should I have a baby?

[granolacrayons]

Hi there, postdoctoral research scientist and I'm on a fixed-term research contract at a Russell group university and I am thinking about having a baby very soon (I'm 32). I am worried about losing my job and the quality of life my family would have. I have to leave my house at 6:30 am and return at about 6:30 pm due to my commute, do you think that this would be hard to do with a baby? Myself and my husband work in different cities, and we live in a small town in between. We have no family close by. I am finding my work life very difficult as it is, I am stressed and in tears most days, this is probably mostly due to the insecurity of my situation. We have discussed moving closer to one of the cities but because of the insecurity of our contracts, we are worried about losing our jobs and not being able to afford the larger mortgage and it would mean that one person would have an extremely long commute.

I work in a very male-dominated field, and the very few examples I've seen of working mothers in the department, make me feel very worried. One postdoc was expected to come to meetings and work throughout her maternity leave. She was in the office writing papers and coming to meetings 2 weeks after giving birth even though she officially took 6 months off. She was scared of her contract not being renewed. Other mothers have not had their contracts renewed or projects were cut short. Not 100% this was due to them being pregnant, but talk in the department is that this is the underlying reason.

I've been trying to get a permanent job in either industry or academia in a more practical location, so I could take some decent maternity leave, but I've been rejected over and over again. I don't know if I should have a baby now or wait until my husband and I can get permanent work in the same city. Has anyone else here experienced anything similar?

[heateallthebuns]

Well you will probably have to change job / take a career break or your husband will. It doesn't sound feasible to look after a baby in your current set up. Or could you retrain in something? A pgce only takes a year and is funded.

[Onlyaplasticbagdear]

I personally wouldn't want to have a baby with that length of commute, I would burn out really really fast.

It IS doable of course but for me it just would be feasible.

[Onlyaplasticbagdear]

Is your partner on a decent salary??

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Hi OP - I don't have many solutions for you but lots of sympathy for the predicament! I had very similar concerns, particularly about having a baby on a fixed-term contract: you can probably find the thread (I got some really helpful advice) if you search under my username. I have both some advantages you don't (I can work from home quite often; I'm pretty certain my immediate boss would be very supportive) and some disadvantages (there isn't really an industry equivalent of my field, so a lot fewer job options). I've just had a very early miscarriage, unfortunately - but that was the first thing that really and truly clarified my feelings. When I found out I was pregnant I did have a 'I have thrown my career away' panic, but I was still thrilled and excited for the pregnancy. I knew then that I'd made the right decision and, although that pregnancy sadly wasn't to be, I actually feel happier and less conflicted about trying to conceive now.

On the fixed-contract thing (which is the part of your post I most strongly identify with):

1. It's easy to imagine that everyone else around you is in secure jobs. They may not be. I've known several people who have found themselves completely unexpectedly redundant. If people only had a baby when they were certain they'd still have a job in two years' time no one would have one.
   
2. Yes, an insecure job makes things harder - but it also means it's even less worth making sacrifices. Ultimately, I feel like even if I don't have a baby there's a pretty significant chance that I'll never make the leap from fixed-term contracts to a permanent academic job. I'm not really willing to take the risk of that happening and having given up my dreams of children for my job.

[UndersecretaryofWhimsy]

I hope you sort it out granola. But something in your current setup will almost certainly have to give. Are you in touch with any specialist agencies/sources of information on how to make the jump from academia to industry?

Also, you can take your postgraduate education and PhD off your CV. I'm just saying. You probably are right that it's holding you back in non-academic fields and honestly if you want a family right now you'd be better off with a low-level permanent civilian job with regular hours and proper leave.

Academia + family is very hard unless you already have a permanent senior position, extensive family support, or a spouse able and willing to become a SAHP or take a substantial career pause.

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

Here's the thread I mentioned:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2726765-To-have-decided-to-have-a-baby-while-on-a-temporary-contract