DD (13) self-harming and very sad

[ninja]

and I don't know what to do ...

She's scratched a big wound into her arm. I'm pretty certain she's done this before (starting at primary school) but this is the first time that she's admitted it.

It's the first time that she's talked to me and she said that she just feels sad all of the time.

Her father and I split up when she was 8 and that affected her really badly and in addition I think (although she only really talks about this now) that she was bullied at primary school.

I've contacted the pastoral head of her year at school and I'll try and phone the doctor to get an appointment. Is there anything else that I should or can do?

[ninja]

Thanks for the replies and sorry for the delay in responding - it's been a busy weekend with younger DD's birthday party on top of everything.

I now have her referred to counselling through school and the pastoral head of her year has spoken to her. She's decided to start yoga at school as well which I think will be really good for her. I haven't got an appointment at the doctor yet, but I'll try and arrange that this week now she's told her dad as well.

Toddler while it is upsetting in some ways I'm really glad that she's finally talking about things. She's obviously had things that have bothered her for years but has never admitted them. She does get anxious and with it can be quite difficult. I'm trying to see this as the start of better times.

kisathecat interesting, I don't think I've said anywhere that I think there's anything wrong with her. I know that there are parts of her life that are difficult. I did take her on an adventure last year (to see ruins in Greece which was her greatest desire). I try and listen to what she wants to do. Another parent and another child will always mean that there are some restrictions.

witchend good to hear that she was referred so quickly.

youcantgoback thanks for the advice, I'll try and rite as well as seeing the doctor.

As I say - she's now spoken to her Dad too which is really good (although part of me is concerned that he doesn't always help matters). Just hope that I can help her to feel better

[Toddlerteaplease]

Don't let her see it upsets you. I couldn't bare making my mum cry so would hide it even more. And hid it for years as an adult as I didn't want to upset her again. She was really fab when I did tell her after about 6 years

[Kisathecat]

Instead of assuming that there is something wrong with the child why not accept that her environment is not right for her and she is unable to thrive in it in her present state? I would make a 1 year plan, take her away on an adventure for a while find out who she is and what she likes and take it from there...all that being forced to fit in stuff is so negative. It's your life and it's your child's LIFE. Take the reigns and change the direction.

[SasherinSuite]

It's so very hard isn't it. My dd has been self harming for the last couple of years and we were absolutely horrified when we found out. She will be 14 next week. The one thing that has helped is understanding she does it to cope with her emotions. I have always said to her that I would never expect her to stop as I know she gets comfort from it but that she must take care of any wounds.

[Witchend]

Dd2 (12yo) had an episode I suspect was set harm (bite mark) last year combined with writing various things that meant I was very concerned.
I went straight to the GP (who knows her-she's suffered from anxiety for a few years)
He referred her immediately to CAHMS and she's just started counselling. She's in a much better place than she was when she was referred, but it really seems to be helping her.

[youcantgoback]

I'm so sorry for your DD. It's so good that she's talking to you. That means it's an ideal time to get her some support as she's more likely to engage. The first point of help is her GP.It can take a long time to get referred to CAMHS and, in my experience, the best way to speed things up, is to write to the person managing the CAMHS service in your area and make it clear your daughter needs help soon. Lots of googling needed! By putting it in writing, you formalise the request 'for the record'. The longer it takes to get an appointment, the harder it can be to keep her engaged with the councelling process. If she's been struggling for a while, she needs proper help soon as school work adds to stress as they move towards GCSEs!

Good luck and be assertive about your DD's needs.