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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CM Club - AU PAIR coming at 4.30pm and wants a chat and some support........help me know what to say/not to say..............

21 replies

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:13

In short.........au pair of my 2 mindees is not happy as she's doing more hours than agreed, parents go off skiing and leave her to make beds for b&b guests, look after kids longer etc on her day off. Even weekends she's asked 'can you just this that and the other' and she has got friends and a life of her own!!!

I really feel for this girl. She's only 19 and really is working hard. Mum did mention at their meeting that she could do extra hours for extra money but au pair hasn't heard anything about the extra money and feels awkward about asking.

I've just had an email from her asking if she could come at 4.30 instead of 5 (early pickup anyway due to baby needing injections) as she would like a chat and really needs some support.

Now as much as I have my opinion and know what I'd say if I was her friend, I'm worried about what I say because of the parents using my services too.

So, what would you do? Don't want to ignore this poor girl.

Thanks

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ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 15:16

Say what you'd say to a friend but make it perfectly clear to her that you don't want her telling them she spoke to you!

She sounds like she's being taken the piss out of & it's just not right!...She shouldn't even be left on her own with the children.

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:25

I agree. Ask her if she has a contract as some of them do. We always agreed that we would pay our au pair £5 per hour for any extra stuff we asked her to do. If they aren't bringing it up, then she has to. At least they've mentioned it so they've given her a reason to ask about it!

Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:26

Thanks, that's what I feel like doing. I'm actually really on her behalf. One of the many things is that she's not supposed to work weekends so some relative is coming over to look after them at some point but mum said to au pair just before they jetted off 'oh so and so will be coming but PLEASE keep an eye on them as they aren't very clued up with kids'. Now this suggests she stays in but ITS HER DAY OFF!!!

I'm not sure what the arrangement is with this au pair but what I do know is she's doing more than she should. Not sure if this is every day but certainly 2 of the days I have them she does:

b & b breakfasts
gets kids ready
gives baby bottle, toddler breakfast
drops with me
goes to college
when parents get home after collecting from me, she baths them and puts to bed (well, I'm pretty sure she does)

All this is the NORMAL duties but she's making beds, doing much more hours with kiddies (they are only 12 weeks & 20 months) etc.

I think she needs to sort this as she's so new, if they are like this with her now, they will get worse and worse IMO.

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Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:26

Thanks MumpBump, will make sure she does

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ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 15:27

I assume if they've been away for a week she'll be due at least £200 extra!

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:29

Oh, one other point to make to her is that by the sounds of it, they are quite dependent on her, so I would have thought it highly unlikely that they would get rid of her if she does bring this up...

Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:30

Well yes, last week was a week, this one is a long weekend that they 'forgot' to TELL her about!!! I know her mum was there to help (au pairs) but that doesn't mean she's not due the money.

Poor girl (she's upset because they got loads of b&b bookings and lots of money thanks to her). Oh yeah, parents had agreed not to book b&b's in that fall on her day off the next day but guess what.......they've been cramming them in!

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Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:30

Oh no, I'm sure they won't. All I've heard is how fab she is so they won't want to loose her!

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ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 15:31

You're right if it's not stopped now it never will...Actually I'd suggest she tries to find another family as they sound ghastly!

One of my Friends Nannied for a family where the Parents regularly went off for a week at a time & they only paid her extra once!

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:31

The other thing is for her to go away at weekends so they can't just impose on her. Does she know anyone living in the area who she could stay with, even for just a couple of weekends, to make the point?

If they want her to work at weekends as well as during the week, she should ask for double time, imo!!

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:32

Whereabouts are you and she? But I'm guessing you're not in England if the parents are off skiing.

ScottishThistle · 22/03/2007 15:35

I'm sure looneytune is in the UK!

Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:36

Good points about double time and going away if doesn't want to work. I AM in England, parents fly to Austria

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Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:37

Yes - it did cross my mind after I hit "post", that they might just go on holiday a lot, rather than living near a ski area!!!

Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:38

Whereabouts in England?

Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:40

Berkshire, why?

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Mumpbump · 22/03/2007 15:46

Just wondering. Our au pair is leaving within the next couple of months and we're debating whether or not to get a new one as we are expecting no.2 (dh's no.4!) in October. If it went horribly wrong with the family and she neeed to find another family fairly quickly, I might have been able to offer her something, but if she's enrolled in a language school in Berkshire, it wouldn't work anyway as we're in Surrey. I always have a contingency plan/exit strategy worked out in advance when I have to deal with potentially contentious issues... Anyway, I'm sure it won't come to that. As I say, they sound very dependent on her!

Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 15:53

Well I know she was in another part of the country before as this isn't her first au pair job. Not sure how the whole college thing works tbh.

Right, fed baby now so off to change her nappy, write diaries then au pair should be here.

Thanks for your advice ladies

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Original poster

looneytune · 22/03/2007 17:27

Oh this poor poor girl. I had no idea how bad it was for her She looks so tired and they are totally taking the pi**. I'm in that they treat her this way when they think she's so good. She also thinks they lie to her about stuff which I must say, I've suspected they've done to me.

I've now given her the confidence that they think she's great so not to worry about speaking to them. I suggested she emails the mum saying 'can we have a chat about working hours etc' then mum will know what to expect and she really liked this idea.

I just can't get over what she's been doing for them!!!!

I may end up on here trying to find her another family!!!

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Mumpbump · 23/03/2007 11:20

I have to say that I agree from the limited info in your original post, it does sounds like they're taking the p*ss and treating her like a skivvy... I hope that it works out for her, but if not, she won't have lost much, iyswim!

Original poster

looneytune · 23/03/2007 11:45

I agree! Have you seen my latest thread? This gives you an idea of how bad it is for the poor girl!

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