If TTC # 2 has turned you into a nut job this thread is for you! (Part 4)

[sebsmummy1]

Hey!! We have had lots of graduates from Part 3, so let's get on the TTC bus part 4 and make this place a ghost town.

Destination Pregnancy, choooo choooooo

[zippygeorgebungle]

cake, I can't quite believe it. we seem to have such bad luck on this thread. I am so so sorry to hear it. x.

[mystorey]

Been trying for two and a half years...it's only typing it, that I realise I've been hiding my head in the sand. Had 2 mc's last year. Not good...BUT there is always next month...

[GingerbreadBabyPlease]

Ooh cross posts mystorey! Sorry to hear you are becoming nutty! Have you been trying for that long or is that DS' age? I know, it is so frustrating when you already have a child, it makes no sense that it shouldn't work again in a reasonable time frame!

[GingerbreadBabyPlease]

cake just wanted to say I am thinking of you. I hope you are holding up as well as can be expected, and looking after yourself, and getting lots of lovely cuddles from your DC. XX

keeponjuggling I am so sorry, I never replied to you! You are more than welcome to join this thread, but it does seem to have slowed down a bit recently. How old is your DC? I think ICs are a good way to go if they work for you, I was never very good at holding in my wee for the ICs so I bought some of the clearblue smiley sticks a couple of months ago, which you can use FMU for, and they have given me a few smiley faces which is reassuring. I'm not sure I'd want to splash out on the monitor, but ask me again in a few months time!! Are your cycles quite irregular then would you say?

[mystorey]

Gah! Of the many topic's I could have posted on, this seems the MOST apt. I am becoming a total nut job!!

Why why why was it so easy with DS....4 years 8 months later and he's still an only child :/

[Cakebaker35]

Thank you so much fedup, I really appreciate you sharing your experiences. I will see what's what on Monday and make some decisions then but your info has definitely helped. I hope you're doing ok, I will keep popping in to this thread to see how you and the other ladies are.

Big un-mn hugs to you all x

[fedupofrainydays]

I also should have said in both mc I bled for about a week to 10 days.
Periods were weird for a few months after erpc and norm after natural mc.
But I have also heard of people who have bleed both short and long times after both mc means and similarly both normal and unusual periods. I just think it depends on individuals own bodies and the nature of the pregnancy they lost.

[fedupofrainydays]

Ps. Am a grad of the ttc after mc thread and they are a great bunch of lovely ladies when you are ready. Still petrified I will be back there too but my mentalness and paranoia is a whole other story!

I'm currently on preg after mc thread and pleased to say there have been loads of thread babies so there is hope after mc.
S

[fedupofrainydays]

Hi cake. Well I have mc both ways. And personally preferred the natural one. But important to remember one was at 12 weeks with a huge sac (baby died ages before and had re absorbed) and I was only bleeding black stringy blood. The natural one was much earlier - bout 5.5 weeks and was like a painful period that went on a bit longer than normal.
There are so many pros and cons of both:
Erpc pros:
Means it's over with - I wanted to get move on and didn't want to potentially wait for sac to continue growing
Unlikely for any retained products
Can sometimes do tests on what they remove to find out cause of mc
Bleeding after op often v light

Cons
Requires general anaesthetic
Risks with injury to Bowel and bladder (funnily enough these were the risks they talked through with me but I didn't care about those as they would mend them, I was worried it would damage my fertility / give ashermans - which they had no risks / stats info to reassure me
It's medical not natural

Natural pros
Natural - body's way of dealing with it
No worries about surgery damage

Cons
Can take a while to complete
May not complete and need erpc after all
Pain - but can take painkillers. Co codamol is good.

There are prob others but that's my quick traffic jam summery!

I think there is no evidence as to which you recover from quickest physically as it all depends on how pregnant you were and your own body. I conceived second cycle after natural mc but 10 months after erpc BUT they were very different pregnancies.

If it was me again - if the bleeding hadn't got going after a week I think I would erpc. I went through the mill last time trying to decide what to do but doctors tell me erpc was the right thing as sac was huge. I felt emotionally exhausted trying to make the practical decision of what to do, it dominated my mc process and I didn't really grieve until afterwards.

Just so sorry you are going through this, I wish it hadn't happened for you lovely. But do ask me anything you want if I can help in anyway xx

[Cakebaker35]

Sebs thank you so much, that is really helpful. It's so sad to know so many people go through this but also a great support to be able to talk to others about it too. Wishing you all the very best and I expect I'll see you on that thread soon x

[sebsmummy1]

//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2008916-WARNING-This-thread-is-only-for-the-Posifrickentive-Grab-your-trout-gun-help-yourself-to-a-steamy-helping-of-Toad-In-The-Hole-and-head-on-in-All-new-TTC-after-MC-chin-up-tits-out-ladies?

[sebsmummy1]

Cake you might want to come and post on the TTC after mc thread as you may get more answers re D&C over natural.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2008916-WARNING-This-thread-is-only-for-the-Posifrickentive-Grab-your-trout-gun-help-yourself-to-a-steamy-helping-of-Toad-In-The-Hole-and-head-on-in-All-new-TTC-after-MC-chin-up-tits-out-ladies?

I have only experienced a natural spontaneous mc, I know my sister had a mmc, found out just before her 12 week scan and she miscarried quickly the night before.

I think having been through a mc I would say expect lots of ups and downs emotionally, particularly after the more dramatic symptoms of the mc dissipate as you are then left in WTF cycle which feels like limbo land until you get your first period. I am just about feeling ok again as I am back into my second cycle and have just walked into the 2ww, so I am looking forward again. But there was a while there where I was just flailing about in the dark and it was pretty grim.

Having a miscarriage does not impact any future pregnancies, it makes you no more likely to have another one. Unfortunately these things are extremely common but obviously totally devastating for us. Loads of hugs for you xxxx

[Cakebaker35]

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it is so hard to actually tell people as I hate to make others sad too. You're all very sweet and I really do feel like I know some of you even though of course we don't really.
It's been a rough few days, I think on the physical side I'm quite lucky as I'm not in any major pain and the bleeding is just steady, but I also know this means that things aren't really coming away yet, I was told to expect alot more than this. I go back on Monday for a follow up scan and that should tell me how much more is still to come and I guess they will discuss having a d&c with me then. I don't quite know yet whether to opt for it or not, but in some ways I do just want this to be over, the idea of bleeding for weeks is making it all harder to come to terms with. If any of you have experience of either letting nature take its course or choosing the d&c route I'd be grateful if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts.
I'm now glad to have told a few people in rl about the pregnancy as it means I now have some great support from friends and family. It is also pretty shocking to find out just how many people have experienced this too. I will stay on this thread if you don't mind as although actively ttc is out of the question for a while, I do want to keep in touch with you all and celebrate your bfps which I know will come.

Lots of love to all and thanks again for your support x

[keeponjuggling]

Sorry hit wrong button. Meant to say IC opk's and keep hoping.

My heart goes out to you all, esp Cake x

[keeponjuggling]

Cake, so sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Be kind to yourself x

Thank you fed up, I think I'm going to continue with IC

[sebsmummy1]

Omg I have just gone searching for this thread as it fell off my active list and I cannot believe the update. I am totally devastated for you Cake. I don't know what to say

[fedupofrainydays]

Sorry ginger I didn't reply to your message - how did it go at the doctors with the tests?

Hi juggling - ttc has turned us all a bit nutty! I've not used one but I know a few who have with mixed reviews. Some say they worked brilliantly, others that they have days and days of high fertility which is better than days of low I guess. I used digi opks and thought they were ok to be honest.

Gutted for you cake, I really am. Honestly have just had a little cry for you as it's just so heartbreaking. Lots of love xx

[fedupofrainydays]

Oh cake I'm so sorry to hear that. :(

Go easy on yourself please, it will be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for you and DH. After my mcs, one minute I was fine, the next in tears. I hope the physical side is ok and over as quick and pain free as possible for you. With the emotional side - that may take a bit longer and having a break from ttc is a good idea. Please do ask me if you have any mc questions as sadly having had two my experience might be of some help. Big hugs for you xxxx

[GingerbreadBabyPlease]

Oh Cake I am so sorry. That is just truly awful. I'm glad you feel a bit of relief, and were able to get scanned straight away. I think putting ttc to the back of your mind is a good idea for now, focus on recovering and making sure you yourself are going to be ok. Also hope to hear from you in the future, take care of yourself X

[PunkyBubba]

Hi Cake, as I said on the other thread I am so so sorry. It sounds daft but it feels like you are a friend and I was really upset for you last night. I hope you get the love and support you need to heal. Lots of love and hope to hear from you again in the future.xxxx

[Cakebaker35]

Hello ladies

I hope you're all doing ok. I have been lurking and am sorry to say its bad news here - I started bleeding yesterday at 10 wks and having been in for a scan today it looks like the pregnancy didn't get much beyond 6 wks and I've effectively had a missed miscarriage which is making itself known now. I was also told it was non identical twins. I felt totally devastated last night as I knew in my heart of hearts what was happening, but today having it all confirmed has just been a relief in some ways, I just needed to know what was happening in there and to rule out the dangerous stuff like ectopic etc.

I'm so sorry to share gloom but I've alway had such great support and encouragement on this thread and wanted to let you know what's what.

The idea of ttc again is very very far from my mind indeed, but I'm wishing you all lots and lots of luck. X

[keeponjuggling]

Hi ladies,

Sorry to crash in on your thread I've been lurking on and off for a while, and starting to get a bit disillusioned with TTC. We're on cycle 16 of TTC no2 and still not sure what my cylce is doing. has anyone tried using a fertility monitor and would you recommend one? they are so expensive i can't make my mind up if its worth the spend.

I haven't read through everything on here, but I really hope you're all coping ok with this TTC business, its maddening at the best of times. Keeping fingers crossed for you all getting your dream very soon.

[GingerbreadBabyPlease]

Hi ladies, how are you all doing?

Zippy how are you feeling?

Fedup is everything going ok for you?

And Punky, Cake, and Sebs if she is still reading I hope you are all ok.

I have got my blood tests on monday, but they are going to be a bit pointless I feel as it will be 3 days too early, but I wasn't able to change my appointment. Ah well, at least it will get some discussion going with my Dr.....

[GingerbreadBabyPlease]

Zippy I really sympathise with you. It's all just shit, that's all there is to say about it really. I hate how life-consuming it becomes, which is so hard when you have a happy little energetic thing running around, all you want to do is hide under the duvets and feel sorry for yourself, but you can't, you have to pick yourself up and play with lego and go to playgroups to sit and talk about being a mum and having a family.
I know it's impossible but maybe you should think of it as only a few months of trying, how long since you stopped bf? They used to use breastfeeding as a form of contraception in days gone by, so if you could think of it like that maybe it would take some of the pressure and desperation off? You have had positive results back from your tests, so this is definately something to hold on to. My DD was also conceived pretty much instantly, and for me it has been so hard to let go of the shock that this time it is taking so long. I feel like because it hasn't happened quickly again there must be something wrong, but I think we have to take each ttc as it's own journey.
I completely understand about the feeling mad! It is horrible isn't it, and you feel like no one in RL can possibly understand or even cares really. I have taken on board some of lovely fedups advice and am trying to focus on other mini projects. Next one for me is to try and give up sugar and eat super healthily. I do feel like I have given myself a bit of a break this month, and just making that decision and setting myself up for AF has been a big help, I feel more relaxed about it this month, whether it's because my EDD wouldn't be ideal, or because DH is fed up of me being miserable or I'm just sick of being miserable I don't know, but I think you need to tell yourself it's ok to give yourself some time off; have lots of wine, coffee and cake, sex for fun, and really tell yourself you're not trying and it will be ok and expected when AF arrives. ( I will probably still be an emotional wreck when AF arrives though, but I feel ok for now!)
That said, I have been using opks so I know when to book in for my tests, and got a smiley today, a day earlier than last cycle so that is positive. Now do I need to book the tests a week from today? I have got an appointment next tuesday but will that be a day too early?
Fedup I absolutely hope this time goes well for you, are you and Punky both at 8 weeks then?

[fedupofrainydays]

Ps. The 'are you thinking of expanding the family' question had (and still has) me in tears every time. Both sad and angry tears. People just don't realise what they are saying... But doesn't make it any easier to deal with, does it?