Why are elective csections shamed?

[Escargot82]

I'm struggling with the attitudes that so many women openly display towards other women who have had or want to have an elective csection? For argument's sake lets talk about private csecs, not under NHS. Women get so angry and passionate about their disdain.
What I hate is that it's completely acceptable to shame a woman for wanting an elective csection, but it's not acceptable to shame a woman who wants to formula feed (by choice entirely not necessity).
There is an attitude towards formula feeding among MN women of "it's your body, your choice" but when it comes to birthing methods, csection is a no no.
If you feel this way, why??? Why one set of standards about what women can do with their bodies and another for other things?

[Floralnomad]

I've never come across this attitude , on here or anywhere else , and I had my ELCS 18 yrs ago .

[boatrace30]

@gillybeanz how many years ago are you talking? I was born via elective c section 34 years ago as I was breech. No GA then and that was not unusual. My DD was also breech and I chose an elective because it seemed like too much of a risk not to. and believe me it's no easy option afterwards. I'm pretty sure NHS only do electives for a valid reason (e.g. Breech baby, past vbac issues)

[clevername]

I've just opted for an elective section for my imminent 2nd birth (ended up with an emergency last time). I agonised over the decision from day one and I can't deny that one of the factors was the worry about what people would think.

In the end I decided to go with whatever the consultant recommended. And she listened to me, weighed everything up and, contrary to my expectations, advised the elective.

I really hope I won't be judged because if I'm honest I felt like a failure last time (even though it was not my fault in any way) and I know that it would bother me if people were to. I know that the baby's safe arrival is the ultimate goal but I can't help but be secretly concerned about the whole motherhood/birth top trumps thing.

[EdgarAllenPoe]

I'm scheduled an elcs in a few months. Mostly people really don't care, or are supportive enough. The only slight negativity I've encountered is along the lines of, 'don't you even want to try naturally, or don't you think it's sad you'll never have that experience?' (it's my second and last child). It's annoying but then I know this attitude comes from a place of ignorance rather than being malicious. Since I can't be bothered to explain my reasons to every tom, dick and harry, I just ignore it. My consultant agreed immediately with my request, and that's all the approval I want.

[TK1930]

Yes I agree with you.
I lied to most people and said my child was breech and that was why I 'had' to have one

[NCforIS]

I got told I hadn't 'given birth' by one close friend

[Pigface1]

On MN I think posters are generally very supportive of other women who have to have or want to have CSs.

But you're right that out there in the real world there's a lot of 'I pushed him out without pain relief' like it deserves a medal. And of course the NHS really doesn't encourage elective CSs.

[RyanStartedTheFire]

I don't bat an eyelid at ELCS compared to my two unmedicated vaginal birth. I have had people tell me they were glad to have a section because their vaginas weren't "messed up and loose" like they obviously would be after a vaginal delivery. People say dick-ish things on both sides.

[manglethedangle]

sonlypuppyfay strange that, I had a vaginal birth a d thought "I'll never let anyone make me do that again" means I won't have another child, but so long as I don't ever have to give birth again I don't care!

[oldlaundbooth]

I've had a couple of 'too posh to push' comments in RL, even though both kids were breech

[Rockandrollwithit]

I had a natural (if you call forceps natural) birth with DS. It all went wrong, was horribly traumatic and I passed out from a 3 litre blood loss. Oh, and it was a major factor in me developing PND.

I'm pregnant again and seeing the consultant next week. I'm pushing for a CS and don't care what anyone thinks about it!

[Achoopichu]

I'm surprised if you can have an ELCS on the NHS through choice. Fact is there are more risks than through normal delivery. And I would be a bit judgy in that I think it might put NhS staff and resources under more strain -there should be a good reason to do that, not just a choice I think.

But having tried both ways, and there not being a third option, I've given up having kids. Both ways are f'ing horrific imho

[SheepyFun]

I had a planned (so technically elective) c-section, as DD was transverse, and wouldn't stay head down when turned. Any attempt at a natural delivery would have almost certainly killed both of us (her more quickly than me). Funnily enough, I was very relieved to live in a country where a c-section is easily available when necessary. However I still had comments, all from child-free women. I did point out the alternative scenario to them....

[Lj8893]

achoo it can take a lot of battling to have a section under maternal choice in the NHS. Many consultants will refuse. And even if one agrees they need to have another consultant in the trust to agree also. If it is for anxiety reasons, fear of childbirth etc then you could argue that it is not for maternal choice as fear or childbirth is a recognised phobia and comes under mental health.

[skislope]

I had an emergency c-section as I wasn't making progress after many many hours of labour and baby was showing signs of distress. A ten pounder as it turned out. I'm quite slight. So, I had an elective c -section the second time around as it seemed safer than going through all that again and second baby was also showing to be rather large.
No one commented on the planned c -section, funnily enough, but I did get a few comments about the EMERGENCY one, such as 'you could have pushed out that!' (from a supposedly educated woman who also had a big baby but vaginally..(hmmm we're not all physically the same love) and something about me having had the 'easy option' from a woman who gave birth vaginally at the same time as me (yup cos 24 hrs labour then major abdominal surgery then weeks of recovery is the easy option). These things do stay with you!
Rant over ;-)

[m0therofdragons]

I've seen this in rl! It was hilarious and ridiculous. Dh and I had a tour of the maternity unit when pg second time as it had changed since dd1 was born and I was booked for an elective cs.

Big group of us on the tour and we're standing in a delivery room. It becomes clear that there is a lot of talk re water births/hypno birthing etc.

It was the room dd was born in. I had very poor care with dd1and ended up with 32 stitches and so much blood everywhere. Before conceiving a second time a consultant agreed to cs. But pg 2 was ID twins in breach position so had no choice anyway.

On the tour mw announced "now where is my elective cs mum?" Up went my hand and we walked down the corridor with my usually oblivious husband saying "wow, the way those women all just looked at you just because of an elective cs is shocking!" Yep, looked at me like a piece of dirt until mw said "now, where's my twin mum gone?" Queue audible "oh fair enough!" And similar mutters.

I was very restrained and didn't shout "actually dd1's birth was traumatic due to incompetent mw, no pain relief and me tearing so bad I required 32 stitches so you can all enjoy your magical natural births because I've done that and got tshirt!" Instead I smiled politely.

[Murpher]

Skislope - I'm completely with you on this. I too am slight and had Emergency CS with 1st boy after 36 hours of induced labour. He was 9.5lbs. He's now 22 and I think attitudes have changed a lot since then. I was judged by midwives, HV, so-called friends and some utterly vile women at baby groups. I had no mother or sister to support me and felt a complete failure with ensuing PND. It was an emergency FFS! I had a planned section with my 2nd as I didn't want to risk the same thing again.

For years I felt so envious of the mums who managed 'real' deliveries and like I'd somehow missed out on something wonderful. But you know what; UTTER BULLSHIT! Getting them out is the easy bit, it's raising them well that matters. To all those women out there who over-judged me and made me feel like a failure as a woman - FUCK YOU! I hope you're womb falls out of your big slack vagina and you continue to piss yourself every time you sneeze.

Sorry, not quite over it yet.

[skislope]

Murpher - it sounds like it really affected you. I guess I was lucky I found it infuriating but didn't wish I'd had a 'natural' birth (and in my original birth plan it was a water birth lol!!) ...as you say, it's what happens afterwards that matters! Hope you can find peace with it and let go of any anger and realise that a lot of what people say is through complete ignorance xx

[SleepFreeZone]

I suppose if you've gone through the agony of pushing your baby out naturally with limited pain relief then you're sort of furious that someone else didn't go through the same.

I know I really needed to talk about my first labour because it was so traumatic (to me) and couldn't believe that by comparison to my antenatal group I'd had a walk in the park. The mothers that had had ECs didn't particularly bother me but I found myself strangely insensed by those who had claimed they enjoyed the experience and found it easy. After DC2 though I didn't need to talk about it anymore and also nobody asked.

[Murpher]

I am pretty much over it, just wanted to do the hairdryer treatment on any lurkers atop their pedestals. As women we really ought to support each other but I've found that not to be the case in a lot of scenarios.

Pity.

[skislope]

Yes Murpher, we should support each other. I have found in real life that most friends and acquaintances who had 'natural' births found it a lot easier than my experience generally and actually supported and sympathised with me (despite the few examples I gave above!), Or we were emphatic and kind with one anothers birthing experiences! (Not my own mother though who had me 'naturally' and reminds me every birthday I have who traumatic it was etc !!!) x

[Murpher]

Haha - you're mother sounds a hoot! Love women who are martyrs to their causes. I think her generation really did have it tough though, much fewer options for everything, it really was almost a 'bite on this leather strap and get on with it mrs' kind of attitude.

As a gender we need to be kinder to each other. Less competitive. Motherhood is not a competition. There's no absolutes.

[Only1scoop]

I had one had a few light hearted 'too posh to push'
Just retorted 'I'm too pushy to be posh'

Made a wonderful decision never experienced any negativity.

[Murpher]

PP - what a brilliant retort! Wish id known it then!

Dont know what this means exactly but the last time i visited a gynae and she was taking my history, she asked about deliveries and i said 2 c-sections, and she said, Good!