe weight for some women, and lifestyle...although many of these can be due to the previous in some cases:

• fluctuations in hormone levels...low progesterone or high prolactin for example
  
• condition of fallopian tubes....perhaps any previous inflammation
  
• endometrium issues...for example,a break down in the proliferative phase of the menstrual cycle would effect the regeneration of the endometrium
  
• irregular ovulation...regular periods do no guarantee regular ovulation, and ovulation predictor kits, for example, let you know your body is preparing for ovulation, but not that it actually did that cycle
  
• morphology of sperm....a great many are often not of a quality or shape that would lead to conception. Too many of poor quality can effect the odds in any given cycle.
  
• motility....many have no sense of direction
  
• how quickly does the semen change to allow sperm to pass
  
• too much semen, too little semen
  
  Thankfully, for most couples, sooner or later everything will fall into place at the same time.

[LaTrucha]

Soory to hijack but have a question for doulalc. What other kinds of factor would prevent conception?

[doulalc]

For many couples every other day, or every 2-3 days, is fine...and it was thought that if you had sex too often it would lower sperm count to a point that pregnancy would be inhibited. Too frequent sex may be an issue if there is a known count factor, but it is not a problem for most men as even though there will be a decrease in numbers after frequent ejaculations, numbers are still high enough to achieve pregnancy.

By having more frequent sessions around the time of ovulation, it is now thought that you are more likely to insure that a larger number of quality sperm are present at the time of ovulation. There may be fewer, but they are likely to have better morphology and motility. Sperm are always in various states of production, so fairly frequent release is not going to be a concern for most couples.

Now 3-4 times a day may be over kill, but if you can keep up, it is not likely to be a problem when it is around the time of suspected ovulation.

It is important to remember, however, that timing is just one factor in achieving pregnancy. This is why it can take many couples up to a year or so with active trying. Just one component being off in any given cycle can mean no success. This is why you might have one couple who falls pregnant after sex just 3 times that month and another who have sex 3 times a week, but it takes them 8 months to fall pregnant.

[Thandeka]

The month I fell we had sex 3 or 4 times every 12 hours so evening morning evening morning. I knew i was ovulating then but it was more than the 1 a day we usually did. Sadly it ended in MMC but now am defo going to try for more around ov. I reckon there is something in it.....

....Trouble is lots of sex can leave you sore I find and since I dont have a regular ovulation day we tend to start on day 14 (i dont tend to ov til 17+) but by day 24..... owiee!

[MrsHappy]

I've seen interviews with specialists where they cite cases of people not having enough sex, but invariably those people were doing it once or so a month (and presumably had no clue about ovulation). I have heard of a couple - both medics- whose schedule was so hectic that in the end they went for IVF...

It is often not helpful to have sex every day, even where there isn't a male factor. This is because the sperm need a clear 24-48 hours to replenish. What LaTrucha says is also apparently true - saving up sperm for a long period makes them weaker. Therefore the ideal is to have sex every 2-3 days so that within a few months you should hit your fertile time bang on. This is why when your DH goes for a sperm test or freeze sperm they will tell him to refrain from ejaculating for 48 or 72 hours beforehand, to get the best sample possible.

[fifitot]

That's daft. The sperm just has to be there for when the egg is released. You don't need to do it that much if you know roughly when you ov.

I think medics tell us just to have lots of sex as they think we are daft and don't know our cycles and all the fertility info we build up on sites like this! I think they give that advice about tons of sex to ensure that you don't miss your fertile 'window'. However any Mumsnetter who is TTC probably knows the second she ovs, not just the window!

Just doing it a few times around the 'right time' should be enough.

[LaTrucha]

The more sperm 'used' the more is made and recently made sperm is stronger. So 'saved up' sperm is weaker.

That's what I've heard.

[wasabipeanut]

3 to 4 times a day??? Hells bells. This does run contrary to the idea that if you go at it like bunnies his swimmers will just get knackered and fail to hit the target!

[dcb]

Erm after trying 'quite hard' for 6 months we got a bit fed up so decided to have a 'month off' as it were. Only did it once mid cycle, not planned but spontaneously and now up the duff....

who knows?

[DawnAS]

I wouldn't listen to what they say - the month we conceived, we did it 3 times. Once 3 days before OV, once one day before OV and once on the day of OV.

I think it's more about timing it around OVing than how many times you do it... I'd also heard that doing it too much could do more harm because the quality of the man's sperm needs time to be at it's peak.

Of course that could also be rubbish!!

[yellowflowers]

my dh would kill me if I suggested this - we find it hard enough to do the every 2 or 3 day thing.

[QueenofVenus]

Lmao - yeah youd think so janinlondon, but apparently more recent reports suggest the whole 'let the sperm build up' is wrong, i personally think that amount of sex is mad, but theres not alot to loose by trying i guess! Muffle i have an 8 year old a 6 year old and a 3 year old, and for 4 days out of 7 i have my dp's son who is 5 to take care of, i have my own part time business to run and i too like to fit in some sleep here and there were i can but i would LOVE my dp and i to have a baby together and i will do whatever i have too!!

[janinlondon]

I really think he'd be shooting blanks by the third time in the day....

[muffle]

Bit confused as I've seen advice that says don't do it every day, every other day is better, lets sperm build up or something? Is that wrong?

Sex 3/4 times a day.... when!??? What if you have a 3yo, work and have hobbies/social life and would also like some sleep?

[GorgonsGin]

D'you know, i was musing on this the other day. probably would work, but rather exhausting thinking about it.

It's bound to work with that sort of dedication (no major fertility problem excepted). But you'd have to chart your ovulation and both take five days off work at exactly the right time, keep yourself at home and hope it co-incides with your EWCM

[RaspberryBlower]

I've seen that fertility man, Professor Winston I think his name is, saying that is the first thing to ask people who are having problems.

I'm exhausted just thinking about 4 times a day for 5 days in a row!