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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Meeting baby for the first time

69 replies

Cnmorgan13 · 04/02/2016 13:45

I'm 35 weeks with my first and using some holidays before proper maternity kicks in. So just waiting for little one to arrive. Just wanted to know what your experiences were when you met your baby for the first time. Is it true that you 'fall in love' instantly or does it take some time. Is it the same for your partners/husbands to?
I'm quite an emotional person and I'm hoping for the whoosh of emotion, and telling myself not to be too disheartened if it doesn't happen right away.

OP posts:
Abbinob · 04/02/2016 17:11

Oh and scared, very very scared at the little human I was now on charge of! Like a realisation that it's a permenant thing you need to keep safe, daunting as fuck. Until then I think I was convinced I was going to give birth to a doll or something

FunkyPeacock · 04/02/2016 17:16

I can honestly say that I felt an instant overwhelming love for both my children the moment they were both born

But I appreciate that for some mothers/fathers this doesn't happen and the bond can take weeks or months to develop

I would try not to worry as I don't know anyone IRL who hasn't eventually felt a deep connection even if it isn't instant xxx

Ilovenannyplum · 04/02/2016 17:21

I felt relieved that I'd done it and it was over but I was desperate for a shower, and left him with my mum without much hesitation, I hadn't quite hit me that the tiny baby was my responsibility and swanned off.
It wasn't until a few hours later that the feeling of complete love hit me and I just would not be parted from him for anything.

GrillPanEddy · 04/02/2016 17:21

I thought the mystery element of pregnancy - ie i wonder what he/she/it will look like would fall into place in a of COURSE, that's who you are kind of way.

But it was far more of a wow you are totally you're own little person, with all the right bits in all the right place, and look at that perfectly formed ear, and wow, you are a complete human being ready for the world and whilst I don't know you AT ALL, and I thought I would, you feel perfectly right for us Smile

Chimchar · 04/02/2016 17:22

I didn't have it with my first...same as VagueIdeas, completely totally and utterly shell shocked.
I was really protective of the baby, and was terrified of something happening to him. I knew I loved him, but I didn't fall in love with him.

With hindsight I now know that I was quite depressed, and I think that had a lot to do with it.

As time went on, and I'm talking months and months, I became more in love with him.

My dh said he fell head over heels with each baby as soon as he saw them.

I did with my other children.

I think the message is, whatever you feel, it's ok.

Good luck with your impending birth!

dlwelly · 04/02/2016 17:30

I was just in shock afterwards. I was in theatre and couldn't do skin to skin time as my arms were stretched out and I couldn't get my top down, I was scared I'd drop her so they gave her to DP instead! I kept looking at her and just couldn't believe she was here.

Once we were on the ward and I could give her a proper cuddle I'd burst into tears every so often because I loved her so much, I've never felt anything like it.

She is 3 months now and sometimes I get the same rush of love and cry when she smiles or plays. I'm crying now!

You'll get lots of whooshes, don't worry! Smile

VikingLady · 04/02/2016 18:41

I had an instant desperate need to protect DD and make her happy and healthy from day one, but the first whoosh of love wasn't until 4m. Which is coincidentally when she started to look more like my side of the family.....

DS: instant. Even though I could see he was objectively not a pretty baby (seriously, he looked like a boxer who'd taken a few too many blows to the nose)

JennyC520 · 04/02/2016 20:21

No, I didnt feel love instantly. I was too tired to care..it was more like... wow.. i have a baby, and is she okay/alive...had some complications. I still dont feel super bonded yet @6weeks.

elio · 04/02/2016 21:11

I had a four day induction nightmare. Just overwhelming relief that she was here, she was safe and I had survived. I felt like I loved her all along, but I think I properly bonded when I was allowed to go home 3 days later and I realised all I wanted was to be somewhere quiet with just her.

ThirtyNineWeeks · 04/02/2016 21:14

Depends on: the birth; whether you are ordinarily neurotic; whether your pregnancy was traumatic. All these things make a huge impact on how you feel the minute your baby is placed in your arms.

Fear not though...you'll fall in love with it at some point down the line.

Nyancat · 04/02/2016 21:21

With my first I didn't fall in love until months down the line, I looked after her, was very protective of her but didn't feel that connected with her. I definitely didnt have that whoosh. 4 years on and we couldn't be closer, I have that real heart bursting love for her and just adore her and we have the best relationship. When I had ds last year I had the whoosh of love straight away and it has stayed the same since.

wispaxmas · 04/02/2016 21:24

I don't remember really, but I don't remember a rush of love. I remember relief, I remember they put her on my chest, but then they gave her to H and I was rushed off to theatre so they could save my life. I think it might have been different in a less frightening situation.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/02/2016 21:46

I honestly thought I would cry when I finally had DS1, I had that picture in my head of tears of joy and love.

Nope. I hypnobirthed and was on such an adrenaline rush when he came out that I was high as a kite. I loved him, absolutely, but there was no weepy rush of emotion that I'd expected. I felt more "holy fuck, I can't believe I just did that! I'm invincible!" - and I didn't stop grinning from ear to ear. He was born at 4pm and I couldn't sleep at all that night because I kept waking myself up with excitement.

With DS2 I had the whoosh straight away and the tears. He'd had a tough time when I was 30 weeks pregnant and so needed his heart monitored through labor and delivery - I had a lovely epidural and slept right through until I was ready to push him out. I still remember the feeling of him coming out of me and holding his hot tiny body against my chest. He mewed once and then nothing and then I realized that he was just opening his eyes and looking around and then he just stared up at me. He was only 6lbs and 46cms so was just exceptionally teeny. I had tears and the whoosh then, mainly because it dawned on me how close we had been to losing him.

Having said that, even though I had that whoosh and emotional tears, I was still happy for the midwives to keep him with them given that he did nothing but fart for 12 hours and I couldn't sleep.

Any way that you feel when the baby comes is normal. I shook uncontrollably after DS1 was born because of the adrenaline and shock and I didn't know that that was normal!

whatsoever · 04/02/2016 23:21

I was knackered, dehydrated and a off my face on drugs after a theatre birth, so no instant bond of love. I felt responsibility straight away but love/bond was gradual over weeks & days. It didn't worry me too much - I don't tend to believe in most of the cliches, although obviously I'd have been delighted if it happened.

Junosmum · 05/02/2016 04:10

I think the instantly fall in love thing is BS to be honest, you spend 9months falling in love! I felt like I already knew him, instantly like he'd always been in my life.

I also exclaimed "holy shit it's a baby" when the Dr placed him on me. But I had been in labour 21 hours and was exhausted! I'd kind of lost sight of what all the pain and effort was for. There was no rush of love, but I already loved him so there didn't need to be.

Chottie · 05/02/2016 05:39

I just could not believe that this little person DD had been inside me moments before and now was here and breathing and moving independently. When I held her for the first time, I felt so triumphant and thrilled she had arrived and it was love at first sight.

I had the same feeling when DGS was born last year, the miracle of watching his skin gradually change from a greyish mauve to a pink as he breathed independently was something I will never forget. :) I felt so honoured that my DD wanted me to be there to share such a special moment of her life.

Cathster · 05/02/2016 05:54

I didn't have that rush of love, neither did OH. She was premature so it was all very unexpected and I had a long labour with lots of drugs so by the time she was placed on my chest after the EMCS I was just knackered!!

I felt this need to protect her and I worried constantly for her but I didn't feel this desperate love when I looked at her. We both struggled with that but hearing how common it was NOT to love her straight away made it easier.

Now I love her so much more than I thought possible. My OH does too BUT it took him a lot longer than me, as he wasn't with her 24/7. He felt badly that he didn't love her when I did but it usually does take the fathers longer, they don't have the hormones and mothers instinct helping it along.

ftmsoon · 05/02/2016 06:09

My first thought was 'she needs a bath'! Then 'she? She?' I had been convinced I was having a boy so being told she was a girl threw me slightly.
I didn't realise I loved DD until she was about 3months old and I left her with DMIL alone for the first time. I couldn't wait to get back to her.
I felt awful that I didn't have the 'whoosh' of love instantly when she was born, especially as we had a tough time in hospital for 9 days. But I did my best for her anyway and she is currently snuggled up beside me fast asleep!
You may get it, you may not. Please don't waste time feeling guilty if you don't, like I did, as you will feel guilty about enough other things as a mum!

Hopelass · 05/02/2016 07:06

I didn't get it straight away but clearly remember getting it a few days later. It was incredibly powerful and I felt so protective of him.

AnnaT45 · 05/02/2016 07:19

I felt relief! I had a long very slow labour that ended up with EMCS. I only saw baby for a few seconds and they took her off. I couldn't hold her on anything and didn't get a cuddle for another two hours maybe. I feel bad but I can barely remember the next few days as i was poorly.

I do remember about two months later just having this sudden wave when changing her and thinking 'I love you' a bit like when you feel it with a partner. Since then the love grows every day!

I'm having an ELCS this time so I'm hoping I'll remember some of it! Most people I've spoken to about it say they didn't really get it. I think it's a bit like when people cry when they find their wedding dress.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 05/02/2016 07:24

I didn't get a rush of love, boo! :( I just saw his eye on my stomach peeping up at me and I was like 'wow that's a dark black eye' (it wasn't they're bright blue), and then DH said 'it's a boy!!!' And I was like 'yeah I know'. And then I never had that rush of love, I was just felt like 'cool, he's lush, cutest calmest baby ever' etc. Am absolutely besotted with him but he was born very very very quickly so think it was he shock! Going in to it I was worried I wouldn't feel the rush though, and i didn't. I did feel on a MASSIVE high and like I could do anything for 4 months though.

Joskar · 05/02/2016 07:27

Dd1 emcs and lots of issues with breastfeeding. Took a few months.

Dd2 vbac instant whoosh.

Love, love, love both my girls.

Ilovenannyplum · 05/02/2016 07:33

I love this thread Smile

Original poster
Cnmorgan13 · 05/02/2016 07:45

Thank you ladies, your stories are amazing! Can't wait to add my own in 4 weeks... If wee one comes on time lol

OP posts:
notarehearsal · 05/02/2016 07:46

With dd I felt absolute surprise that she didn't look like who I'd imagined her to be. There'd been a child in a mothercare advert with curly hair and looking quite like how I looked as a child. This was how I just 'knew' dd looked. So when she was born I can honestly say I was flabbergasted and wondered where my real daughter wAs as she looked so different to me

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