Anxious 9/10 yo at bedtime

[fitnessmummy]

My child who is never usually worried or concerned about anything has suddenly become anxious at bedtime. Shes 9, almost 10. Two night ago she said she was upset because her teddys aren't real, then she said she was worried about death and said she just felt anxious and upset but didn't really know why. She's been very clingy during the daytimes, again it's not like her. I'm so worried about it and really feel upset for her although I'm not letting on at all. I've cuddled her loads and reassured her that it's normal. I've tried to see if there's anything else worrying her etc.

I don't really know what I want from this post! Is this normal? I just want her to be ok and happy and not have that dreaded feeling. I suffer with anxiety (she is unaware) and I hate to think of her feeling how I do sometimes.

I have ordered some worry books for her, I have the calm app for bedtime stories and I also have a string which is tied from her bed to mine so she knows I'm at the end of it.

Hey OP, she sounds like she is just exploring and discovering some things about life. If we are anxious and we know how difficult anxiety feels then of course we wouldn't wish that on our children but we also can not remove anxiety from their lives. We also can't control how they might approach or manage it, for all we know they may be able to tolerate it better than us but if we decide that it is intolerable for them then they don't have a chance to find out. Just allow her some space to chat these things through with you. I remember worrying about death when I was little but I had no one to speak to as my Mum wasn't approachable for stuff like this so I would have loved a little safe space at bedtime to talk things through that I couldn't say to my friends at school. Take care and she sounds like she is a lovely, curious little soul.

That's really kind thank you. I'm doing my best and I think you are quite right with what you have said. Let's hope things get better

Bumping because things don't seem much better

@fitnessmummy my 8 year old does this now and again. She seems to end up so worried that it all ends in tears.
I assumed it was normal to an extent, but I worry my dd will end up like me (i suffer from anxiety).

It only seems to happen at night time and she's worried, seems to be when she's alone with her thoughts. I can see she starts to get nervous before bedtime

Have you tried doing a specific worry time e.g. set herself a specific time to think through her worries and after that time ends, they get switched off. Helps if she can write them down and then scrunch them up and put them in a bag or bin outside the door when the worry time has ended.

This is a common development stage for this age, particularly in girls just starting puberty. As PP said, normalising feeling worried and then feeling better is really helpful. Having said all that, do have some gentle chats showing curiosity about what's going on at school, with family and friends etc. occasionally children have genuinely scary stuff going on that they turn into easier worries iykwim. My friends DD had been told by her friend that she was being abused. Instead of telling her mum about the friend, she kept saying she was having bad dreams and her tummy hurt etc. her way of showing there was something going on.

We have this behaviour from dd whenever they do things like mindfulness or wellbeing in their lessons at school. She never worries or is anxious until she gets told that she might be!

I think it's like being told how hungry you might be. After an hour of being told that you might be hungry you're probably thinking "hmm I'm pretty hungry" but if no one mentioned being hungry you wouldn't have thought about it and gone on as normal.