New to mumsnet. TTC for 9 months :(

[Sawiia]

Hi all,

I'm 27 and me and my fiancé have been TTC for 9 months. AF has appeared today and I have been a wreck so decided to join looking for some support.

I've never been an emotional person. I'm very optimistic, logical and positive but for some reason I'm really not coping with TTC. I've spent a good few hours crying today because AF has come and I spend every waking moment thinking about being pregnant and, more so, how I'm not yet!

Hoping this will help me see I'm not alone and that this is normal.

Thanks xx

[Slug123]

@sunshineandshowers3 it did and it didn't because I think i was fooling myself hoping there'd be a quick, easy fix to make it happen for us :/

I'm the same as you, I hate not knowing and it scares me so much!

We're both 28.

My mom is one of the only people I've told too for the same reason and that is exactly her reaction too

Yeah, loads. And loads are currently pregnant. I'm getting to the point where theres a few friends who have got pregnant and given birth since we started trying :/

[sunshineandshowers3]

Glad you’ve gone for all the relevant tests. Did it initially make you feel better when they found nothing? I’m a bit of a control freak and hate not knowing what is going on inside my own body.

How old are you both? I’m 28 and my DP is 30. Haven’t been for tests yet, but will be enquiring and calling GP in the new year.

We haven’t really told anyone either. My Mum knows though as I am very close to her. I know she means well but she always says the old cliches like “it’ll happen when you relax/stop thinking about it/least expect it” etc. She conceived first month with my brother and second month with me. I know she’s trying to help but it’s still frustrating when she can’t fully understand.

Do many of your friends have children? xx

[Slug123]

@sunshineandshowers3 I don't mind you asking at all :)

I had day 21 bloods done earlier this year and OH had SA done too. Both came back completely fine. I then had external and internal ultrasounds a month or so ago and, again, no problems at all. So, unfortunately, we have to just keep trying and hoping for the best.

Have you had any tests?

It definitely isn't talked about enough. I haven't really told anyone we're trying so its been a huge help for me xx

[sunshineandshowers3]

Thanks for the reply @Slug123 - so sorry to hear you haven’t had positives news yet 😔. It completely and utterly sucks doesn’t it? If you don’t mind me asking, have you had tests yet and if so, found any potential problems?

I don’t think it’s spoken enough about how lonely ttc is. MN is a massive help and somewhere to offload if you don’t want to burden family and friends and are a private person (like me) xxx

[Slug123]

Hi @sunshineandshowers3!

OP here. No success from me I'm afraid and now on cycle 19 of TTC 😔

I hope you have better luck!

[sunshineandshowers3]

Not sure how often anyone comes on this thread but I’ve hit the ttc for 9 months landmark and wondered if you ladies ahead of me have had any success stories yet? Really hope so! 😊xx

[Slug123]

@Positevibes sorry for the late response. I do a few days before! In due to ov Monday and woke up feeling nauseous yesterday so expecting a positive opk the next couple of days.

[Positevibes]

Bit random but does anyone else get random bouts of nausea around ovulation? Might just be me 😂 I've only really noticed it's at the time of ovulation since I started tracking my cycles 🤢 feeling pretty green at the moment but I'm meant to ovulate tomorrow 🤞

[LAG1986]

@bootsyjam thank you so much for your posts. This is a worry myself and my partner have. Did a home test kit and appeared to have low count. So we've boosted the vitamins and diet underway. This gives so much hope. Cant thank you enough.

[rocknrosie]

@slug123 I had the HSG done and the next month fell pregnant. Turns out I had a blockage in my tubes x

[Slug123]

@rocknrosie Congratulations! That's great news. Did you have any tests and did they reveal anything or did it just take time?

[Positevibes]

@rocknrosie congratulations 🎉

[Positevibes]

@Slug123 @MrsMeow2019 I'll mention SMEP to my OH and see what he thinks. I've had a chat with the doctor this morning my blood tests came back normal so we just need to keep going. She said I need to contact them if I have a 3rd chemical pregnancy/early loss as I can then be referred for tests sooner than the usual year wait.

I've ordered some OPKs just to see if the app I'm using it calculating my ovulation correctly.

I feel much better after talking to the doctor though she was really lovely.

[rocknrosie]

hey!

i'm currently 20w but it took me and my OH 4 years of TTC to get this on :). unfortunately, until 1 year the doctors can't do anything or look into it as thats their minimum cut off. dont rush perfection x

[Slug123]

@MrsMeow2019 One other thing, don't worry too much about your BMI. My BMI has always been really high, it's 27 when I'm at my target weight and a size 10 so just take it with a pinch of salt, it doesn't work for everyone

[Slug123]

@MrsMeow2019 I have heard of that actually, was thinking of trying that this month!

My main tips would be:

1. Don't calorie count, just eat lots of healthy food. If you're hungry, eat! The whole basis of slimming world is essentially, if you're ensuring you're eating lots of healthy foods and getting proportions right (1/3 low calorie veg, 1/3 carbs, 1/3 protein) you'll end up with a calorie deficit. When I first started slimming world all my colleagues would watch me eat all day and say, 'there is no way you can lose weight and eat that much!' After a few months and a stone and a half they were asking for recipes haha!
   
   
2. Keep a food diary of everything that passes your lips! It's impossible to remember everything you eat in a day.
   
   
3. Enjoy cooking, plan and cook too much. Find recipes that you really fancy and write a shopping list from those instead of waiting for the day. That way you always have the right food in the house and have minimal waste at the end of the week. Also, if you cook too much you can have leftovers for lunch so less likely to grab a sandwich or something
   
   
4. Have a cheat day every week. Every week I have one day where I don't track a thing and just eat everything I want. That way if I really want chocolate one day I find I have the will power not to have it because I know come Saturday (or whichever day I've chosen) I can eat all the chocolate I want.
   
   Hope that helps!

[MrsMeow2019]

@Slug123 and @Positevibes SMEP is the sperm meets egg plan, I think it was something that was originally developed for women who've had a miscarriage and are ttc afterwards. You basically have sex every other day from CD8 and once you get a positive OPK change to daily for three days then skip a day and one last BD. TBH we did find it a bit much and I don't think it's worked as AF due tomorrow and am getting cramps, did a test and got a BFP on a FRER so chances are minimal now.

@slug123 that amazing! You're self control sounds amazing and you've inspired me to hvae a good think about my diet. My BMI is 26 and really I need to shift a stone (and am sure that will be the fertility clinic's advice). I'm going to write myself a diet and exercise plan today! Do you have any tips/ words of wisdom to help?

[Slug123]

@MrsMeow2019 I was wondering what SMEP was as well, glad you asked

@Positevibes I've been doing Slimming World for that long now I can't remember how not to do it! I got to my target weight in November after losing just over 3 stone. Since then I've stayed within a few pounds over and since we've been in lock down I have been so good. Thought it would be a really good opportunity to focus on my weight without the temptation of office treats and social food/ drinks. I've had no naughty food, only a few drinks here and there and exercising most days. Got back to my target weight 2 weeks ago and decided to keep going so I was a few pounds under to give myself some flexibility to start having a few treats again but then last week had a 2 pound gain out of nowhere. Really got me down as AF came the day after (and yes, I had convinced myself the 2lb gain was because I was pregnant- haha! ) and I think that's why I've struggled even more with AF this month. Feel like a failure ont wo counts! I then assumed it was because of AF and would have a loss this week so kept at it but stayed the same weight! So god knows what's going on. DF thinks it's because I'm working out so much as physically you can see it coming off of me, my tummy has basically disappeared over the last four weeks and all my clothes are getting baggy haha!

My main motivation for getting to target was getting pregnant in the first place and I (foolishly) assumed it would happen quickly because we both have a good diet as a result of me being on slimming world. Lot's of fresh fruit and veg in every meal, low alcohol etc.

I do completely agree with you re giving you something to focus on. I'm a complete control freak and TTC is so out of my control that it's nice to have something I know so well and enjoy that I can control 100% throughout both TTC and the pandemic!

[Positevibes]

@MrsMeow2019 Thanks we're probably going a bit overboard 😂. What's SMEP? I've never heard of it x

@Slug123 I joined weight watchers about a week and a half ago got my second weigh in on Thursday doing online only at home (not that you can do much else currently) but I'm really enjoying it so far and it's taking my mind off constantly thinking about baby making.

[MrsMeow2019]

@Positevibes good luck in your fertile week! We tried smep this month which was a challenge ! Now in the rest period / 2ww 😆

@Slug123 you’re so good! I keep thinking I need to joint a slimming club to help me, I went to weight watchers a few years ago and lost 2 stone but have piled most of it back on :(

[bootsyjam]

Thanks Positivevibes, it was definitely a (pleasant) surprise when I got the results. I think the urologist was surprised it had gone as high as it did so quickly.

@slug123 Happy to help! Apologies, it's a long post as there were lots of things to do:)

I really want to emphasise the words of the urologist once again. If you have a high sperm/motility count similar to mine, and there are no problems with female side of things then pregnancy should happen quickly. Boosting sperm count and motility MASSIVELYincreases the chances of pregnancy. Also, the higher the reading of healthy sperm then the less chance there is of miscarriage (which at my age was even more of a worry).
Also, when I got the reading of 48,000 it was made clear to me that if I continued doing the same thing then this number would carry on increasing. There's obviously a limit but you really can go VERY high.


I think all of the following things worked in conjunction with each other. Doing one aspect and not the other would reduce the effectiveness of the results.

1. Tech
   As I said to the urologist (and he agreed), if you think that all of this is overkill then imagine this scenario. Imagine you're walking round all day with a mobile phone next to your balls. Or a wireless router generating a wireless signal next to your balls. Think that would affect your sperm? Of course it would. So once you've established that this is an issue then you should reduce your exposure to mobile phone/internet signals.
   
   I work from home and sit about 1 metre away from a wireless router that was always beaming out a wireless signal. First thing I did-turned off the wireless.
   Go wired 24 hours a day for your internet. I bought this to go into the TV in another room. There are lots of different lengths available. See how many ports your wireless router has at the back. www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00HL862QK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o03_s00?psc=1&ie=UTF8&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
   
   Mobile phones: keep 6ft+ away from you. If sitting on couch throw it on floor/table and make sure it's not close. If walking around and they're in your pocket then put them on airplane mode until they're out of your pocket and placed away from you. If having the phone in with you at night then put it on airplane mode. If you need to have it on for emergencies then put it outside your bedroom where you will still be able to hear it.
   
   Laptops-wired only. Do not work with the laptop on your lap and near your balls, even with wired internet!
   
   Maybe all that is a bit much but the basic idea is clear-try to turn your wireless off as much as you can. Keep everything away from your balls.
   
   
2. Exercise
   You need to keep your balls cool.
   No physical activity that raises your temperature for extended amounts of time. So long distance running/long distance type exercise is not a good idea. The urologist told me not to cycle AT ALL. I continued going to the gym but I did short and intense workouts with rest periods between sets to allow me to stay cool. Exercise is good for you obviously! Oh yes-also wear loose fitting underwear. No tight briefs and cycling shorts. Boxer shorts are ideal.
   
   
3. Ejaculation
   One of the simplest things you can to to improve your sperm quality and motility is to make sure to ejaculate every 2-5 days. Keeps them fresh. Scientific studies have shown that sperm quality greatly increases just by doing this one thing.
   
   
4. Diet
   The long one!
   Cut down on booze (don't have to give up entirely).
   Stop smoking.
   Give up caffeine.
   Doing all of these things are scientifically proven to help sperm quality.
   
   In terms of food there are lots of websites that can give you detailed info to increase your healthy sperm. I'll tell you what I did in detail.
   Basically-eat a good diet-lots of vegetables as you would expect. I think it's a diet that is high in anti oxidants but your website searches will give more details.
   
   I) Eat lots of fresh fruit and veg. The top foods to eat are berries (blueberries and blackberries are best but any berry will do) and dark leafy greens. So lots of broccoli and kale. We started roasting both of those and they taste amazing with a bit of olive oil-even the kale which tastes like seaweed from a Chinese restaurant as it crisps up really well (make sure it's dry first). Spinach is also good-didn't roast that though.
   II) Orange foods are also important. Carrots, oranges, satsumas, clementines, orange peppers, sweet potatoes. Look up other ones.
   III) Snacks-dark chocolate and walnuts. Almonds.
   IV) Have a salad sometimes, preferably with homemade vinaigrette with lots of healthy garlic in it. I added raw fennel all the time as well, along with beetroot, tomatoes, spring onion, tomatoes, lettuce, orange peppers etc. They were big salads:)
   
   I can eat the same stuff every day and be quite happy so I'm lucky in that respect.
   Every morning I would make a blueberry and frozen spinach smoothie mixed in with soaked porridge oats. Add some banana to add some creaminess. Important to note that I did not add milk because there are some studies that show that there is the possibility that the good things in the good foods (the anti oxidants) might attach themselves to the milk/fat cells so they don't get absorbed.
   So it's not too exciting-I didn't add any milk but look at oat/almond milk (NOT SOY) if you want to.
   Also when eating dairy just make sure you do it between your healthy meals so it doesn't interfere with the absorption of all the good stuff.
   Do not eat tofu and do not consume soy milk. Soy sauce occasionally is fine.
   
   I also made big vats of pea and mint soup (chop and sweat onions and garlic until soft, add peas, and water and veg stock and boil for 20 minutes). Then add the fresh mint when it's all finished and then blend with hand blender. For a further health boost I also would chop up and add a whole head of broccoli and chuck a few carrots in at the start as well. You can add extra flavour with chillis/chilli flakes and black pepper as well. It makes a really nice thick and great tasting soup when blended. I have to say that I made this pretty much every week. This was my secret weapon I think, it was so full of good stuff:)
   
   Every time you have a meal just think of something that you need to eat that's good for you and your sperm, even if it's just a bit of broccoli or something. If you don't do that already and you start doing this then it makes a big difference. BTW broccoli is an outstanding food-look it up. If not a huge fan try roasting it like the kale, it really tastes amazingly good!
   
   All of this does sound extreme, but even if you adopt just a few things/ideas from this list then you will be giving yourselves a decent boost. Especially if your partner's sperm count has a much higher starting point than mine which is more than likely!

[Positevibes]

@bootsyjam it's nice to have a male perspective for a change. Thank you for sharing. Congratulations on your baby news

[Slug123]

@bootsyjam Thank you so much, it's nice to hear things from a mans perspective and definitely good food for thought. Do you have any tips we can pass on to our OH's? Any go to foods etc? I've ordered some vitamins for us both on a recommendation of friend.

[bootsyjam]

Sorry to hijack the thread, am an older bloke (40s) who managed to conceive 'quite' quickly. But it wasn't as simple as that as it turned out I had a low sperm/motility count and even though we weren't actively TTC'ing for a few years, nothing was actually happening. Hence the sperm test and everything that happened after that.

To start with, it's important to understand that there are 2 of you in when TTC'ing! Are you all assuming that your fella is a strong and virile individual with supersperm? They might well be, but they also might not be.

The simple fact is that your eggs are your eggs and unless there are exceptional cases/issues then it's up to the sperm to get there. They need to be healthy and strong and have as little defects as possible in order to cut down on the risk of miscarriages. So it's up to us as men to improve our sperm in terms of their genetic strength as well as their ability to get to the egg. Kind of like training for a long march:)

When I had my initial test I had a score of 8000. Sorry but I forget what the test was for-I think it was for sperm motility and a few other things.
The important thing is that it was a terrible score. The average is 20,000 and at the levels I was at we wouldn't even be able to have done IVF. I went to see the urologist after these tests and he said that whilst this was low there was not much to worry about as it's possible to greatly improve levels as long as there weren't underlying health conditions which I was also tested for (came up negative).

So I went away with his advice ringing in my ears, also looked up what foods and things to do on online and 3 months later had another test. My sperm levels had increased from 8,000 to......48,000 in three months. Remember that the average is 20,000.
The urologist was obviously elated (and so was I), and said that at those levels that he would have expected us to get pregnant in less than 6 months. He could have said less than 3 months to be honest but I'm trying to give a bit of leeway.

As it happened it took us exactly one month, along with utilising the tool that measures when you are most likely to conceive.
Because the very simple fact is that if you are of normal health with normal eggs and you have what is essentially a massively high sperm/motility count then you're going to conceive VERY quickly. It's really that simple. And as you can see, it's up to the man too.

I know I've been a bit vague on some of the precise medical things, would have to dig the letters out to give precise details.

But the most important message I would like to get across to you all is that it is important for the man to play his part as well.
You can MASSIVELY boost sperm count, and therefore the chance to get pregnant, by cutting some things from your diet and eating more of other things along with some behavioural changes.

Speaking as a bloke it was great to know that I could actively do something and boost the chances of conception rather than sitting around and just crossing my fingers. Some of your partners will be a bit like that so hopefully they might react in the same way:)

[ChokkaBlock]

It is very hard and heart breaking to get AF every month when you're trying. Worse when people announce their pregnancies after coming off the pill only a couple of months. It took me 3 years to conceive and I'm older (late 30s) so you have time and age on your side. Sending you baby dust and I certainly hope you get there. Good luck