Hyperactivity label? [titled edited by MNHQ]

[Flojobunny]

Health visitor wants to refer DD (4 yo) for hyperactivity assessment. What is it with health care professionals trying to stick kids in to boxes.
Yes she's always on the go, yes she doesn't sleep but she's my DD and that is that. No good can come of being labelled surely.

[kickassangel]

For those of you in denial, medication is the LAST thing that is suggested when a child is assessed, after everything else has been tried.

Go on the SN boards and see how desperate the parents are for support before you start victim blaming.

[tabulahrasa]

"so why is only one of my 3 ds asd" because clearly mothers with only one child with ASD were cold and distant with that child, so much so that they caused psychosis...but were perfectly fine parents with their other children. Yep that seems way more likely than that they inherited slightly different genes than their siblings. Well, if you're a French psychiatrist anyway.

[Davsmum]

Rulesgirl,

Well thats not a very 'British' thing to say is it! ;-)

[Rulesgirl]

I don't think anyone is "victim blaming" . I am always interested to try and find reasons as to why someone has problems and like all of you caring parents, want to leave no stone unturned as to what could have caused it and how it could be helped, controlled or cured by more natural means. I do not believe so called "experts" as having the final say as there are many more avenues to explore before medicating with such a strong controversial drug. So since everyone was defending themselves as to why they use the drug which they are quite right to do because they are more informed than I am, I just was asking for more information as to what parents go through in this country before making the decision to take drugs as a final resort.

[kickassangel]

And as it doesn't affect you, then why do you care? This was a discussion about how a dx can help a child, and two people who appear to have nothing to do with this have come in saying basically it's all made up.

Incredibly rude and patronizing.

When families are suffering due to a medical condition it is horrible that people think they can just talk them out if it. Are you Christian Scienceologists? Or can you teach the lame to walk and the blind to see as well?

Cos a couple of people on mn who are spouting pseudo-scientific bollocks will just magically cure all those people and make unicorns shit glitter.

[nenevomito]

My DS was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. He's still my child first and the other bits are just part of who he is.

We use some medications that help him along with speech and occupational therapy and other help and we've been able to access the help he needs in school and outside of school through his diagnosis.
He's also in mainstream school where he's doing better with one to one help.

It took over 3 years for DS to be formally diagnosed. The process involved clinical psychologist, developmental paediatrician, speech therapist, educational psychologist, occupational therapist and so on.

My general advice to people who don't have a child with ADHD is that until you do, you probably don't have a clue what you are talking about.

[Rulesgirl]

Why is it rude and patronizing for others to have an opinion. Thought that was the whole point. And I have never said that it doesn't affect me.

[ANormalOne]

as there are many more avenues to explore before medicating with such a strong controversial drug.

You think that a child is diagnosed with ADHD and automatically has a ton of drugs lobbed at them?

Drugs are the LAST option to parents, when all else fails.

[kickassangel]

Again, you seem to think that no-one has ever thought about alternatives except for your selves. Cos the experts, with decades of medical research and training, but you seem to dismiss them(where's your phd from, btw) didn't think to discuss any if this.

No, you walk in, say your kids a but jumpy and they hand you the pills.

There are months and even years of medical scrutiny. Family and school have to do assessment, other factors ruled out, therapy etc.

But a couple of people pop up on the Internet and ask if we're really sure we know about this?

[ANormalOne]

I worked with a lad who had ADHD, his 'D'M didn't give him his medication in the morning, it was left to the school to do it.

For the entire time, until his medication kicked in, he was impossible to control, he was violent, he actually stabbed a child in the thigh with a compass, aggressive towards staff and students, wouldn't sit down, wouldn't listen to anyone, would swear and spit.

He was a complete different child when he was on his medication.

[tabulahrasa]

Rulesgirl, honestly, it's well documented from many reliable reports and sources that the way the French system is set up for developmental and behavioural disorders is massively outdated compared to most other western countries, not just the UK.

"I just was asking for more information as to what parents go through in this country before making the decision to take drugs as a final resort."

Unfortunately it varies depending on the area - I've already said what the diagnosis route is in my area and it does include parenting classes, though it might be helpful to add that at at every assessment except the ones in school (where staff are interviewed) parents are also giving a background of the issues they feel their child has, the family dynamic, their parenting and anything else the assessors might think may be relevant.

After diagnosis, there are more courses run by third sector organizations on offer for everyone involved, parents, children, parents and children together, siblings...medication wouldn't be discussed until after that point and when it is discussed parents are given reading material about the medication, side effects, pros and cons and given the opportunity to discuss it with other experts and only after doing all that is medication actually prescribed on a short term basis to be reviewed.

[MammaTJ]

Why are many parents of ADHD children so defensive

Because we get sick of people saying it isn't real or that it is over diagnosed when we have to fight to get qualified people too listen to us. We really don't need people who are not qualified to judge us.

As for looking into other options, of course we do! What a stupid question! There is plenty of time to do that while awaiting referral, meeting the ADHD specialist the 1st, 2nd and 3rd times as well as a couple of visits to the OT! Then, if diagnosis is made, discussions about meds begin! Not exactly rushed in to!

[Rulesgirl]

I didn't say that none of you hadn't thought about alternatives, I actually asked what was your experiences of the process that you go through before you get to the end result. I wondered if some people might have different experiences and had successfully dealt with this condition in a different way that seems to be the norm. But apparently not.

[CissyMeldrum]

I was terrified when it was first mentioned that there was something "different" about ds1 ,scared that people would judge that I didn't produce the "perfect" child.
When he got his diagnosis nothing changed ,he is still my funny, clever , sweet little boy ,trust me having had a 3 year gap between dx and getting his statement made everything harder than it needed to be.
If you daughter needs extra help get it now while she is young ,the younger the better.

[kickassangel]

Cos butting into a conversation about one thing to force your opinions on others is rude. To sound like you think you know better than others, when it seems those people have more experience than you is patronizing.

Implying that the condition is partly or wholly due to the parents is victim blaming.

And I'm not defending something I have any guilt or issue with, I am enraged at the ignorance and arrogance of a couple of people who have pushed their unwanted opinions into a discussion that doesn't concern them.

Why don't you head over to AIBU? Start a thread called,"there was a conversation about a medical situation I know nothing about, so I thought it would be funny to goad the people an tell them it was just a made up thing which was all their fault. When that annoyed them, I asked why they were so defensive. AIBU?"

This thread is about the potential benefits and support available to families where there's a medical concern.

[minouminou]

What field, Dandelions?
I think you'll have to back yourself up a bit there.

[Rulesgirl]

Thankyou Tabul for telling me that. It sounds like a very painful experience for the whole family to go through. When my children were little you hardly ever heard of any of these conditions. I think that as it was said somewhere upthread that perhaps a lot of children were given other "labels" which were perhaps not helpful to a childs self esteem. When you hear of these conditions you tend to look back at your own children and wonder if maybe in todays society they too might have been seen as having a condition. What we called full of spirit or cant sit still for a minute could these days be seen as something different.

[minouminou]

What's non-nutritional? Water to drink and cotton wool to eat?

[AgeOfExtremes]

Let's see some actual, named experts being debunked then.

Otherwise, those of us who do know about ADHD have no way to differentiate what you're saying from the abovementioned pseudo-scientific media bollocks.

It is hard to get an ADHD diagnosis and hard to have as a disorder.

It's fundamentally a neurological disorder that affects certain aspects of self-control (like Parkinson's affects motor control) - impulsivity, attention, persistence, focus, working memory, time sense.

It's a complex thing, and those of you who are so terrified that someone might be getting away with laziness or bad parenting that you're trying to suggest a recognised medical problem doesn't really exist despite knowing little or nothing about it should be prepared to make the effort to do a lot of reading first.

Until you've done that reading, you're really no better placed to comment than someone saying that Parkinson's would be fixed by better interpersonal relationships or family therapy.

[tabulahrasa]

"I wondered if some people might have different experiences and had successfully dealt with this condition in a different way that seems to be the norm. But apparently not."

Some parents medicate, some choose not to, some try it and decide that the side effects aren't worth the benefits and stop it, some children object to taking it and stop, some of them decide to go back on it again as they realize that it was helping them, some prefer being off it.

Some parents I know think that vitamin supplements help, some that an exclusion diet (there are different ones) some have tried all that and don't feel that it made any difference.

That's just parents that I've met, I'm sure there are also many different things that people have tried...parents of children with ADHD aren't some homogenous mass that have the same experiences and opinions and parent the same way.

[minouminou]

Age - damn right it's hard to have. I could go on all day about what it's like from the inside. People think you're bouncing off the walls having a right laugh....and yes sometimes you are....but then so are most other children at some point.

What people don't get is the constant wrong-footing, or foot-in-gob, or over-sensitivity, or the shutting of the gate once the horse has bolted feeling that is your companion throughout life. The plunging nausea that you feel when you realise you'll have to do something boring, because you know that chances are you won't do/finish it and there Will Be Consequences......

That's just a start.