I'm 32 and approaching the birth of our first child after trying for some time to conceive, which was extremely distressing, as many of you know.
My BIL and SIL have been trying without success, though I know they haven't been trying for 12 months, possibly half that at most. We haven't seen much of them while I've been pg. The last time we saw them was when we cooked christmas lunch, I was 15 weeks at the time and started bleeding that morning, which was upsetting and frightening, but I tried not to show how I was feeling. My SIL was very moody with me all day, lying on the sofa and more or less saying she'd have preferred to go to her parents' house, sulking when she couldn't watch what she wanted on TV (she's 37). Of course, she didn't know there was a problem, but it did leave a nasty taste in my mouth.
The problem is, I don't know how best to deal with the fact I'll have a new baby while she is still trying to conceive. I know it must be very painful for her but hope they will come and see the baby, for the sake of my dh and his brother, who is going to be an uncle. My BIL has confided that, although she is pleased for us, she has told him "how do you think I am going to feel when we go to see the baby?". I can completely understand her feelings, but wish I didn't know she had said this, I'm going to feel awful when she comes to visit.
Do you think I should discuss it with her? I don't think she knows we also tried for some time (longer than they have been trying), I wonder whether she would welcome the chance to discuss it, or whether my sympathy wouldn't be welcome. I have no idea whether she knows that her husband has told us they are TTC - I'd have been livid if I'd have thought my dh had been sharing our woes with other people. I don't know whether I'm being selfish expecting her to be pleased for us, or rather, not to be so moody with me - it makes me feel guilty for being happy and takes the edge off the celebrations
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what to say to my SIL?
12 replies
mogwai · 25/04/2005 18:52
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