Thanks again for such varied views. Fwiw I I don't feel I am risking the baby, and I am trying hard to balance the needs and wants of my existing DC, my DH, unborn baby, me and my mental and physical health. It's difficult. And not made easier by so many of the professionals involved having such different views:
Community midwife thinks home birth is feasible and not unduly worrying for me,
independent midwife whom I booked for several hours of debrief and planning also very happy to do home birth but sadly I can't afford her,
Consultant thinks home birth is risky but not impossible,
One MLU (M) have said probably yes they'll accept me as delivery suite next door but it's an hours drive
Closer MLU (N) point blank said no.
Not helped by Hospital H refusing tours or debriefs of any kind. Told me to look at pictures on website!
I had PND last time and am keen to avoid interventions for me, and for baby as I'd like to maximise chances of breastfeeding etc : as a thoughtful poster said, a good birth is not selfish, it could be best for everyone!