DD suffering anxiety, stomach pains missing heaps of school

[saffronwblue]

DD (9) started a new school in February. She found it all quite overwhelming but was managing and starting to get on top of it, I thought. She then had a couple of days off sick with a sore throat, fever etc. Back to school and then she was in sick bay with stomach pains. After weeks of doctors, blood tests, ultrasound, paediatrician etc the result is this.
They can find nothing wrong. She was quite badly constipated which they think is what caused the pain initially but has responded to a change of diet and Movicol. Every day she complains of pain, doubles over at various points. When I greet her in the morning the first thing she says is that she feels awful. The doctor suggested that she starts going back to school for two hours every day and we have been doing this. Then she comes home and lies on the couch all day. It is very hard to get her out for anything. We are seeing a psychologist next week to see if it is all anxiety related. As well as starting the new school we lost my FIL in January and have a lot of stress associated with my MIL who has Alzheimers. I work 3 days and DH full time so just managing the care for her has been a nightmare.
I haven't really got a question but would love to hear if anyone else has been through something similar. i just feel as if our lives are completely unravelling as we have a 9 year old who has just decided she would rather be home than anywhere else. Of course part of me still worries that there is something wrong medically. She is young for her age and is very sensitive and easily melts down. I keep thinking it must be my fault because I have babied her and have not helped her become more resilient. She has always been quite clingy and focused on me and I guess I have responded to that by being nurturing. Writing it all down makes me feel how miserable and desperate I am.

[ihatethecold]

it sounds like you are doing all the right things, dont beat yourself up for nuturing your child.
its sounds like you have so much you have to deal with and reading your post it looks like you are doing all the right things..
im sorry i dont have advice for you as i just mumble along with mine hoping im getting something right but i didnt want your post to be unread.
my children have gone through big changes in anxiety /behaviour when they are having a hormone surge i their body.
has the teacher tried to help you at all?

[MegGriffin]

Are the school supporting you? I found our school nurse excellent and they also have a mentor for this sort of thing.

My DD is 11 but has been suffering with anxiety on and off for years. We are at the stage now where she has had blood tests/eye tests etc and the GP thinks all her symptoms are caused by anxiety. She was referred to CAHMS a few years ago which helped a bit although did not 'cure' her problems. Her symptoms are very real to her (stomach pain/dizziness/headaches).

The school now no longer ring me and just keep her in sick bay if she develops symptoms as sending her home was not solving anything for her (or me as I work). I'm not saying this is right for you but I just wanted to sympathise and let you know I understand the desperation you feel.

[saffronwblue]

Thank you both for answering.Ihatethecold the teacher has ben fantastic. Oddly she lives in our street and has actually knocked on our door to see how DD is and drop in worksheets etc.
Meg I haven't talked it all through with the school at large. I know my daughter sits there, even in a two hour stint thinking " shall I go to sick bay?" And yes, her symptons are very real to her. She gets very hysterical angry and defensive when we suggest that the pain could be partly due to feelings.

[MegGriffin]

I can recommend a book 'what to do when we worry too much' by Bonnie Matthews, Amazon sell it £10.64 atm. This is the book CAHMS used with DD when she used to see them. I actually bought it after so that she could refer back to it. My DD's anxiety stems from emetophobia but the book covers all types of anxiety and is quite nice to work through together.

[FriedEggyAndSlippery]

If she's not fitting in at school is there any way you could homeschool for a bit? Could you manage if you gave up work? Or there is flexischooling, perhaps she could just go in for particular subjects. If this is all psychological it's really worth thinking about getting her out of a situation in which she is so miserable.