Do I tell her the TRUTH about the pain of childbirth or leave in blissfull ignorance??????

[Flumpybumpy]

A girl at work is 28wks with her first and as I am the only other woman there that had given birth she has been quizzing me about chidbirth.

For teh record I don't actually like her nor she me but she has no-one else to ask about this so I drew the short straw!!

She is convinced that it can't be worse than a really big poo she did recently that made her cry (seriously she was discussing this in the office). I said the pain was worse but how far do I go with this??

Do I tell her the truth or let her carry on thinking a big poo lasting a few minutes is as bad as it is going to get??

Advice please

FB x

[Rochwen]

I@ve had an elective section so I don't know about the pain of labour but I have two friends with very different perceptions. One said that it was painful but managable but the other said that it was excrutiatin and she thought she was going to die, she says that she did not cope. Both had pretty similar births. So, I think it depends on the person and, of course, the positioning is luck of the draw.

[Flumpybumpy]

God no, I won't tell about MN, this is my little hideaway at work

She isn't very computer literate anyway and always gets other people to do her internet stuff as she is scared of using it.

I keep giggling at other posts (shpuld be working) and she stills thinks I am talking about her (well in a way I am )

FB x

[Lolly68]

I would tell it her it bloody hurts... why else would it be called Labour!!!???

[bookwormmum]

I had someone badgering me for labour tips a few weeks after I'd had my dd. I refused to give them as I didn't think it was fair to tell her things that may not have been true.

I had to go in the night before with my dd to be induced and there were 2 women in the ward attempting to wind me up about the forthcoming labour, asking me if I were scared of the pain and if not, why not (I wasn't at all fazed by this time). How could I be scared of something I couldn't imagine? I refused to play ball with them and rang my Mum instead.

[Klaw]

FB, the best thing you can do is to email her a few links (like the ones I posted) and also some good forums so that she can do her own research and find out for herself.

Obviously don't tell her about MN if you would like to keep some anonimity but there are plenty others. A good one I also use is Babycenter, won't post the link cos MN won't approve. Other ladies I know swear by Kelly mom but I've never really been there.... actually might go have a shufty just now...

[krispiecakes]

hmm, had a similar situation and droned on to this girl for hours about pain, poo, puke, afterbirth, stiches etc etc. Annoyingly she popped it out in half an hour without even gas and air and said it was no worse than period pain. ,

[LadyVictoriaOfCake]

lol.

dh friend is pregnant with her first. she asked me if it hurt the other day. i said of course it bloody hurts, but at least it worth it.

[Flumpybumpy]

want not be prepared, bloody hell what is with me today. Don't let expat see

FB x

[Flumpybumpy]

'Tell me the TURTH' seriously dodgy typing

FB x

[Flumpybumpy]

She has been bugging me again today about it, she just said 'come on just tell me the turth, I want to know'. I said that every labour is different and as she is very fit she may have an easier time as her stamina levels etc... would be better than mine. However, nothing is guaranteed and she could have the birth from hell!!!

What is annoying more is she thinks I am not telling her because I am being bitchy and want not be prepared for the pain. She said to one of the other girls (who came and told me)FB is not telling me about labour cause she wants me to go through hell'. Which is only partly true .

Thanks for the links Klaw I will definitely point them her way, maybe she will get off my back a bit.

I read somewhere that teh average labour lasts approx 1000 contractions maybe I will double that and tell her

FB x

[Blu]

But you don't know what it will be like for her.
I had a long long OP labour for my first and only experience...and managed fine with TENS and pool - it was hard work, powerful, uncomfortable, but really not actually painful.
So, genuinely, you can't tell her, can you?

[MrLSG]

You could pass on a colleague's comment after she had her first child:

"Nothing can prepare you for it and no words can describe the pain despite what you read or what you're told."

[EmilyandLola]

you just get on with it dont you, i remember being in pain and upset, scared, but you just do it, and then you get your baby to cuddle and you forget and it stops.

Its the bleeding, not being able to sit down, the no sleep, the first poo post partum to worry about

[MrBocoBurns]

I did hypnobirthing. I had homeopathic remedies, i had accupuncture, i did yoga for pregnancy and read all the active birth books, so was prepared for a relaxed, upright, hypnobirthy type of time of it.

I screamed and clawed and howled and ranted and swore and it was the most horrendous pain i could have ever imagined. Afterwards i hated hypnobirthing teachers and homeopaths and active birth people, because i thought they were all a bunch of big fat fibbing fraudsters. The idea of 'breathing out the baby!' hahahahahahahah!

I think you can prepare, and try to be relaxed - but i don't think you really have much control over the pain except for taking drugs. Really. I was so so prepared.

Tell her it'll really really hurt. I think it's worse if you think that the pain is within your control, because then you feel responsible for it - and actually, you have to just ride it out and cope the best you can. I only had gas and air, but i nearly broke dps fingers.

[edam]

LOL at Kathy.

Daft mare, can't believe she told the office about her bowel movement, not surprised she's hardly Miss Popular.

I'd tell her to do some antenatal classes. And that of course it bloody hurts, you are pushing several pounds worth of baby through your cervix and vagina, but that every labour is different and there is pain relief on hand if it is unbearable. And things you can do that might help and that she'll learn at antenatal classes, such as massaging your perinaeum and staying active.

[Rhubarb]

I think it's cruel to scare new mums, no matter what you might think of them. When I was pg with my first they were practically queuing up to tell me horrendous birth stories. It's cruel beyond belief. Give her advice by all means, but don't get your kicks from scaring pg women.

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

If she is a real bitch, I think you should tell her that it will not hurt at all unless she is doing it wrong.
You should also add that if she does it wrong and it hurts this will irrevocably affect the bonding process and damage her child for the rest of its life.
That way, she can have guilt and worry as well as pain.

[Mumpbump]

I agree with those who say just tell her it's different for everyone. One of the girls from my antenatal class had a 3.5 hour labour that sounded fairly easy so it might not be that bad for her. You just can't tell how someone is going to find it.

[bananabump]

I so wish I hadn't clicked on this thread.

[OrmIrian]

Tell her. It might give you pleasure (seeing as you don't like her) but also I found that the pain was soooo much worse than I had thought (because some idiot told me it was like bad period pain - ha!) I wasn't able to cope at all. Second and third time round I knew what to expect and I coped 100% better. Ignorance may be bliss but it isn't constructive.

Also tell her to learn about the process of childbirth so that she knows what the things she is feeling mean.

[Klaw]

Tell her it is HARD work! And also show her Early labour mistakes A great American site with lots of helpful info.

[Klaw]

Well, you can rise above any petty office stuff and give her some great links which, if she reads and takes heed of, will leave her thinking that you are the most wonderful person in the world!

Labour hormones and how they help relieve pain

Pelvises I have know and loved by Gloria Lemay Helps you to understand how a baby DOES fit through your pelvis and that believing in yourself and listening to your body will make it easier.

Birth postions Scroll down to get to Birth positions, avoid lying on your back.

Tell her to research what's important to her and make informed decisions.

[bookwormmum]

I remember blaspheming at the top of my voice and part of me thinking 'damn that was in the wrong order' (I corrected this on my second outburst ) and the other part of me was wondering why my Mum hadn't told me off for my foul language . Twas truely a weird moment for me then.

[flibbertyjibbet]

I have had two. One assisted birth of distressed baby with about 500 extra people in the room at the end of a labour with only gas and air, 2nd breech so a section. When people insist on asking me what its like I say that everyone's labour is horrid and painful, but everyone's labour is different so no point me telling about mine as yours won't be like that. I also say that on the day you just get on with it whatever its link as its not as if you can decide you don't like it and go home . Don't regale her with horror stories as if she has an 'easy' (!!) time she will tell everyone at work that you are a woos who made out it was terrible.