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From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Christmas

To think what's the point? Christmas

51 replies

RoastPotatoQueen · 08/12/2021 11:45

DH is asking for money this year for Christmas. Fair enough, he's saving up for something for his hobby and has wanted it for a very long time but has put mine and the kids needs first.

SIL/BIL are asking for money for Christmas.

MIL is also asking for money for Christmas.

Would it just make sense to tell everyone to keep their money and spend it on what they want rather than swapping money around? Apparently it goes against Christmas by doing this but it baffles me as someone is going to end up out of pocket with less money than they put in. And Nobody's even asked what I want for Christmas... not that I'm bothered

What do your families do? I need a solution!

OP posts:

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Helpstopthepain · 09/12/2021 19:55

@RoastPotatoQueen

After today I agree I'm going to leave all to DH. I'm sick to the teeth of hearing about money from his family.

fuck them all. I'm just going to blame DH if they ask why they have nothing.

That’s what I do

RoastPotatoQueen · 09/12/2021 19:49

After today I agree I'm going to leave all to DH. I'm sick to the teeth of hearing about money from his family. fuck them all. I'm just going to blame DH if they ask why they have nothing.

OP posts:

Helpstopthepain · 09/12/2021 19:24

Why are you doing the present ‘buying’ for his family?

I would let them get on with it but I agree it’s bizarre.

VioletLemon · 09/12/2021 19:17

Yes that is a good idea.
Why not suggest a capped spend and everyone buys one gift. Take names out a hat for your person to buy for or do it via mobiles etc but only buy one non expensive gift that requires thought and a personal touch. If others don't like it I'd scrap adult presents altogether and only buy for partner. Protect your right to enjoy the break if you get one and bring back the spirit of gifting! Good luck x

flowerpotmike · 09/12/2021 17:31

My husband's family do this, it really puzzles me. Him and his sister gave his Aunt £80 to put towards a mattress and she gave them each £40 to put towards presents for the family. When I pointed out that she could have just bought her own mattress. I was told I wasn't being Christmassy. But to me there seems to be no love or thought in it.
In my family we just buy for the people we are especially close to and buy a small well thought out treat.

mellicauli · 09/12/2021 13:38

Tell your husband he'll have to sort his family out, you can't be bothered,

Twobigsapphires · 09/12/2021 12:07

No way would I gift money to adults for Xmas or birthday, although have given vouchers as birthday gifts.

Token adult gifts (wine, chocs,smelliest) only here in our house.

Fairyliz · 09/12/2021 11:35

@Kirstos1

I know it seems pointless to give someone twenty quid just to get it back but if I have put the money to one side to give someone I won't use it for an essential bill or something whereas I would if it was 'mine'. Then when I receive it for Christmas it's a present that I can actually justify treating myself with. I don't know if that makes much sense to be honest!

@Kirstos1
That makes perfect sense

I just want to know where it disappears to if you don’t give it to someone.

Sweetener12 · 09/12/2021 08:37

I agree, it doesn't make any sense. DockOTheBay is right, better switch to smaller token gifts and Smartshow 3d video cards or handmade ones and keep the money. Or maybe suggest Secret Santa so that everyone would get a proper gift with no money giving possible?

Dozer · 09/12/2021 08:15

MIL is being VU!

Dozer · 09/12/2021 08:14

Think DH and his family are U to seek yo exchange money.

We don’t exchange gifts with adult siblings/their partners, except the usual things for the hosts if meeting up in person.

Doidontimmm · 09/12/2021 08:08

That’s crazy you & DH giving her separate cash!

I’d be honest & just text and say really sorry but we don’t have much money this year so are only buying presents for DC and of course buying the Christmas dinner, I’m sure you will understand. I’d then just get her a token chocolate or wine.

RoastPotatoQueen · 09/12/2021 07:47

MIL isn't strapped for cash that I know of, I don't really know as I try not to ask. She's asked for money for about 4 years running, but I'm getting fed up of it as when DH asked for money she came out and said the same thing. She says it's so she can buy something she wants. but.... she didn't even buy DH a birthday present this year but did for SIL. So now I'm getting a bit fed up with the unfairness of it all espically as we have to shell out for Christmas dinner and stuff on top. Think I might just get her a box of chocolates and call it quits. We don't have lots of money spare and I'm quite stressed as she expects money from DH and then from myself seperate on top!

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RoastPotatoQueen · 09/12/2021 07:42

@dottiedodah

How can you give your dh money though.i mean surely, you are married so money is shared anyway. Is mil badly off .I would not imagine dm or fil asking for cash! Just say a small gift and they keep cash

I already explained a few comments down.

OP posts:

RoastPotatoQueen · 09/12/2021 07:41

@Mmmmdanone

Actually asking for money is dreadful! I sort of understand your dh's reasons but your mum? My mum would rather i got her nothing and would be horrified if I gave her cash. But then, she has way more money than me. Does everyone in the family think you have loads of money? I'd just tell everyone that it's only small gifts for adults, not cash.

We honestly struggle with money.
It's not my mum asking lol it's my mother in law. my mum expects nothing, and actually gets mad if I buy her something and tells me to keep my money for myself and the DC

OP posts:

dottiedodah · 09/12/2021 07:33

How can you give your dh money though.i mean surely, you are married so money is shared anyway. Is mil badly off .I would not imagine dm or fil asking for cash! Just say a small gift and they keep cash

Chr1stmasCarole · 09/12/2021 07:29

Yes it's silly when it gets to this point. Why not do a family secret Santa as a token then everybody keeps their own money. That's what we've ended up doing. Swapping Christmas gifts as adults often gets a bit silly and pointless if nobody really wants or needs anything.

SomethingBeginningWithX · 09/12/2021 07:21

We are having family secret santa, my pick (SIL'S new boy) has put a vibrator on his wish list

That's amazing

Mmmmdanone · 09/12/2021 07:20

Actually asking for money is dreadful! I sort of understand your dh's reasons but your mum? My mum would rather i got her nothing and would be horrified if I gave her cash. But then, she has way more money than me. Does everyone in the family think you have loads of money? I'd just tell everyone that it's only small gifts for adults, not cash.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/12/2021 07:17

Yes adults giving one another money is utterly daft. Generally though adults giving one another anything other than token consumable gifts at Christmas ends up daft... I'd rather adults only did birthday gifts as at birthdays there's only that one person in focus - its utter arbitrary nonsense giving random stuff or money to adults who buy themselves the things they actually want!

Christmas presents are a useful way to give children and teens items they can't afford and want but don't need, but where adults are all in a similar position to buy themselves things and do so throughout the year token small consumable items are far more appropriate IMO.

RoastPotatoQueen · 09/12/2021 07:10

Ohh no DH doesn't expect me to give him money that'd be weird he's asking for money off his mum and that if that makes sense. They do actually want things but it's to expensive to buy as a present so they want everyone to "chip" in. I'm going to suggest token gifts as we are buying Xmas dinner and the booze so we'd be the ones out of pocket this year if we give money away on top. That's a good idea!

OP posts:

Ylvamoon · 09/12/2021 06:58

... and that's why we don't do adults in DH or my family!
The Christmas period is about being together, having some fun as a family and good food!
We do Christmas Day as duvet family day... the weather is usually crap, kids getting up at X o'clock and waiting to play with their new toys and lots of decent films/ mini series about! You should try it, it's bliss! (We do see family & friends before/ after Christmas day)

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ViceLikeBlip · 09/12/2021 06:48

Giving money from adults to adults seems totally pointless. But then again, me and my sister often buy and wrap our own presents, then say its from "each other", and somehow that doesn't seem so pointless?! 🤷‍♀️🤣🤣

Youhaveyourhandsfull · 09/12/2021 04:37

Adult gifts are a waste of time. Just don’t do it.
Kids only here.

Floralnomad · 09/12/2021 02:04

I agree with you @RoastPotatoQueen it’s a total waste of time . I refuse to give money or vouchers .

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