Terrified of what I'll say in labour

[thisismyfirst]

I am 38 weeks, and have had lovely healthy pregnancy (physically) but very upsetting (emotionally).

I am absolutely terrified of childbirth - the pain - the 'transition stage' - all of it, and I'm most worried about what I'll say in labour. I'm worried I'll say things I don't mean. I'm worried I'll blame my DH; I'm worried I'll say I didn't want the baby in the first place; or say things that aren't true.

Does G&A, or just the pain itself, really make you say things you don't mean or that aren't true; or worse that ARE true but you wouldn't want to admit them in a million years? Please help me. I can't sleep for worrying about labour.

[Littlefish]

I just kept saying..

Am I having a baby?
Am I having it today?
Am I having a baby today?
I want to go home....
Am I having a baby?

As I was on my back in a birthing pool at the time, with dd's head crowning, I think the answer was probably quite obvious to everyone, except me .

However, I remember everything about the birth, and at no time did I feel out of control. Slightly more than a little drunk because of the gas and air, but not out of control.

As dd was born, dh says that I just turned to him and said "oh god, I've had a baby!".

[Anifrangapani]

"Tell me the clue to fucking 10 across you fucking arse" was about all I remembered.

The midwife thought I was a little odd.

[ghosty]

I loved Gas and Air so much that I insisted on taking it into the bath with me when the MW suggested a deep bath would be just the thing. The midwife was not that happy about leaving me in the bath with it so she made DH promise to stay with me the whole time so that I didn't drown.
When she came to check on us 15 minutes later she found us both completely stoned and giggling ... DH had wanted to have a try and I didn't see it as a problem ...
All that was missing was joss stick and some Pink Floyd

She was furious and she hung around for the rest of my bath with her arms crossed glaring at DH who sat there looking like a naughty school boy ...

[Teuch]

I was terrified by the whole 'loss of control' thing, far more than the pain or whatever.

But I remember thinking (at some point!) during labour that I was perfectly in control and wasn't that nice...

It was only afterwards that I realised how very surreal it all is

But no deep, dark secrets popped out and I only swore once (or twice...) and I have the volcabulary of a US Marine every other day!

[WhatSheSaid]

Bizarrely, I didn't say anything bad to dh in labour. Actually I remember slurring up at him " I really love you", like I'd had 10 pints of lager. I was off my face on pethidine at the time and feeling loved-up. Weird.

[cyteen]

lol ghosty!

[MrsBates]

You might not want gas and air. It made me puke. I had an epidural at some point but certainly never came out with loads of swearing and shouting - think if you have a good relationship you're unlikely to start blaming your husband and all that stuff - that is a TV drama script not how it usually goes in real life. Apparently I was very polite. Too focussed on breathing through the contractions to speak I think.

And although the first labour was long I sort of enjoyed it - it was exciting too. So I had my next two with no pain relief at all - at home. Try not to be too scared - if it were that bad no-one would go through it by choice more than once - and most people do. Your relief and pride when it's over will be amazing. And try not to think of each contraction - when it subsides let it go and recover in the moments between contractions. And when they become relentless, keep remembering that means you are getting to the end and the joy of meeting your baby. Good luck. It helped me to think of me and the baby doing it together so I had to stay focussed to help this little one on her/his first journey. Very emotional teamwork.

[woollyjo]

thisismyfirst - I was worried about the pain, rang the hospital from the bath (where waters had just broken) she said stop at home as long as you are comfortable...that was about 5 more mins!

Dd appeared 1.5hours later! I thought I had hours to go! Gas and air really took the edge off it for me, I also used a tens machine but by the end had it on full wack constant and couldn't feel it. I remember announcing that the G&A was empty (it wasn't), that the tens machine was crap, and that I wasn't doing it anymore right at the moment of birth.

Try not to be concerned, you will manage it.

[starkadder]

I'm not in the UK either - gave birth in Spain - and here everyone has epidurals, so I did too, and there was practically no pain at all. All very civilised. So, if you're very worried about the pain, remember there is always that option. Here in Spain they think it is barbaric and insane that in the UK everyone DOESN'T have an epidural. Obviously, a little more choice might be nice (!) but at least here you can't feel guilty about opting for complete pain relief.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

I had to have GA as I had a D&C. The surgeon came to tell me that all had gone well, just as I was coming round, and so I said to him "so you didn't find Lord Lucan then?"

He very kindly just said "no" and left me to it!

[lljkk]

My last labour I just kept saying how much I hated myself what a stupid person I was to put myself thru this AGAIN (4th baby syndrome ).

[SlinkieM]

I was worried about swearing but it hurt so much I just kept making these guttural noises like a stuck pig... normally I am fairly articulate, honest!

[PuzzleRocks]

This has cheered me up no end. I'm actually looking forward to birth no. 2 now so I can have a good go on the gas and air again.

I apparently screamed at midwife, Mum and Husband to "Shut the fuck up" when in fact the room had been silent for quite a while. I also told my Mum "I can't stand that midwife, what a bitch" thinking she had left the room. She was right behind me.
When I was getting stitched up another midwife, whom I had seen for an antenatal appointment once, entered the room. I said "Hello there, you were a right miserable cow when I met you before but you seem really lovely now. How are you?"
Saddest of all was when my midwife revealed she was Italian. "ooh how exciting", I said "I love the Sopranos". Idiot.

[Lizzylou]

I did swear (not as much as I thought I did, apparently) and then apologised profusely. I also proclaimed 1/2 way through that I wanted to "stop now and go home".
That was with gas and air and a very big baby, so no worries. I used to be a real potty mouth pre-kids so was very reserved I think.
Truly, your body just takes over and it's nowhere near as bad as you think it will be, you just sort of cope.

[Lizzylou]

I also told DH that he looked "really fit, like George Clooney" in his scrubs (ventouse in end but nearly em c/s) and started waffling on about Harold Bishop.
Gas and air is fantastic stuff

[Sycamoretree]

I actually tried to proposition my husband over the birthing ball after my first half hour of gas and air. I was staggering around, rolling over the ball like a big, drunk cow - how appealing I must have looked.

Eventually, I apprarently started shouting "get my the fucking epidural". This was after a week being induced by 3 prostins pessaries, and eventually being on the syntocin (?) drip. After 5 hours I whimped out.

Thank god really - ended in a bloody emergency c-section. Oh gosh, you all seem so surpised (not!). Sorry, not helping either with the first time mum of it all.

You'll be fine love

[SixSpotBurnet]

Well, if you're worried about it, don't whatever you do have pethidine - it makes you talk utter garbage - well it did me anyway! (And on a more serious note, was implicated in the fact that my DS1 nearly died at birth.P

[Josie57]

This is my first - I was terrified of this with my first too. I was paranoid that I would call my dh by a ex boyfriends name or something daft like that. But despite having a shot of pethidine and loads of gas and air I hardly said anything that was comphrehensible just those lovely guttural earthy grunting sounds that sound like they are coming from someone else and not you. I can remember saying I can't do this anymore. I wonder how many times the midwives have heard that one!!!! Second time round I got fixated on the fact that I thought it was happening too quick so I refused to push THen I remember apologising to absolutely everyone that I was being such a wimp.

I wouldn't worry too much about what you say the midwives will have heard it all before. As long as you say something nice to the mw after the birth I am sure they will forgive you. MIght be an idea to sit down with your partner/dh beforehand and just say you are worried about what you might say and tell him to ignore any swearing as you really do love him.

I ended up back on the labour suite twice after the birth of my second, once 24 hours after the birth and then 6 weeks later and I got to hear lots of women go through the labour process and I heard all sorts of shouts and screams. Birth is not a time to hold back or have anxieties. Once you've started you just kind of accept that this is it and go with the flow of everything that happens after.

Good luck, I'm sure it will all go well for you.

[Salleroo]

Dont worry, I was also terrified I might blurt a few choice comments/secrets that should never be spoken out loud. It wont happen, you have other things on your mind. Gas and air, it's the business.

[Satsuma1]

The midwife who was with us from the start (I was induced) told us the lady she was with the previous night had been really abusive and she her supervisor had suggested she attended to us as we seemed really nice!

After that, I tried my hardest not to swear. I remember asking he if I could have some G&A and when she said 'no, it's too early', I said 'that's OK, I understand'!

[Dottydot]

It's the pain. I told everyone to fuck off, including my dp and mother. No-one took offence and all was forgiven when I did lots of apologising once the epidural was in...!

[aquariusgirl]

I asked for God and my mother and cannot remember doing it at all. If you knew my relationship with my mother she would be the last person I would want with me in labour!! Just shows you what goes on psychologically in labour!

[BabyStarlettsBeautiful]

Salleroo. They denied you pain relief when you asked for it. That would have made me extremely abusive, - but perhaps since you weren't you may not have needed it. The couple before who were abusive may well have!! again.

[mylittlesubatomicparticle]

I said "Am I talking nonsense" after every single sentence on gas and air. Apparently, of I had not said that, I would have seemed/ sounded quite reasonable - glad to be of entertainment to my colleagues!

[savetheplanetdontiron]

I was at home last time I put a CD on but then forgot about mood music. I put it in the DVD player so when it ended the telly came back on. It was 'Father Ted' - not really the right background for established heavy labour

G & A is like getting just woozy enough on a nice bottle of wine over a lovley Sunday lunch with friends to really get the goss going but not so drunk that you feel sick. I think they should give you a cannister to get you through the first 12 weeks of motherhood . It was about the only positive thing (aside from DD herself of course) I can say about first time round for me.

I pooed lots and lots - so much I thought I had pushed the baby out - and my lovely friend was instructed by the mw to scoop it up in a potty and put it down the loo. Poor woman. I will eternally be in her debt for that!!