Ttc#1 Thread the 4th. TMI club of January 2016. No symptom too disgusting to share!

[StarkyTheDirewolf]

We're on the 4th thread! Oh come all ye symptom spotters! And a fertile new year!

[Chocaholic88]

I just read that with the OH. Laughed soooo hard!! He said 'game on!'

[shelbTa]

Haha that's hilarious!

[Jamjar12]

Just seen an article about a new dad posting on Facebook. Some of you might have seen it so apologies and apologies it's so long but it's made me so broody!!!!
“I was congratulating myself today on how I’ve got nappy changing down to a precision art. I’m basically like a Formula One pit crew.. in fact, in many ways, I’m better, because when you’re speed-changing the tyres on Lewis Hamilton’s car he’s probably less likely to piss in your eyes and projectile shit up your arms.
so, this is what else I’ve learnt so far..
The Birth.
– I used to think that the theory that the moon landing was a hoax was total bollocks, just because it required a huge amount of people to share a secret. I now think it’s a distinct possibility given the conspiracy of silence about how horrendous labour is.. The labour suite is like being in ‘Nam.. It is nothing like you see in sitcoms or film.. unless that film is Saw IV, combined with the chest bursting scene from Alien. So, to those who told me that the birth would be a magical experience.. you’re a bunch of f*cking liars. ..Labour is like magic.. but only in that its best when you don’t know how it’s done.
(In truth, the hardest thing about labour is seeing someone you love in such excruciating pain. But then Lyns did once make me sit through an episode of Downton Abbey so .. six of one, half a doz..)
The first week.
– I never knew this.. but babies breath in a jazz syncopated rhythm.. There is no set pattern to it and they stop breathing roughly every 40 seconds just long enough for you to think they’ve died.. Of all the dick moves your baby can pull, pretending that they’ve died is by far the most dickish and they do it all the time.
– A baby crying is a weird thing. During the daytime you can listen to it and think that it’s endearing and cute. …At 3am it’s like having the inside of your skull sandpapered by an angry viking.
– Baby piss in the eye really is only funny the first time and every single shit really is comically timed. The worst thing is when they do a ‘lure-shit’, then wait till you’ve got the nappy off mid-change to bring the real thunder.. It’s the same thing terrorists do when they time bombs to go off just as the emergency services arrive.
– Every item of clothing is held together with f*cking press-studs. There are three or four more press-studs than necessary just to make you look like a moron in front of your child.. who shows their disapproval by endlessly windmilling.. Dressing a windmilling baby is like trying to put a rabbit in a fcking balloon. when you tell them to stay still they ignore you or scratch their own face. they’re mental.
(I’m thinking of launching a range of baby clothing that is all velcro, based on strippers trousers. You should be able to just hold a baby in one hand, the clothes they’re wearing in the other and just separate the two with a satisfying rip.. )
– Babies at this age don’t look like anyone.. every one sits around drinking a fckload of tea and says he looks like you, or he looks like his grandad or whatever.. In truth they all look like Ross Kemp.
( well, they look like one of the Mitchell brothers anyway.. if you’ve got an ugly baby.. its Phil)
The first month.
– Throughout my adult life I’ve tried to read a book a week or so. I’m not naive I knew that I’d have less time so I thought I’d promise myself that I’d try and read a book a month.. It’s now been a couple of months and the only thing I’ve read is a pamphlet on Breast pumps. (and I’ve still not got to the end of that, I keep falling asleep during the paragraph on ‘nipple confusion’..)
– It is possible to have so little sleep that your balls hurt.
– Does anyone remember the show ‘Touch the Truck’ with Dale Winton (before he had his face retro-fitted).?. It was on Channel 5 and basically 8 contestants put their hands on a truck and the last one to keep their hands on it and stay awake won the thing. Having a baby is like being on Touch the Truck.. the only difference is that on Touch the Truck you were allowed to have a piss and something to eat every 3 hours. ..and you won a truck.
– Whether Lyns likes it or not holding the baby above your head when its naked, and singing ‘The Circle of Life’ is funny.
– Its only when you’ve just got a baby to sleep that you realise how loud your house is.. I thought our home was pretty quiet and sedate but it turns out we have a bathroom tap that sounds like Godzilla fcking a tank.
– Trying to walk round a supermarket takes ages because old women reeeally like babies and lock onto a pram with the dead-eyed tenacity of a predator drone. Dodging them is like playing Frogger. They’re wily, if there’s more than one of them you’re screwed, they’ll split up and hunt in packs like fcking raptors.
After 3 months…Now..
– The most important thing ive learnt so far is that Charlie is supremely lucky to have Lyns as his mum. She’s tough, smart, funny and in love ..and she will make sure I don’t fuck up too much. Hopefully, her DNA will also batter my genetic predisposition towards big nostrils and man-tits.
He is without reservation the greatest thing that has ever happened to us both.. (Better than completing the world cup panini sticker album which, i did in both 86 and 90). He has already removed enough of my cynicism to include this paragraph.. and I feel pretty sure that I’m going to be good at this .. because as shit, disorganised and pathetically inept as I am.. it is beyond important to me that Charlie comes to no harm. and that, as far as I can make out, is not a bad measure."

[Jamjar12]

Bubbles that looks like a good line!!!!! Congrats!!

[Feefeefs]

FX choc

[Chocaholic88]

bubbles blood test on Friday and another on Wednesday next week...

Had some odd CM last night... like EWCM but thicker and more elastic ... no idea what that means lol! So tired today and mega nauseous too!

[00Bubbles00]

Sorry, Elle your message hadn't updated when I posted mine. I totally agree, I felt like I had ages to wait. Only a few of my friends have children so I wasn't feeling like I was leaving it too late...then suddenly I started reading things and worrying as soon as we started trying. I had a bit of a panic but actually there have been lots of a wise words from older mums and I also know that any earlier would have been too soon for me (am obviously v immature).

[00Bubbles00]

Feefeefs this was another test this morning (blushes at how long the "I'm not going to test until the weekend resolution lasted)

Thanks Choc, i looked at it, had a shower, looked at it again and then couldn't quite work out if I was wishing for a line or there actually was a line. How are you feeling? Your blood tests are soon right?

[Chocaholic88]

bubbles that's a line!

[Feefeefs]

There's still a line there?

[00Bubbles00]

I'm not seeing things right, I don't think?

[00Bubbles00]

I felt really odd yesterday so decided to test again this morning to see if yesterday's really was a line or not.

[ElleSarcasmo]

Thanks for the Hilda love Starky hope your hair is sorted now!

Welcome Lou , Pugmummy Swim Lauren and Spacepoodle

Bubbles I am 34. I felt the same as you when we first started trying still do all of 2 cycles later then the wise grads came with messages of hope! Fx for us all and baby dust all round! I think for me until we started trying it wasn't even on my radar to worry there might be a problem? Hope you are feeling ok about things now.

CD5 here, feeling fat and unhealthy after Christmas! Looking forward to detoxing a bit and getting back to some exercise! I've bought a ton of OPKs, a thermometer and lots of cheapo ultra sensitive PG tests so hopefully that will be arriving this week.

[LittleBelle90]

lillianfullstop fx for this week, it seems a lucky week

[Chocaholic88]

miley 😂😂😂

[drinkyourmilk]

miley you have me cracked up at work! That's exactly how I roll!!

[Mileymoocow]

Thanks bubbles you know the old saying though. If at first you don't succeed stamp your feet, assume your baby making facilities are fucked, cry a bit, shag profusely, obsess over pissy sticks for the next month, track the egg and spend every waking minute of your life symptom spotting and being bat shit crazy

[IndiX]

Looks like we have a good plan for our Ocotober cuties miley! Excited!

[StarkyTheDirewolf]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2541857-TTC-1-Thread-5-The-one-where-we-actually-got-to-January-2016-NOW-you-can-start-TMI-alert-throughout

New thread link! Thread 5! Everyone hop on!

I'm out this afternoon with a busy day, so didn't want everybody getting lost and being scattered!

[Mileymoocow]

indi good plan. OH will think his birthdays have all come at once. Intercourse tonight dear? No no, I'll go on top

It's my birthday on Monday so I was hoping for a bfp buuuut we don't have any birthdays in either of our families in October so it would be dedicated to my baba which would be nice

[DrWhy]

Bubbles that's part of the reason I'm determined not to test until I'm officially late and since I've only had one cycle off the pull I'm giving myself an extra couple of days as I don't really know my cycle length.
Plus, I'd really rather not get a positive then AF and know I'd had a chemical pregnancy, I think I'd prefer to be in happy ignorance that I'd ever technically been pregnant in that case.
Plus, I'm trying to channel DH and his attitude of 'why does it matter at this stage?' - not very successfully I admit!

[00Bubbles00]

Sorry for AFs lovely ladies.

Indi you are right about the testing - that is exactly what I was told by my sister (who is a GP). Basically, until we've missed a period its hard to know whether its a false negative so its really difficult to not get hopes up/drive ourselves mad. Also, that until about 5/6 years ago, most people did wait until AF due date and only test afterwards. Better in some ways but not good for the crazy.

[IndiX]

Btw for anyone testing PLEASE don't listen to Ovia, ovia told me to test 3 days early and all I've done is turned in to a nut case, cried, wasted about £30 in tests to then find out I was right on track for my AF. It's hard but I'm definitely going to hold out for my due date next time. Can't wait to hear of more bfps soon!

[IndiX]

Yeah I'm hopeful for an October baby as its my birthday month too and what better present than a cute little baba! I'm going to try for a good 10-14 days shagathon just to make sure I catch the little bugger!

[BubbaNo1]

Sorry for AFs ladies... DrWhy that sounds positive!