<<<<<<<<<<PSSSST MANUKA!>>>>>>>>>

[licketysplit]

Seeing as you seem to have been popping in and out of here for the last few days, it seems the best way to find you!

Did you know that Big J and The Piccolo Chickens are playing in Leeds this Saturday!!! At The Wardrobe in St Peters Square!

[manuka]

Glad you're feeling better. Life is just too shite sometimes isn't it?!! Great you have your lovely horse for therapy! Going for a ride always used to totally clear my head! soon as my sorry ass back is better -when dd can walk probably- I shall be back in the saddle!

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Oh, and I am feeling alot better already. .xx

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Thanks for your suggestions Manuka. I didn't realise you also had an interest in Healing/Spirituality.

I did have a Healer visit me and perform a ceremony for DH a few years ago as our old house was being sold and there were lots of unexplainable "goings on" which made me feel very sad and worried about possibly leaving DH in the house for it's new occupants, which I didn't want to do.

Anyway, she prayed with me for DH to find peace and to join our loved ones who have died previously. It seemd to work and the mystery of the moving candles (long story) was resolved.

I don't feel like I need to go down that route again right now, but if I do in the future I will certainly be asking you for some more information.

Thanks for your interest and support. It's not always easy to talk to people in RL (with the exception of SP of coure) about these things and it's good to know there are people out there who understand.

[manuka]

You clearly have an extremely strong soul connection which must go back through many many lives.
After reading the Brian Weiss books I met a wonderful healer woman who taught me meditations and past life regression and healing. She could help to heal the connection between you and dh1 so that you can feel 'here now' and so will he and in that way when you meet again it will be easier. It will help him to know you can still love eachother even though you are with someone else at the moment.
I've had AMAZING experiences through healing with this lady. She works on the phone now you don't have to see her. It's very weird but very very helpful.
My email address is [email protected] if you want her details or more info about her drop me a line.
Sending you lots of love to help you feel better!! xxxxxxxxx
(also I've got a cd by a great spiritual master talking about what love really is in order to help us to not be possesive. Its at a friend's at the mo but if its somethng you're interested in I'll get a copy for you and you can summon dh1 to come forward and listen to it with you!)

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Thanks for that Manuka. I haven't heard of him, but will look out for that book.

I've had many experiences of DH1 being with me. No visuals but lots of sounds, smells and things moving/going bump in the night and feeling him get into bed with me! I'd give anything to see him again, even if just a fleeting glimpse.

The big thing I have is that DH1 was very posessive and jealous. He was even known to drop his sax and jump off stage if he saw a bloke talking to me .

We talked a few times about "what if I/you die". I always said, as you do, that I would want him to be happy again and that would involve him finding someone else to be with. He on the other hand, couldn't accept me doing the same and quite categorically (?) said that I was never to be with another man.
He wasn't nasty about it. He loved me so much that it terrified him to imagine that possibility. I also think he knew he would die soon, although no one else did, and he had to consider the reality of me and our daughter being with another man.

Our relationship was so short (4 years& 4 months to the day) but incredibly instense and during that time I was truly adored in a way I have never been before or since and if I never am again that's ok, because I don't believe many people are lucky enough to have such a degree of adoration.

Don't know where this all came from and I'm sorry to all those looking for TTC posts.

I think that's my therapy session over.

I'm bloody crying again now!!!

[manuka]

I think your first husband will know how you're feeling and I'm sure he is sad to see you upset. I only say this because of my own experiences with my grandad who is 'dead' but I've seen him since and my grandma so I know they can hear our thoughts.
Love is a strange one. I bet if it was the other way round, you 'dead' and dh1 still here, you would love him so much you would want him to be happy and experiencing love and companionship with another. He will be happy and relieved that you're with a good man.
Have you heard of Brian Weiss? He is a psychiatrist who accidentally regressed patients into previous lives. Very sceptical and scientific at first, he went on to do some tremendous research and helped hundreds of people.
His books might help you to see that DH1 is not 'dead' just in the 'waiting room' and that he has probably been many things in many lives with you and you'l see him again and that dh2 is a similar thing.
I hope that doesn't sound too completely ridiculous. Check out his first book Many Lives Many Masters.

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It's seriously hard. It messes your head up big time. I have regular dreams about having to chose one or other of them and about them finding out about each other for the first time. All very strange. When I got pregnant with DH 2 I had awful guilty dreams about having to tell DH 1. I hope that doesn't sound like I gave birth to my own husband! But you know what I mean.

It will settle down again soon, I'm sure. My horse is a lovely distraction.

[manuka]

Sorry to hear that Madold. I can't imagine how it must be to experience that. Must be hard to love two people at the same time?? Hope your horse cheers you up a bit. xxxx

[StinkyPete]

bless his heart .
i've just bitten dh's head off and stormed upstairs sigh

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Thanks Stinky. Up to my neck in it here. P is on a 3 day conference/piss up in Birmingham!

That's not a bad thing though, when I sobbed dropping him off at the station this morning he thought it was because I was going to miss him so much! LOL, silly man.

I'll give you a ring tomorrow.xx

[StinkyPete]

thought so. call me tonight if you want. could meet up if you want?

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They're supposed to doing another one there in September Manuka. You'll have to keep an eye out and write it in your diary in plenty of time to get yourself organised!

It was a total blast from the past! All the guys (well the only orininal 2 Julian and Ed) look exactly the same. J was very sweet and we had a lovely chat about DH and DD1.

It has stirred me up more than a little if I'm honest though. What with that and the CD Stinky made me. All my emotions are brimming over in a way I didn't expect after 11 years. I keep finding myself in floods of tears.[sniff]

[manuka]

I'm very jealous!!! Glad you had lots of fun though!!!

[StinkyPete]

and i got to bf dd in my sleep and lay in til 9.44!!! off to ikea of all places,
see you soon

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God! I look like Amy Winehouse this morning.

The hair might have been a good idea yesterday but having slept a bit drunkenly on it it's exploded.

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Sorry if I'm slurring! Just back from the gig! Band was ace, dancing was lovely Cobra beer was schmashing!

Thanks for an ace time StinkyPete.

[manuka]

I was looking forward to meeting you!!! Hope it's a great night! Off to bed now what a boring old bag!!!!

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We'''''ll have a good time!!

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Oh Bummer. I was going to play a game of "Spot the Manuka"!

Well have a fab time on your behalf

Thanks for the parking hints.x

[manuka]

you can park right outside the Wardrobe or there's a carpark about 50yards down the road from there. When you get into Leeds follow signs for the Playhouse and The Wardrobe is next to it. (Opposite bus station)
I can't go cos I'm so tired I'm half asleep already! My child-free friends are going. buggers!
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!

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Good thinking Batwoman!

So where's St Peters square and where's the nearest place to park? I'm crap in Leeds, all that one way system blows my tiny mind.

[manuka]

A hearty can of Red Bull should help!! and a curry - very stimulating!!

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Ha ha! The shame of it. I've done the same. I lose all sense of decorum after a few jars.

The thing that's worrying me is that they're not on til 10pm! That's about my bed time. I'll have to have some pro~plus and go steady on the vino or I'll be asleep on the dance floor instead of shaking my tail feathers!

[manuka]

I hope my mum can babysit! Would be great to meet you!!
Hope that John bloke on guitar doesn't think I still fancy him ha ha!!!! god that would be embarrassing!
I told him I liked him and HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! NNNOOOOOO TOOOOO EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!
Many years ago though!

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Or stalking even. The excitement's getting to me already.